Distractions, disorder and discord!

So let’s tell it like it is…my experience with M on Wednesday was casual sex..even though the original intention might have been a date, circumstances prevented the date so what ensued was casual sex!
That was totally my choice and I accept full responsibility for my decision. M offered to join me for a drink, but if we are being honest, I did not want a drink I wanted sex. I chose to forgo the dating ritual and went to M’s house knowing full well that what I was going there for was sex. He also clearly  knew that I was going there for sex.! I mean really, what else is there, sure he has a lot of nice art on his walls but I wasn’t going to a fucking art museum! I was going to his home….. for sex!
Just thought I should put that out there!

The morning after the (no date sex) “inner bitch” and the “queen of denial” had a field day at my expense!! It was like there was a schizophrenic cat fight going on inside my head. There were a lot of thoughts and feelings surrounding the entire M experience and it actually took several days to sort these feelings out in my own head and figure out exactly what I thought the issues were.

Firstly…remember where I came from, my first date at the age of 50, my first uninhibited sexual experience and my first “walk of shame” through a strangers house collecting my clothes on the way….But this is the thing, at no time have I ever felt any remorse or shame for, firstly having sex with someone on a first date and secondly having sex with someone with “no” date…. And this is where the inner bitch is questioning my morals….Dear readers, this is where I remember my Mantra and I honor it…DILLIGAF…I really, truly don’t give a fuck! I am doing what most of Y’all did in your 20s or 30s, the biggest difference is at the age of 50 I am totally uninhibited regarding the exploration of sex and not only does this give me an advantage it gives me a unique experience.

Now what else was going on in my head that had a basis in reality…this nut was a little harder to crack! The “Queen of denial” sat upon her mighty throne and threw out all kinds of bullshit excuses for my confused feelings, lack of sleep, irritability..etc….till finally there was no more denying it! I was scared of emotional attachment!!

The truth of the matter is I want more sex, and I want that more sex to be with M…But I don’t want to form any dependency or emotional attachment with M.
My apologies for being so crass here but seriously, how would it be possible to fuck the same person week after week for months on end and NOT form some kind of emotional attachment?
I know that people have casual sex all of the time…fuck there is even a website called “The dummies guide to NSA sex”
So my question…how do you keep it casual enough with the same consistent person without developing some form of attachment…and my answer..I don’t know if you can.

So I do the only thing that makes any sense to me at the time…..I block M so that he cannot contact me on POF anymore!!!

 

4 thoughts on “Distractions, disorder and discord!

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