Google is seriously my best friend!!

For this next part of my journey I need to back up a little to Friday night, M and I chatted online for a little over an hour, our conversation was fairly innocuous, making plans for our upcoming date, choosing a restaurant etc. It did however involve both of us elaborating a little on why we joined POF and what we were looking for so it was at this point I told M that I was looking for some companionship, someone to enjoy a nice dinner with and if the chemistry was right then the possibility of intimacy  some time in the future but with zero chance of any long term commitment…..so basically, the exact same thing that I said in my original profile which attracted all the creepers……”friends with benefits”!! M was pretty much looking for the same thing, casual dating with no commitment.

Apart from a brief mention of the word intimacy there was nothing in our conversation that was of a sexual nature…so why the heck was I still awake at 4 am thinking about sex! After an extremely restless night I decided to go online and google my symptoms. It seems I was either having a panic attack or a heart attack, since I have never before had a panic attack I decided that I was going to go with the latter and I was seriously pissed off that I might miss my date. I decided to Google a little bit more just in case and I was ever so grateful that I did. Turns out that what was going on with me was a strange phenomenon called “sexual tension”. Ladies, I am not shitting you, there really is such thing! Can you imagine if I had gone to the emergency room and told them “I think I am having a heart attack” and I give them all my symptoms and they diagnose “sexual tension”, how mortifying would that be!! I wonder if my insurance would even cover sexual tension, would there even be a billing code for it!!

Once I had discovered that I was not having a heart attack and that there was a good possibility I was going to survive to my first date I began to actually embrace and enjoy the feelings that come with sexual tension. Sure the lack of sleep was not fun but there is something to be said for the consistent feeling that something really good is going to happen but it is just out of reach, it’s like you can see the chocolate, smell the chocolate almost taste the chocolate but you just can’t reach the chocolate. Small flutters in your chest when you think of the object of your sexual tension, even those tingles in your nether regions when thinking of all the possibilities of things to come. Nether regions…who the hell say’s nether regions. Who am I, Amy! from the big bang theory!! Vagina, I mean Vagina!!

The online chemistry between M and I happened fairly quickly so I think the sexual tension had been building for days until it had almost reached its peak Saturday night. M and I had a simple text exchange around 11 pm that evening, there was a slight problem with the restaurant of choice in that it was closed on Sunday’s so we were discussing another venue when M just happened to ask if I had enjoyed my bath, again the text messages were fairly innocuous however there was a slight sexual undertone which was enough to send my sexual tension into overdrive, If I was not already a horny sex starved 50 year old woman I sure as hell would have been by now.

Sunday morning I reevaluated my original plan of dating for 3-4 weeks before the possibility of intimacy to perhaps maybe 3 – 4 dates…by Sunday afternoon I was beginning to wonder if those dates counted if they were all on the same day…say, breakfast, lunch and dinner and then we could go back to his place for dessert!

There is one more thing I want to say about sexual tension….Once you know what it is, its absolutely fucking delicious!!

Armed with the knowledge that I am a slightly quirky, fun loving, bat shit crazy, sexually tense woman who just turned 50, I can now begin to get ready for my first ever date!

One thought on “Google is seriously my best friend!!

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