Sadness and Madness!!!

So it finally hit me, I guess I had known since Monday it was coming but I honestly did not expect it to hit me that hard! Yeah I know once again you have no effing clue what I am talking about.

Let me back up a little. I gave my job 12 months notice back in December 2015. I knew in my soul that it was time for me to go home. I have been away from my family for 11 years and during that time I lost my brother, sister and Father. My granddaughter has grown up without me and my Grandson will do the same if I don’t get my arse back home soon.

I do not regret for a minute the time I have spent in the USA, in fact this time was a tremendous opportunity for growth, personally, financially and professionally but again, there is a time for everything and this time of my life is over and it is now time for a new adventure. Armed with that decision I began to put my American life in order. I sold almost all of my furniture, gave away a whole bunch of shoes and clothes and household stuff. I moved into a tiny apartment with very little furniture and I am currently sleeping on an airbed and have been for the last 6 months….yep you heard right, a fucking airbed. I can almost guarantee you that I will not be bringing any PoF catches back here for wild passionate sex…..on an airbed!!

My job asked me to stay longer and Monday was the day where I had to give my Company an answer. There were a lot of things that were taken into consideration when I was making my decision and honestly, I believe I have made the right choice, which is to stay but even believing and knowing I made the right decision does not, and did not stop the sadness descending down on me……I hope that the sadness is short lived..hell, I am already stark raving mad, I don’t want to be “Sad and Mad”!!! What a combination!!

So what to do with this sadness? Last night when I got home from work I sat at my computer writing. I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper into self pity so I decided to go out. I headed downtown, figured I would see if I could find some live music and have a few beers and maybe, just maybe I would get lucky!!. I ended up in a bar that was full… of 3 people…seriously, what the fuck kind of town is this, Friday night and there are 3 fucking people sitting at the bar! I drank my beer, left, walked down main street a little bit more, crossed the road and went into another bar, same fucking deal except this bar had one person who clearly was a regular and then 2 bar staff who were only to eager to get me my beer.

After my second beer I had more “socializing” than I could stand and decided to head home….my last thought before I went to sleep was how the fuck and I am going to get through the next 15 months AND, while the sex is absolutely fucking amazing, am I using it to fill some void in my life… If so does it really matter??

It suppose it could be worse…I could be using food to fill the void and then end up starring in an episode of my 600 lb life. At least with sex…most especially ninja style marathon sex, I am burning a whole bunch of calories!!

This my dear readers is why I am FUBAR!!!

5 thoughts on “Sadness and Madness!!!

  1. More socializing than you could handle, eh? LOL 😄

    Cities or metropolitan areas (about 7.1 million or more) are much much better than small rural towns in the middle of nowhere. Fyi, but I bet you KNEW THAT already! Hahaha

    Turning the page for more maddening sadness! 😉 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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