Cucumbers!! who the heck knew??

So Wednesday finally gets here! It is so difficult to concentrate on anything other than the fact that I am going to have sex tonight. I end up leaving work a couple of hours early, mainly because I cannot concentrate, but also who wouldn’t appreciate a little extra time to get ready for a date.

I decide to take my shower early and spend some extra time getting rid of the unwanted hair that had started to grow back since Sunday. I go through my usual routine however M had mentioned previously that he loved the soft inside part of my thighs so I wanted to pay special attention to that area and make sure my inner thighs do not feel like 2 day old whiskers on a mans face.
I used Nair, which I would not normally use for a 3 day growth and was disappointed with the results so I go over that area again with a razor, I always use top quality razors and for this job chose Schick Intuition. After my shower I am drying myself and I notice small red bumps have appeared all over my bikini line and my inner thighs….What the fuck!! This cannot be happening, I have a date in a few hours, a SEX date!!

I run to my computer and Google…cause you all know that Google is my best friend. I discover that I have shave bumps so the next step is to Google how the heck do you get rid of them. I am reading down a list of things that are supposed to help trying to find something that I have in my house. Oatmeal, no! Baking soda, no! Tea Tree oil, no! Cucumbers…Yes!!! Yes I have cucumbers. Without bothering to read what I am actually supposed to do with the cucumbers I run to my fridge, get out the cucumbers, grab a sharp knife and a chopping board and begin to slice the cucumbers into rings. They are the small baby cucumbers so I slice up a few of them until I think I have enough. I then put a towel on my bed and lay down and try placing cucumber rings on my inner thighs and bikini line..The operative word here being try!! No matter what I do I cannot get these small bits of cucumber to stay in place and I am getting more and more panicked and more and more frustrated and then all of a sudden it hits me!! What am I, a fucking salad! I go back to my kitchen, toss the cucumber rings in the trash and grab a couple more out of the fridge, this time I peel them and then slice them longways so I have long thin slices of cucumber…Ah success! I lay the slices of cucumber on my bikini line and inner thighs and then ponder how long I should stay like this for and why the fuck didn’t I read the article in full!

I lay on my bed covered in cucumbers cursing myself, firstly for being so stupid in not reading the article properly..or at all!! But then secondly for starting this process without either my phone, kindle, tablet or Chromebook within reach…. all I could do was lay there bored shitless, wondering why I always get myself into these messes.

After about 30 minutes I decided enough was enough, I tentatively removed the cucumbers and while the rash had abated a little I still clearly had a terrible case of razor burn. My first instinct was to cancel the date but there was no way the fire in my nether regions was going to let me do that….Bloody hell I love that phrase…Nether regions, it really is beginning to grow on me!!

Back to Google to see what else can be done and after poring over many articles I decided screw it…this is one of those “warts and all” kinds of things that I am just going to have to accept! I did use some moisturizing lotion and spent the rest of the afternoon in my apartment completely naked hoping that the lack of clothing and fresh air would help to ease some of the burn. Most of the articles I read said it usually dissipates within a few hours and as it turned out I had a few extra hours than expected before my date with M.


13 thoughts on “Cucumbers!! who the heck knew??

    • He knew a little of my naivety but he had NO clue JUST how naive I really was. I sometimes have an opportunity to go back to previous posts and re read them and I think FUCK, was that really me and was I really THAT naive just a little over a year ago!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Aww, Jad… we ALL are there at some point in our lives, every single one of us. I hope you’re content and always growing, always learning. That is what’s most important!

        Continuing this fine read Madame… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: Cucumbers!! who the heck knew?? — Sensuality, Sex & Something else – phicklephilly

  2. Frankincense oil works amazingly, that and Arnica spray stings going on but helps the burn. Although for that area just the frankincense does wonders. I do Brazilians but the next day I sometimes develop a slight rash, so that works.

    Liked by 1 person

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