So one day “D” (AKA Louise) and I were talking, and fucked if I remember who’s idea it was or how the conversation came about but we discussed getting a tattoo of a semicolon….we hummed and ahhed for about maybe ermmm 40 seconds and we decided that we absolutely needed to make that our next “Thelma and Louise” adventure!!….For those of you who do not know what is significant about a semicolon my first instinct is to let y’all JFGI (just fucking google it) but since I am such a nice person I will tell you what it is about…..
Project Semicolon is a movement dedicated to presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction and self-injury.
The semicolon is an important piece of punctuation and is a perfect symbol for those who are struggling. “A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. As it relates to Project semicolon the author is you and the sentence is your life.” “My story isn’t over yet!!”
I am not about to tell you the significance of the semicolon for “Louise” (Aka “D”) who will hence forth in any blog entry now and in the future will be known as Louise… that is her story and not mine to tell….but I will tell you about my story.
When I was 22 years old, I made a very real attempt at suicide. I dropped a note off at my mother in-laws house, drove my car to a secluded dirt road and swallowed all of my pills prescribed to me for depression. At some point I fell asleep in my car, call it divine intervention, gods will, or a guardian angel…..personally I prefer sheer fucking luck….but a kid on a bicycle found me. I was taken to hospital, had my stomach pumped, filled with charcoal and then transferred to a psychiatric hospital…..I consider myself extremely lucky that I was not successful in my attempt, my sister was not so lucky, she was trying to chase away some of the same demons that I had been battling and her suicide attempt (one of many for her) was successful when she was 27 years young……So not meaning to depress the fuck out of y’all but I want you to truly understand the significance of the semicolon.
There are other people in my life apart from Louise that the semicolon has significant meaning for, but again, it is their story to tell……I will say that while all of those people I know personally who have a symbolic connection to the semicolon are special to me one of them has a “very” special place in my heart and I am grateful every day that she was not successful in her attempt.
The next is the butterfly …..The below was taken from a meme and altered slightly for my journey and is a totally fucking perfect description of what the butterfly means to me….
The butterfly is a symbol of metamorphosis and transformation.
The symbol of new life, letting go of old cycles and finding your true inner expression.
The butterfly calls you to expand your awareness, spread your wings and call forth your inner joy.
Let go of limitations and free yourself to express your own beauty within.
It is symbolic of moving from one phase of life to the next, reaching higher, reaching outward, leaving the safety of the cocoon and finding your own place among the flowers of life. Allowing the wind to carry you forward to your goals and dreams. A time of self discovery and rebirth.
The final symbolic symbol is the rainbow of colors for gay pride, there is a person in my life who has a very special place in my heart and the rainbow of colors is for him.
So there is the significance of my tattoo…..Louise went first because I told her if I saw one glimmer from her that it hurt like heck I was going to bolt!!! In true Louise fashion she sat Stoic the entire time despite the fact that she got her tattoo in a place that is supposed to hurt like fuck….My brave Louise!!
It’s not like I was scared or anything….okay, may be just a little…..Alright, alright, I was scared as fuck!! It is not the pain factor, shit I laugh in the face of needles, it is the trauma phobia thing that was bothering me…
But anyways….!! It did not hurt, did not freak me out and only cost me $140 and now I am the proud owner of my first tattoo…..is it my first and last??? Who the fuck knows, I think that to put something permanent on your body there should some very significant symbolic reason for the design and while I would not hesitate in going through the process again I honestly cannot think of anything symbolic enough…….Although I do have affinity with dragons!!