So I went to the doctors today…. Long story but I completely lost my shit on Sunday, I mean when I say I lost my shit I really did!!
I bought a Keurig on Saturday and when I went to set it up the bloody thing did not work, kept asking for more water even though the damned thing was full of water….A phone call to product support did not resolve the issue so it was a visit back to the store to change it over. I could not be bothered with fucking with the new one on Saturday so Sunday morning I got up early and started to set it up….fuck me if the damned thing did not do exactly the same thing as the other one. I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I was so angry. I picked up the Keurig ready to aim the fucker through the window. I stopped myself just in time then melted on my kitchen floor in a sobbing mess. After sobbing for sometime I pulled myself together and cleaned myself up. I realized I was angry about so many things, not just the Keurig. I talked to my good friend D and she solicited a promise from me then when I go to the doctors the following Tuesday that I should ask about anti-depressants.
I have been saying for a long time that I feel like I am on a Roller coaster ride and each time the ride ends I just get right back on again. My latest description has been that I am on a roller coaster ride to hell so I figured what the heck, let me tell the doctor about my life and see what she thinks.
We talked about all kinds of stuff including the fact that at the age of 50 I discovered that sex is better than chocolate. I also told her of the sex with random partners, the difficulty in finding sex at the age of 50 and also that I did not know if I was seeking sex because I like it so much or if I am using it to replace something that is missing.
Let me tell you this doctor is awesome!! She really looked at the situation and me not only from the perspective of her experiences from conversations with patients but also as a woman and as a medical professional. She was able to combine all of that and help me to understand a little bit about things……what she basically did was give me a prescription to continue to have sex…for real!!
I try very hard to operate by my motto DILLIGAF and I know a really big part of me honestly does not give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks about my recent choices or decisions regarding men and sex however it was nice to get some validation from a medical professional that I am not completely fucked up in the head and my morals have not been totally thrown to the wolves.
It does come down a little bit to social norms, what we are bought up with and double standards….It is okay for a single man to go fuck anyone in an skirt, in fact it is expected but when a woman has multiple sex partners it creates a different connotation. So while part of me was DILLIGAF, my inner bitch….being the judgmental cow that she is continued to have little digs at me to the point where I was continually questioning myself and my own morals……but no more…I have it on good authority from my doctor that it is perfectly healthy for me to want sex and also perfectly okay for me to have sex with random sex partners, she also made the comment I so often make….I am only doing what most people did in their late teens and twenties.
She did however tell me that if I decided to start seeking sex with 18 year old boys then perhaps there would be a problem. I told her that would never happen, I was offered sex with a 40 year old and while I was seriously considering it I was having a hard time committing because 40 seemed just too young.
My doctors final words before ending our consultation was to discuss safe sex with me and then to suggest that I might want to try the 40 year old!!!
So……I got home from work, texted the 40 year old whom we will call J and arranged a date….I bought lingerie to cover the pieces I do not want a 40 year old to see and he was fine knowing it had to stay on…this was last night……..My week long drought of no sex was broken by a 40 year old stud!!
Oh….and I do have a prescription for an anti-depressant, have not yet decided if I am going to take them but I probably will just make D happy 😛