So far, out of all my posts this one seems to be the most challenging to write, which is pretty stupid when you think about it because honestly, whats the big deal…I just had the most amazing sexual experience of my life. See, that’s the point isn’t it…It is a big deal, actually it’s a huge deal. At the age of 50 I finally discovered that chocolate is not better than sex and I don’t know whether to be incredibly excited and happy or completely depressed and morose. So it seems I am now a….slightly quirky, fun loving, batshit crazy, sexually tense and completely fucking confused woman who just turned 50….and YES I am STILL sexually tense….what the fuck!
So let’s try and make sense out of all this shit going on in my head and maybe if I am lucky my inner bitch might contribute in a constructive manner…but knowing my inner bitch…probably not!!
As I am writing this I am still trying to work through my head on how to break this down…do I do a positive and negative list? Do I talk about each of the things on my mind and dissect and discuss them individually or do I just ramble like a fucking mad woman?
I think I am going to go with the flow and ramble like a mad woman, and hey, if you don’t like it you can always stop reading…really you can, I won’t mind…well, maybe I will mind a little bit…Okay a lot…I will mind a lot!!! So stop complaining and just read!!!
I should probably start my mad ramblings by saying that I have discovered that I am completely naive when it comes to sex….hard to believe but true!!
You would think that someone who experiences an orgasm at the hands of another at the tender age of 8 would be rather worldly when it comes to sex so it is a little scary to find out that I am actually not. I guess you could break it down into two groups and say that anything related to a mans pleasure I am probably more experienced than most but when it comes to a woman’s pleasure…unless we are talking about my own personal experience with a vibrator, I am fucking clueless!!
Let’s start with kissing, I know I said it before, but who the fuck knew kissing could be so sensual… and who knew that NOT kissing, but almost kissing was even more sensual than just kissing!
Moving on to touch…why did it have to be so delicious!! Every time I think about M’s touch I get a weird feeling, it is like I swallowed a hundred butterflies and they are all fluttering around inside me. That’s all I have to say about that!
Oral sex, this is a big one for me…It really was a “no go zone” I have never enjoyed giving oral sex. What is so pleasurable about putting something in your mouth that someone pee’s out of, yuck factor of 10!! If you have been reading my blog long enough Y’all know I have some major phobia and texture issues, if you don’t know that….shame on you! Go back to the beginning of my blog and read from there, I mean seriously who the fuck wants to start reading a book half way through!!
Again I digress, getting back to oral sex….Seems I like it after all! I mean to say, it seems I like receiving it. Jury is still out on if I will ever like giving it! Another surprise for me was that when M began kissing me again after oral sex my first thought was “oh gross” I am kissing my own vagina!! It turns out however that in the heat of passion you don’t really give a shit… that particular thought lasted all of 2 seconds before ecstasy took over!!
Finally….Kissing after sex, seriously, people do that? Aren’t you supposed to just get up, go to the bathroom, clean up and then go wash dishes or something?
So there is my little dissection of things that happened and I just know your are all thinking, what the fuck is she complaining about, it was all good!!! But that is exactly it!
It was ALL good and I am 50 fucking years old and I don’t have much time left before my saggy bits get saggier and my fat bits get fatter…hardly anytime before I am no longer even remotely attractive to the opposite sex.
With all the adversity that I have experienced in my life I have learnt not to look back or have regrets because life is way too short to spend a second of it looking backwards, nothing can be changed and if you need to look backwards to learn the lessons from your choices or errors instead of learning from them at the time of when they happened then they were not very profound lessons anyway and not worth looking back for.
Since turning 50 one of my Mantra’s is “Carp momentum” and I have truly tried to live by that. But now I am scared that I do not have enough moments left. I feel like I have just discovered a wonderful, sensual, exhilarating part of sex that has been denied me all my life. Maybe I experienced all the “wonderful” there is to experience in that one moment last night, but I don’t thinks so. I strongly suspect that last night was a small fraction of the wonders and joys that sex has to offer and I feel ripped off that I did not get my share when I was still young and somewhat attractive!!
Well there you have it…all of my confusion laid out in front of you with brutal honesty.
I tried to keep up my usual witty repartee and realized towards the end of this post I was somewhat unsuccessful in this regard….I won’t apologize for that because you are reading this blog “warts and all” and this is just one of those wart’s you just have to look at and deal with….lets just not pick at that wart any longer….it has been dissected and digested and now it is time to move on!!