I’m a Party girl in the online world!! It’s fantastic!! fucking drastic!!!

 

For me to be able to continue on from my last blog I first need to tell you about J..no no no, not the 40 year old J…this is someone different!! Actually I am going to call him J* …..”J”, just does not seem to be enough!! I thought of many names for him, Jstar, Jhot, JF etc but I decided he encompasses so many things and J* fits perfectly!!

J* and I started typing on Zoosk some time ago and then we moved to texting, I though we might get together one time as a possibility but never really any more than that because of distance….J* was my first ever penis picture….seriously!! he really was!…..although I have to admit that was probably my fault, he asked if I wanted to see a teaser so I said sure…I had no fucking clue the teaser was going to be a picture of his penis!! He was also my first ever experience at sexting….Let me  tell you ladies, if you have never sexted you should try it at least once…while it is no comparison to the real thing, if the real thing is not available and you have spent the entire evening drinking “sex on the beach” then sexting can be an adequate substitute….Sexting is not something I would actively seek out but I would not completely dismiss the the activity again, and it was fun to experience it at least once…..I will admit however when I checked my phone the following morning, in my sober state of mind I did go a little red faced at some of the text exchanges…Including the one where he decided that since he sent me a penis pic I should reciprocate…and I did….”gulp!!” I decided it would be better just to delete the conversation and the offending picture/s so there was no record, anywhere…ever…Oops, I guess he has a record on his phone…crumbs!!

Anyway let me get back to the story….I was not sure if J* and I would ever meet but to cut a long story short we did meet, J* has incredible stamina and a smoking hot body, we had amazing sex but we figured because of distance it would be a one time thing. We continued to exchange text messages on a reasonably regular basis which was very unusual given my recent pattern which seemed to be that all of a sudden the guy loses his ability to exchange text messages with me after we fuck despite the fact that before fucking we might have texted 50 to 200 times per day!!…..Sorry for my crassness but honestly what is up with that, it is so frustrating and also potentially damaging to a persons self esteem… Potential, fuck potential, it was fucking screwing with my self esteem!!

I mean how am I supposed to feel when I spend days or weeks texting a guy, I mean really, often I would wake up in the morning and there would be a text from him, I would receive random texts through out the day, saying things like “hi sexy, are you thinking about me?” you know..shit like that…till finally we get to a point where we have sex and then NADA, nothing, ziltch, its like radio silence!!! It kind of screws with your head……I try to rationalize it…I tell myself that it is probably a game men play that once they have won the prize they then move on to the next game…but there is my inner bitch to contend with, who of course is very convincing on how I must really suck at sex since men do not seem to want it a second time!! Or maybe they are so incredibly turned off by my “tummy” ….which quite honestly I would not blame them….I can look in the mirror and like what I see with every part of my body except my “tummy” So I finally got to a really low point and decided I could not continue to do this to myself anymore…despite the fact that I STILL, really like sex I made a decision that I would no longer have random sex partners or sex with anyone until we at least got to a 4th date and, that I was confident they knew what they were getting themselves into.

J* and I had continued to text each other and along the way we developed a relationship that kind of went beyond the bounds of two people who randomly met and had great sex. I felt comfortable talking and texting with him pretty much from the beginning but as time went on conversation  became so easy and relaxed. We pretty much could say anything to each other, he would tell me about his dates, experiences and worries and I would tell him about mine. One day I decided to ask him….This was my question…..”The online dating, is it like a guy just wants to have sex and then that’s it, they are done! It’s like they won the prize and now they don’t even need to bother anymore?” J* responded with…can I call you on the phone?

We talked for almost 2 hours and our conversation was very enlightening, I told J* how I was beginning to feel like it was me or my body, that I was not attractive or sex with me was rubbish!! J* assured me MANY times through out the conversation that was NOT the case at all. He went as far as telling me that sex with me was one of the best experiences he had ever had and he also said a lot of lovely things about my body and often referred to it as “smoking hot” which I had to admit was good for the ego!!. He was actually very reassuring which was something I needed to hear not only from a mans perspective but also from the perspective of a man who had slept with me but had nothing to lose or gain from telling me the truth.

What J* did tell me was that found the experience with me a little intimidating, he was not sure if intimidating was the appropriate word but what he said was this….”You are so sexual and so sensual that you put every part of your body into every thing you do during sex” Everything you did, everything we did together was incredible and because you were so into it and so good at everything I felt like I might not have been enough or maybe didn’t measure up”

I was totally blown away by what he said and not sure how to react, I had a couple of comments previously from men that kind of alluded the experience being something different but I really did not understand it or even think that I digested it properly. A few weeks prior the hottie from Galveston way had told me he never experienced anything quite like it in his life and he hoped he was enough, I was not sure how to take what he said and did not really question him on it although I did reassure him I had enjoyed the experience immensely.

I really was not sure what to do with what J* told me, some of it made sense, particular given some of the comments but what did not make sense to me is that with my new sexual experiences and the immense enjoyment of it I have found that my body is extremely reactive…..honestly ladies, while you could probably fake an orgasm with moans and groans what you cannot fake……and lets be blunt here… is the wetness!!
So based on my bodies reactions there is no possible way they did not know just how much I enjoyed the experience so WHY the fuck would any of them think they were not enough??

Every single experience I have had has been unique, pleasurable and amazing (except for the experience with SPP)….Size, shape, form has not mattered one iota and with each person I have had many wonderful and new experiences and sensations so it is disheartening to think that my new found sensuality might not always be an asset.
In my conversation with J* I said to him….
“I believe I am an incredibly sensual and sexual woman” I do not know if it is egotistical for me to describe myself that way but it is how I feel and it is how I AM in bed and I don’t want to change that part of me”
J* told me I absolutely was sexual and sensual,  that since leaving my apartment he has done nothing but try and think about how the fuck can he get back for more despite the fact that he felt maybe he was not enough, he also insisted that I never change!!
I was able to assure J* that everything we experienced together was incredible, so much so, that we began talking about getting together for another experience…..”happy happy, joy, joy!! I have not had sex for over a week but maybe the drought is over, it looks like I am heading his way this weekend!!!

As for my future in online dating…..4 date minimum before I will even consider sex….my hormones have finally settled somewhat and while I still LOVE sex, it is not fixated on my brain all the time like a prepubescent teenage boy and I actually even passed up a “sex date “with the  40 year old for a “non sex” first date!!!

 

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