I am more nervous about tonight’s date than any other moment I have had with M. I seriously want this date to end in some hot and steamy sex but I know that I have to be open and honest with him and in all fairness to him, the conversation needs to happen before the sex….damn morals!!
I also think I am nervous because of the entire casual dating scene being so new to me…It is kind of weird, the first date did not trouble me, although I never expected for a minute I would have sex with someone on a first date, it happened and it did not feel wrong, in fact everything about it felt right. The second time ended up not being a date, it was just sex and again it did not feel wrong it just kind of felt…confusing.
So then how do you sit across a dinner table from someone in a nice restaurant when you know the last time you saw them all you did was have sex….granted it was awesome, exhilarating sex, but it was still just sex!!
I turned up to the restaurant early…because that is what I do, and I sit in my baking hot car and wait for M, he shows up a couple of minutes later, I get out of my car as he walks across the car park to greet me. He leans forward and kisses me and instantly all of my nerves have gone.
While sharing a perfectly lovely dinner, conversation is flowing about a whole range of different subjects, a glass of wine in and I decide I am ready to spill the beans. I feel the nerves coming back, I mean how do you tell someone that that you previously told you would be monogamous that you had changed your mind and now you want to have 2 or 3 casual sex partners!! Cripes!
I dive straight in and tell M that I am finding this whole casual dating thing challenging and that I need to make sure that I not only keep my self esteem intact but also ensure I do not invest myself emotionally…I am struggling for the words to say and M…gracious as ever, lets me off the hook. He suggests to me that even though I had previously told him otherwise I should seriously consider expanding my horizons with other casual partners…Wow! That was too easy!
With all of that out of the way and dessert almost finished I am ready to go back to M’s house for the piece de resistance!!