So readers I alluded to the fact that there was a lot going on in my batshit crazy little head as being one of the reasons for me not writing so much and I figure now is probably time to get it all out there on paper……well my monitor…my blog..you know what the fuck I mean….Anyway it is time to get it all out there and be damned with fucking social norms!!
When I started this journey I had “established” values in regards to sex, programmed into me over the years and honestly I lived comfortably with those values. It was not until I started this journey and went against these values that my internal struggle began.
We live in a strange age, we still hold onto old Victorian principles in many aspects yet we struggle against them daily. We also send incredibly mixed messages to our children…for example….We constantly tell them to clean up their plate, eat all their dinner, you have to eat ALL of your dinner before you can have dessert.
We are inadvertently teaching our children to become over eaters instead of teaching them to stop eating when they are full…..in fact we are fucking rewarding them for overeating by promising something good (dessert) if they eat everything on their plate despite the fact that they were probably full halfway through dinner!!
We are taught from an early age the “appropriate path” in life is to finish school, get a job, meet someone, get married, have kids, raise the kids and grow old together with your spouse……..
Note from writer: me again..Jad….when I wrote the above post I was struggling with my internal feelings against what is socially acceptable regarding the number of sexual partners I have had since turning 50. Honestly it is quite astounding, how does one go from having 2 sexual partners (both husbands) in 50 years to then having double digits and then how do you rationalize and internalize it so that you are comfortable with it. Let me tell you it was not fucking easy especially with my inner bitch but I can honestly say that now I am totally comfortable with the choices that I have made and the journey I have been on. I have no negative feelings about the number of sexual partners I have had. In fact I am appreciative of the experiences and the memories they have created for me.
Just as an addition to the above I want to add my personal feelings about relationships.
I believe relationships have a “Best before date” or a “use by date”
Genetically and instinctively we were not designed to take a “mate for life”
Throughout history there are many cultures and countries that rebel against monogamy, concubines, mistresses, harems just to name a few.
People change month by month, year by year……Life experiences shape the person you are and while NATURE determines some key things about a personality NURTURE can change and alter your personality. So with experiences and personal growth comes change. While it may be true that if you are in a relationship you can grow together I personally think a relationship also has the potential to stunt your growth. I also believe that many relationships reach their “best by date” because the personal growth of one person is not congruous or compatible with their partners and sadly many people stay together despite the fact they are no longer happy or satisfied in their relationship.
I know for me personally I will never put myself in a situation again where I am in anyway dependent on a partner either financially, emotionally, or physically.
If and when the relationship reaches its “use by date” I want the freedom to be able to say goodbye and move on.
Some people may think it sounds fucking lonely but lets be honest here, how many people do you personally know that are “unhappily married”