Beer is a bastard!!

Still in a terrible funk a good friend decided it was high time I got out of it so they kidnapped me and took me to a bar for a few drinks and some food! Well they didn’t actually kidnap me they strongly urged me…okay well it wasn’t exactly strongly urged..they asked..alright they asked!!!
Anyway this place we went to has alligator and somehow the conversation got on to if I have ever tried it and I had not so the decision was made that I would try a piece of alligator….Ummm, I am not sure who exactly made that decision especially since I was just on my first beer and not sure I was ready to try alligator. I mean really that is totally stepping out of my comfort zone…ah what the fuck, everything I do these days is out of my comfort zone so why not eat the damned alligator.

Well…It was delicious, and now I have to go there again one day so I can have my own serving of alligator. Anyway after delicious food and conversation it was time to move on to bowling. If I had not already suffered enough humiliation by bowling a grand score of 33 and wining the prize for the most gutter balls at a recent staff event I now have to go and embarrass myself even more.

I followed my friends to the local entertainment center, well I did not exactly follow them because they are speed demons and they lost me somewhere between the bar and the driveway so it is lucky I knew just where to find them….And find them I did, lane already booked and 1 of the biggest cups of beer I have ever seen in my life!! Fuck they might as well have handed me a jug for the amount of beer that was in it. Now this is where I should have said an extremely polite thank you and told them I was only going to be able to drink half of that…or maybe just slowly drank it and made the entire cup last all night even if I needed to drink warm beer but noooooooo….Idiot that I am kept my big gob shut and drank the fucken entire goblet of beer and then started on the next one.

Now most of you might not see a problem with that. In fact very few people know this about me but I cannot hold my beer, I can get shit face pissed on wine or vodka or all manner of alcohol with no problems but get me drunk on beer and I am a fucking lost cause!! I am reckless, can be mean, and will have the worst fucking hangover as a severe punishment for idiocy! I learnt in my 20s that beer and I do not make a good combination so since then have always stopped at 2 beers. I honestly think it stems back to between the ages of 9 and 12 when I used to get shit faced drunk on beer every weekend…I think my reaction to beer now is my  body’s way of punishing me for abusing it in my youth.

So fucked up on beer I had a fun time bowling but spent time between frames having some very inappropriate conversations on PoF…I was chatting with W and I also reconnected with J who he even offered to come and pick me up from bowling to make sure I got home safe because I told him I was shit faced drunk and was going to have to walk home…Fortunately I did not have to stagger home or get in the car with a stranger because my friend dropped me home, well not her exactly because she was as shit faced drunk as me, her hubby dropped me home.

Safely tucked up in my apartment, or so they thought my friends headed to their own home, little did they know of the havoc and destruction I was going to wreak!!!
I hopped straight onto my computer and continued my conversations with both J and W and made tentative arrangement with them both for a hook up!! I then sent an incredibly obnoxious text message to M2 and followed it up with an equally obnoxious email…finally I made a date with M1!! Yep I sure did!

So destruction completed I decided it was high time I go find my car..armed with nothing but my car keys I went walking the streets at around 1 am, I thought I could slip through the back way where the construction was but found without clambering over building material or walking in the pitch black I could not get through so I turned around to go back home took a wrong turn and ended up on an unfamiliar street so then had to back track. My 5 minute walk to the car turned into an hour long unsuccessful trek and I returned to my apartment, messed around on my computer a bit more and then went to bed. My stomach growled uncontrollably so I got up again and ate half a bag of cookies…played on my computer some more until it was time to get ready for work.

Around 6 am I checked my phone to turn off my alarm and discovered I had text messages from M2, I had to scroll up to see what he was talking about….Oh MY fucking GOD!! Ugh and there was a fucking email too!!!

Not only did I spend the better part of the day with the vilest hangover I also  had to spend most of the morning eating crow!!!!

Never fucking again am I going to drink beer….not even ONE!!!  Beer is a Bastard!!

Oh, but at least I have a date with M1 to look forward to 😛

7 thoughts on “Beer is a bastard!!

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