Honestly this online dating experience is like a whole new world, I feel like I am playing a game of “Daes Dae’mar”!! It would be so much easier if people just said what the hell they mean instead of there being a whole lot of innuendo behind it.
As I previously indicated I struggled with continuing with my blog and including M2 particularly as I had changed the game rules. It felt deceptive somehow, especially considering the tone and content of some of our conversations.
I have to take some responsibility and accept that since I changed the game rules it has created a level of confusion I would think for both of us.
At least with M1 I was absolutely clear on what the ground rules were. A date ending in sex typically once a week. No ties, not commitments just intelligent conversation, food and sex!! With M2 I honestly have no fucking clue what is going on and I find it very disconcerting. I know, I know, live for the fucking moment, Carpe Momentum!! Realistically that is what I should be doing but this does not gel with the part of my brain that needs to understand and reconcile things not to mention my absolute obsessive need to be in control!!
I am just so confused about exactly what it is we are doing, I honestly feel like I get mixed signals from M2 and I am not sure how to handle them, it truly is like a game of Daes Dae’mar….and I am not finding it enjoyable at all!!
I know, I know, I am rambling and you are all confused and thinking what the fuck is she talking about and to be honest with you I wish I knew!!
Here is a summary of my dates so far with M2….maybe this will help!!
First date – Met for coffee, very intelligent, interesting with easy flowing conversation. I was disappointed to have to cut the date short due to a work commitment.
Second date – Met for drinks the following day, I needed to ensure he understood the casual dating aspect and that I was dating more than just one person. Spent 3 minutes talking about that and then 3 hours talking about a whole range of interesting subjects.
Third date – After a discussion regarding chemistry and mutual attraction we moved the date ahead one day. Our discussions were very clear in that this dinner date was going to end in sex. We had a lovely dinner, free flowing intelligent conversation and then after dinner spent 4 hours engaged in THE most amazing sexual experience of my life.
Phone conversation – This is where I changed the game rules, told M2 I was no longer interested in casually dating, explained to him that I realized that I was not the person who could sleep with more than one man at a time. I told him that I would leave it up to him if he wanted to continue to date, and if he chose to we could go out, have fun and then when it was time for me to go home we would kiss and say goodbye.
Fourth date – M2 sent a message about going out to “eat and talk” it actually sounded ominous and I believed this was going to be the “dear john” conversation. I was okay and fully prepared for this given the situation. When M2 arrived at the restaurant he greeted with me in rather perfunctory manner. We ordered the food and ate and we actually had a very pleasant time, good food, good conversation. When we got to the end of the dinner I was confused so I said”what are we doing M2, are we going back to your place?” He said that he was going back to his house and I was going to mine. I asked him to explain and he said he did not want to be involved in my decision about going home….Let me elaborate a little on this, my job had asked me to stay here longer and M2 was aware that the following day I had to give them a decision if I was going to stay and he did not want anything between us to influence my decision. I tried to elaborate more on exactly what was between us and that is when he had said that I changed the “game” on him and that he signed up for one thing “casual dating” and now it was something else… But honestly who the fuck knows what he meant by the something else, I certainly did not and I suspect he didn’t know himself. This is when he said “And what if I fall in love with you, what then” We basically finished this conversation by really confirming all we could do was take it one day at a time and see what happens…..we arranged to meet for coffee the following day …….And he sent me home without sex!!!
Fifth date – I texted M2 in the morning that I had agreed to the contract and was staying for another 15 months, I asked him if this changed our coffee date and he said “of course not” I went to his house for coffee after work and and we sat and talked for a couple of hours, I asked him if we were going to go eat dinner or go have sex or what were we going to do and he told me he was going to the gym and I was going home…..Again I was sent home like an errant child without sex…..He did agree however the following day could be a sex date and allowed me to choose a lunch time date or late in the evening after a meeting he had to attend…I did not want a quick noon-er so I chose the late evening date.
Sixth date – I had a lot of questions on my mind about just what we were doing, I was confused about the 2 (non sex) dates, particularly the coffee date because honestly anyone knows that “coffee” means “sex”….but I guess that is incredibly hypocritical of me especially considering this entire post is about people saying what they fucking mean so lesson learned…next time I will make it very clear that after we drink the damned coffee, there will be sex!!!
Anyway…back to our 6th date, I did not get all of my questioned answered, M2 can be very distracting (in a good way) but he can also be somewhat elusive. I do not sense any bad intention over the elusiveness and honestly it could be that M2 does not know the answers because quite frankly I fucking don’t either!!….This however did not stop us from having amazing sex and I went home fully sated!!
PoF message- Since I did not get all of my questions answered I sent him a message online the following day, he answered some of my questions but again was very elusive about the rest… most specifically those questions related to “what the fuck are we doing”!!
In the end I just go so frustrated with the entire thing I decided I was not wasting anymore effort on this bullshit…!! I basically told him I was leaving him in the drivers seat as to when and where we see each other and what type of date it will be…Dinner date, coffee date (real fucking coffee) or sex date!!
Today I get a text message from him
M2: hey, how are you?
Jad: Great thanks, started writing my book last night. How are you?
M2: I will be your biggest fan
Jad: Might let you read a little next time I see you, my writing style is very different.
Then that’s it….end of text exchange, nothing else, nada!!?? What the fuck is that all about? If he is not going to discuss the possibility of another date why the text message?
Seriously, this dating bullshit is such hard work I just don’t know if the sex payoff is worth it, despite the fact that it is fucking out of this world amazing sex!!!