Never again will I…PMSL!!

Seriously, never going to happen!!
I am never!!…in this lifetime, ever again, going to piss myself laughing!!
No no….You have it all wrong, I will LOL, LMFAO and ROTFLMOA but I will never PMSL….See I have a little secret that I didn’t tell Y’all….I went and done it!

What did you do?….I hear you say…. Well let me back up a little, ya know I had kids right? …yup, 3 of them in 3 years and the end result was not just 3 beautiful kids but also, no longer could I laugh, cough, sneeze, fart, jump, skip or hop without losing a little bit of control of my bladder….that’s right, yep…I peed my pants!! I was one of those women that you see walking along somewhere then all of a sudden they stop and cross their legs  to cough or sneeze….Over the years you learn how to adjust your lifestyle so you don’t end up smelling permanently like a men’s bathroom urinal  but accidents happen and that’s where “poise” comes in…..damn!!! the money I have spent in that Company I should have bought stock, I probably have bought more poise pads over the years than I did sanitary napkins when I had periods!!

Anyway… I said you learn to adjust your lifestyle so to accommodate…. But picture this little scenario if you will……….Your on a date, the first date of  your life at the age of 50, the date is amazingly successful and he invites you back to his place for coffee and you really want to go but……How the fuck do you explain that along with your cute little polka dotted matching sexy bra and panties you are also wearing a huge fucking poise pad!!! I mean seriously what the fuck!!
I made adjustments to accommodate my little problem. Going without a poise pad was not an option. I mean seriously, you would hope that there is going to be a lot of laughing on a date so poise protection was necessary…it was just a matter of becoming adept at knowing when is the appropriate time to excuse yourself and head to the restroom to remove the incredibly “UNsexy” poise pad!! Then…you hope for the best that you do not have to laugh, cough or sneeze unprotected!!

I have had my little problem for over 25 years and never before in my life have I found it so debilitating almost to the point where I seriously considered giving up sex, dating and alcohol for ever!! Well maybe not the sex…or the alcohol…Oh screw it maybe not for ever but I did think about it for a minute or two every now and then!! Anyway you get the picture, this little problem of mine was fucking with my life so I decided to get it fixed.
After careful consideration and research I decided to have a bladder mesh sling done to put my damn bladder back to where it should be, actually while I did research it a little the consideration was more to do with do I want to pay $2700 as my out of pocket expense and I decided screw it, I am fucking worth it lets do it!! And I did!!

So now….I can run, jump, cough, sneeze, laugh without Pissing my pants….actually that might not be quite true, I am on restrictions…get this…no sex for 6 weeks, seriously what the fuck!! But I am also not allowed to run or jump so I have not tested if I can…. but!! I can laugh, cough and sneeze and NO pee!!…not even a dribble……so never again will I PMSL…..even when I am drunk!!! True story, I tested it out Sunday night!!

Oh and sorry Poise….no more money from me!!

4 thoughts on “Never again will I…PMSL!!

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