After discovering from my Mother that I would probably still want sex up to my seventies it seemed imperative that I start looking for some now while I can at least pretend to look somewhat sexy.
I had just got back from a long trip and was feeling totally jet lagged so what better way is there to spend those long sleepless hours at 3 am than researching and registering on a dating site.
I just had a few hurdles I needed to try and figure out…firstly, I am returning home for good next year, so it is important that whomever I choose to have sex with understands there is ZERO possibility of any long term commitment and the L word must never be spoken….Love!….I mean Love!!….Lust is okay…it is currently my favorite word!!
The other challenge is that while I live in a reasonably sized city it has a small country town feel to it and just about everyone I know here reports to me either directly or indirectly and this is definitely a part of my life I do not want my staff to know about.
I figured I would work all those hurdles out with the dating site and started with the one I had heard the most about…eHarmony, the registration process is fairly simple however it requires a photograph…crap, why didn’t I think of that! How the bloody heck am I going to post my picture on a dating website and not expect that someone from my Company wont see it?? I panicked for a bit, almost gave up completely on me ever having sex again until an idea started to form….NO, I did not use someone else’s picture if that is what you’re thinking! A search through my phone and wallah! I found just the photo, a side on view with just a hint of my face. One hurdle down and one to go!
I then spent the better part of the next day and into the following night alternating between sleeping…trying to sleep…feeling miserable with jet lag…and answering dumb ass annoying questions for eHarmony who tell me they really need this information to find my perfect match when quite frankly I don’t give a shit about a perfect match I just want someone who can string a sentence together , doesn’t look half bad, enjoys going out to dinner and won’t mind going back to his house after dinner for dessert!! whew, breathe and just answer the damn questions and get this shit over with!! 1300 questions! I am not kidding you thirteen hundred… fucking! questions!
So! I finally get done with the questions, I only had to delete 25 of them because those 25 were not just dumb ass questions they were total bullshit, crappy, dumb ass questions that I refused to answer at 2 am with jet lag!
1275 out of 1300 questions answered, submit and go to the next page, finally I am going to be able to see my matches…What! you have got to be shitting me, this so called FREE dating site gave me 3 choices…THREE!!! what the fuck! If I want to see more possible matches then I need to upgrade my membership and pay them some damn money….Shit, what the heck would I be paying for… the 3 choices they gave me for free are total thumbs down…In disgust I turned of my computer and stormed off to bed swearing off sex forever…hell I hadn’t been getting any for the last 8 years I may as well keep up the trend!!
The next morning, hormones or whatever the hell was going on with me that was making me think too much about sex took over my mind, and once again I delved into the world of online dating sites. I seriously considered handing over my hard earned dollars to eHarMONEY but decided to research just a little more!!!