After unblocking M I had about a week before he got back from his business trip to try and work my shit out and decide exactly what I wanted to do.
It did not take me long to come to the understanding that I honestly did not think it was going to be possible to have an ongoing sexual relationship, particularly an extremely satisfying one with just one consistent person and not form some kind of emotional attachment…The “queen of denial” finally accepted this fact and she got down from her throne and took off so now it was back to just me and the “inner bitch” (who never goes away)!!
I figured I would let M know that although I had previously indicated that I planned only being sexually active with one person at a time I was going to have to renege on that deal and give him the option of remaining as one of my casual dating partners or opting out….I did hope that if he decided to opt out that we would have amazing, sensual, exhilarating sex just one more time!!
I then spent the next 7 days fishing around in the murky ponds of POF…I listed my short list of “catches” in a previous post but there really is only a couple of serious contenders. My biggest problem is that before I can consider a “romp in the hay” there has to be an intellectual connection and sadly a lot of the fish who message me are unable to speak in complete sentences or have a limited vocabulary of 3 and 4 letter words. Many of the men who send me a message never get past the small talk stage.
So now having made the decision to play the field I am confident I can keep emotions out of it and keep my self esteem in tact…I want to have my cake and eat it too and what the hell I am 50 and from now on I make the rules so there is absolutely no reason why I cannot have it all!!