Today I probably had one of the single most embarrassing experiences of my life and quite frankly I cannot believe I am even sharing it with all you nosy fuckers!!! Even thinking about typing it I can feel my face getting red with embarrassment, but hey the things we do for a good story right!!!
Before I start though I just want to say how the fuck do I get myself into this shit, ALL the time, I mean seriously, most peoples lives do not include enough real life stories to create a blog let alone descriptions of embarrassing events….this is what I imagine it would be like for a normal person……”Went to the grocery store today to do some shopping and while I was walking down the aisle a fart slipped out, it wasn’t a SBD fart, it was loud and juicy I am surprised I didn’t shit my pants” See that would be it, who hasn’t farted in a grocery store and left a bad odor behind or did a walking fart or all kinds of manner of embarrassing fart moments. Pretty much everyone has their own fart story to tell but most people have a filter and actually keep those stories to themselves. I myself have several fart stories I could regale Y’all with and probably would if you asked because I have no filter….. But most people are limited to stuff like fart stories…They do not have stories about cucumbers, toothpaste, dildos, shave bumps, and fucking G-strings etc etc etc…why the fuck do I get into these situations ALL the time?!!!
So without any further ado let me tell you what happened…Do Y’all remember some time ago I told M1 about my morning sex fantasy and I realized every single fucking night I was going to have to go to bed ready for the possibility that I may have sex the following morning, well that lasted less than a fucking week, I mean shit at the age of fucking 50 it takes a lot of work to get ready for sex!! So I gave up on that fantasy ever really coming to fruition.
Well last night MPrime and I got on to the subject of fantasies and I told him of my morning sex fantasy, honestly I do not know where this fantasy came from. I am pretty sure I plagiarized it from a book or a movie a long time ago, not sure exactly how long probably a few years and quite honestly there is no fucking way I will be able to pull it off the way I do in my head…. I mean in my fantasy I am wearing super cute pajamas and my hair is all tousled from sleep my lips pouty and sexy and my eyes heavy and also sexy but in reality I probably look like a horror show with my hair all knotted and messy, left over make up on my eyes from the night before and dried drool on my face and morning breath but hey its my fucken fantasy and I can pretend I look sleep tousled, hot and sexy!!
When I got home around 3 am MPrime texted me a picture, the one attached to this blog about morning sex so it seems that just maybe my fantasy will be fulfilled at sometime in the not so distant future….Around 7 am I checked my computer and found a message from my sister on Facebook about my Mum not doing to so well, in fact they had spent the better part of the day at the hospital. I talked to my sister for a bit and then talked to my Mum for a bit. Literally about 2 minutes after hanging up from my Mum I got a text message……
“Are you still in your PJs” so I responded “Yes” the next text said “so am I, wanna play in PJs”….Now of course I said yes!! Final message said ” I will leave the garage door open and you can just drive in” Now my dear readers this should have been my fucking clue!!! but distracted from my Mum and also, fucking hot that my long term fantasy was going to be fulfilled my brain chose to ignore that piece of information….I literally gargled some mouth wash, tousled my hair, checked for dried drool then grabbed my keys, I was just about to run out of my apartment door when I realized I did need to put something over my PJs to get to my car because honestly my PJs are positively obscene….Now I know you are asking why I am wearing obscene PJs when I live alone….I like them, they are comfy and cute and if my apartment ever burns down and I have to run out in the middle of the night at least I will be the talk of the town!!! So ran back in my bedroom and just pulled a dress over my PJs.
I get in my car and start driving to MPrime’s house, oh! my! god!….I cannot even begin to describe what the anticipation is like driving on your way to have your fantasy fulfilled…..All I can say is it was absolutely delicious!!! Just around the corner from MPrime’s house I pull over to the side of the road and take off my dress so all I am wearing is my PJs. I drive up to his house and I am confused because his garage door is closed…then the dread hit my stomach like a lead balloon. I picked up my phone and sure enough the fucking text message came from M1 and not from MPrime….I was at the wrong fucking house……..shit, shit, shit, shit, fucking shit!!! I quickly reverse out of MPrime’s driveway and leave his subdivision. I pull over to the side of the road and slip my dress back on and then wonder what the fuck am I going to do, I think for a brief minute of sending M1 a message to say that I got delayed but on my way but then realized that I did not want to have this fantasy fulfilled by M1 and decided then and there that if MPrime was not going to at some point share this fantasy with me then I will just keep it to myself. So now what to do about M1, well I couldn’t exactly be honest could I, fuck!! I really, really do not like being deceptive but I felt like my choice was suffer extreme humiliation or lie my arse off….I chose the latter!! Actually it was half truths, I texted M1 and said I was delayed because my Mum was at hospital and the fantasy will have to be put on hold for another time. So now at some point I am going to have to find a way of telling M1 that I no longer want to experience that fantasy or if he texts me again on another morning either ignore the text and pretend like I am sleeping or text back that I have plans….One day I just may have to tell him I no longer have or want that fantasy but for now I am just going to leave it alone!!
This now leaves me with MPrime, what to do about him. I am almost 99.99% sure he has fucking cameras in the front of his house, not sure how often he checks them or even if he does but I realized I am going to have to admit to him about this mix up, especially considering I already knew it was going to be a blog entry as soon as I could get over the absolute mortification I was feeling so I figured I just needed to get it over with and tell him. I knew he was going to find it absolutely hysterically fucking funny!!…..And he did!
This type of situation CANNOT happen again. They both have the same first name and the the same first initial of their last name so they are right next to each other on the contact list of my phone. I tried to modify the contact details of both M1 and MPrime to their blog designations instead of their name but it seems my phone is pulling details from their email address or something so I cannot modify their names at all……There is nothing left for it, I am going to have to be a creepy stalker dude and go out to both of their profiles on PoF and take a photo of their profile pictures and add a photo next to their names on my phone.