Hey friends, family, strangers…..who am I kidding!! There are NO strangers reading my blog!! Not sure what the deal is because I think it is funny as hell but I guess there is a secret trick to getting a blog out there for people to read that I do not know about…Hey!! maybe if Y’all send a link of my blog to someone that “I do NOT know” they may share it and then they in turn may share it and so on an so forth… oh what the fuck you get the drift!!…C’mon, don’t be shy…I deleted most of the pornographic stuff …just don’t tell whomever you share it with that you know me….just say something like…..Hey look at what the fuck I found on google, there is some pretty funny batshit crazy stuff in this blog!!
Anyway I digress…this is not what today’s post is about…firstly I am going to say that life has a habit of getting in the way of shit and I am about ummm…. maybe 5 or 6 posts behind…partly because…..let me be totally fucking honest here…I have had better things to do that sit in front of my computer and write about those better things that I have to do….another part of it is that some of the stuff is kind of awkward, as my circle of friends has been growing so have my blog followers and there comes a point in time where your blog followers have the potential to be “stories” in your blog and there lies the awkwardness……FUCK!!! I totally digressed again, I mean completely off the fucking track…lets try again shall we!!
Today’s blog is about symbolism…I think most people at some point in their life find that in some way symbolism becomes important to them. Most people are happy to hang some symbolic image on their car mirror or a wall in their house, some people develop little routines for their demonstration of symbolism…..Me!! Well I am this slightly quirky, fun loving, batshit crazy gal who took symbolism to the fucking extreme!!!
Firstly..I changed my name….Yep, I sure did!!
If you have been reading my blog from the beginning and you have read the about me section you will know some of my past…..If you have NOT been reading my blog in the “correct” way…shame on you, go back and do it properly ——–> archives —>
Jad is a name I adopted about 20 years ago when we first got a computer, the internet was the first place in my life where I felt like I had the freedom to be who I really was and regardless of how fleeting those moments were they were enough to give me the courage and the strength to embark on my long journey towards “emergence”
I was always a huge Star Trek fan so when I had to create an online user name I chose the names of my two dogs kirakess, somewhere along the line, I am not sure why or when I changed my username to Jadziahdax….now…I honestly do not know if there was thought either conscious or unconscious thought into the symbolic nature of that name but I like to think there was….For those of you who do not know, the character Jadzia’s species in Star Trek was a trill and she was a host to a Symbiont called Dax…..basically Jadzia and Dax had a symbiotic relationship where their personalities merged, throughout the series there were times when the Dax personality was more dominant and vice versa depending on the situation……This was my life!!!! No no, not Star Trek…fuck I am not that “batshit crazy” I mean there were times in my life where I could have a little control, and I could be the strong, empowered, independent woman that I was supposed to be…..You know, that girl that got buried somewhere beneath all the sexual, physical and emotional abuse.!
Over the course of the next 20 years there were a lot of occasions I got to use the name Jadziahdax, which got shortened to Jadziah, then to Jadz until finally Jad…I recently found a cigarette case that I had sent Terry over 12 years ago…. Before I even moved to America, it is engrave “Love always Jad”
When I left my first husband I tried to make the change from Sue to Susan, I even changed my user name in some places to SuddenlySusan but it just wasn’t enough, as time went on and I became more independent and empowered there was always a feeling that something was missing. In the last 6 or 7 months I have been on a wonderful journey of self discovery, an excellent meme that I came across just recently said “It wasn’t that she was changing. It was that she was finally becoming herself.” This is so incredibly relevant to my story…my journey….and to continue on my journey and be true to myself I need to make that step and be me “Jad”……I know that some people will always see me as Susan or Sue and that’s okay and I accept that some will always continue to call me those names.
On January 25th 2017 my name was legally changed to Jadziah Susan……this was my first act of symbolism but one that I feel was an important piece of my journey….For me, Jad signifies courage, strength, empowerment and everything that embodies the person that I am now and want to continue to be………………………..
If you see my picture attached to this post there is a little teaser of a tattoo….another symbol!!! But fuck it is late, and I am tired so I am going to bed and Y’all will have to wait for that story!!!