My most amazing achievements since turning 50!!!

I am catching up on some blogs that I had partially written but not completed so sorry for the delay but actually Vegas was more important than giving Y’all something to read while on the bog!!!

First of all I thought I would take some time to share with you the wondrous and amazing things have happened to me since I turned 50…..don’t get me wrong, it has not ALL be wonderful and amazing but considering where I was and how far I have come many of these experiences have been very profound.

Lets start with the obvious shall we…..Probably the most amazing discovery has been that multiple orgasms are not a myth and that chocolate is not better than sex!!
As I previously mentioned I have the sex drive of a prepubescent boy and it would seem the down side of my discovery is that surprisingly enough, sex is not that easy to get at the age of 50 especially when you have a 50 year old body that has seen much better days. My inner bitch and I are constantly at war as to the reasons why sex seems so hard to get and honestly it can be a little wearing at your self esteem. I guess for me the natural reaction is to look at my own self image and make the assumption that I am not desirable….not sure what to do with all this negativity, I am trying not to let it affect my self esteem but it is not always easy especially when you have an inner bitch that often likes to point this shit out to me on a fairly consistent basis!!

Moving on to feet!! usually a topic that for me is cringe worthy but since starting on this amazing adventure I have moved past a lot of my phobia and texture issues related to my feet…I no longer wear shoes during sex, I no longer have to wear socks or nylons 24/7, I can wear cute shoes like open sandals and yes fuck I can even wear flip flops, I can tolerate someone touching my feet such as during a pedicure or even a foot massage if I get a cramp after a 4 hour ninja sex marathon. I am no longer considering wearing water proof shoes in the shower and can actually tolerate not wearing shoes for brief periods when walking around my home as well as longer periods during ninja sex marathons. I still wear socks and shoes to bed for sleeping and I think I always will but I am not stressed about this as I use this opportunity to keep my feet supple by slathering them in lotion and putting socks on before I got to bed.

Food is broken down into two sections, the first one we will talk about is texture. I have not eaten cooked vegetables since my parents tried force feeding me them as a small child. I have started to step out of my comfort zone and try different vegetables, so far I have tried and liked green beans, cabbage, and spinach, I liked the broccoli stems but not the nasty green tree bit and I did not like the carrots not one little bit. My favorite would have to be the green beans that were done in some yummy garlic flavoring, they were fricken delicious. Another surprising thing is previously if there was something in my mouth I did not like I would spit it out…..Food!!! I am talking about food! Yeesh, get your mind out of the gutter!! Anyway, I tried some foods I did not like such as the carrot but I finished what was in my mouth anyway, I just needed to wash it down with a little water and it did not make me gag…..Hello!! still talking about food!!
However…all of this progression with my phobias I need to state now for the record I will NEVER ever ever not EVER eat or like potato!!

The other food issues I have is when it comes to sharing food or other people smelling, touching, breathing or heck even looking at my damn food!! I am one of these people who will not share potato chips out of a bag or a bowl, I do not share my drink with anyone and I especially will not share food of the same plate. So how has this changed and why?…seriously who the fuck knows, I constantly find myself doing bizarre things like offering to share food from my plate or take food out of someones hand and eat it, I catch myself doing this and I think “who are you and where the fuck is Jad?” I really do not know where all of this is coming from….I will draw the line at sharing drinks however…ugh the thought of drinking someones backwash makes me want to gag!!!

The final thing for now is being a passenger in a car, for many many years I have had a terrible phobia about being a passenger in a car which has been quite crippling at times. I have actually walked over a mile in knee deep snow with no jacket rather than get in a taxi cab…But just recently I have begun to work on this phobia, baby steps I was able to get into MPrime’s car and go to dinner, I was also able to get in my friend “D”s car for girly shopping and out to dinner, I managed a 2 hour car ride with her to the airport and then multiple Uber rides in Vegas….Not sure if I am completely over this phobia because I still feel nervous but it has not been white knuckle wrenching and I have not demanded anyone pull over to the side of the ride so I can get out and walk which has been my past experiences.

That is about all for now but I am still working through my many foibles and phobia’s and will be sure to keep you posted…..who knows I might one day actually end up a sane, normal person and not the “Fubar” that I am!!!

 

2 thoughts on “My most amazing achievements since turning 50!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s