Ride a cock horse!!

OMG I know!!! This blog title is just way too much even for me but honestly I just could not fucking resist. I mean seriously, I am in Kentucky and every where you go there are horse statues…They even have a koala riding a fucking horse outside the front of my companies office building. I guess because my company is Australian they thought it would be fun to stick a Koala on the back of the horse!!

What the fuck is a cock horse anyway and WHY is it in a kids nursery rhyme, what came first a mans penis being called a cock or the cock horse in the nursery rhyme and why the fuck does my mind think all this kind of crap all the time. Honestly sometimes I think up so much useless stuff it is a wonder I have room left for intelligence!!

Anyway I digress, this blog is about me in fucking Kentucky or me fucking in Kentucky because I know you are all just dying to know how it turned out….I assume that you are all fairly intelligent because you actually read my blog, so I am sure you worked out by the blog title how it turned out…Yup! I rode a cock horse 😛

Ky turned out to be just like his pictures and his phone personality. We already seemed to have some chemistry going and we had several conversations about sex and intimacy so actually moving forward and having sex was not surprising….what was surprising was the confusion this created for me….Now don’t get me wrong, the sex was great!! Ky is a really nice guy and an expert lover. We had a lot of fun together in fact we went on a trip….an orgasmic trip….I mean Ky has been telling me all along that I am a trip…so you know…well you get the picture!!! Oh and you will all be happy to know that all of my lady bits work since the surgery so no worries there!!!

But here is where the confusion is…I really was not sure what was happening with Sir…..I am still not ready to go into all the details  because I am so confused as to how that is going to play out….what I do know is that there is definitely a very strong emotional connection to Sir and what I do not understand about myself is how can I have such a strong emotional attachment to someone and still go and sleep with another man? What exactly does that say about me?….I know for quite some time now it feels like my sexual needs and desires are way out of control. I no longer feel like a prepubescent teenage boy however I do still think about sex…..often…I mean REALLY often.

I googled nymphomaniac…Firstly because you all know that google is what I do but also because I was curious if there really was such thing and if so, does that apply to me. After reading what google had to say I am not convinced that I am a nympho but I am willing to keep an open mind….But seriously….HOW the fuck does someone go from spending almost their entire life HATING sex to LOVING sex!!! Loving it so much they cannot seem to get enough….It just still seems a little weird and sometimes I find it hard to get my head around it….After my second marriage and before I went on this journey one of the things that I thought about was that FINALLY, I would never HAVE to have sex or give someone oral sex again. I always felt like men had such high sexual desires and often thought it would be nice to be with someone who did not care about sex, now I find that my sexual drive is much stronger than most men of my age and in fact I have yet to meet a man my age and some even younger who has the physical stamina or ability to keep up with me…

So at what point does my strong sexual desires become an obsession or compulsion? At what point do I have to question if there is some underlying reason for my extremely high sex drive? Right now I do not know the answers to those questions….What I do know is that today at work was extremely stressful and I strongly suspect the next 5 weeks are going to be the same…..Ky and I had a lot of fun together and I think that he is going to be a welcome stress relief not just for the sex but also the adventures we are planning such as zip-lining in caverns….While I am certain having sex with Ky will continue to create confusion for me regarding Sir I think unless anything drastic happens to change the situation I will probably continue to see Ky while I am here in Kentucky.

Now I am ever a writer, so of course I read through what I am writing and I make edits and corrections and as I read the above paragraph I am thinking seriously….what the fuck, it sounds like I am trying to justify my reasons for continuing to have sex with Ky…ya know stress at work…blah blah blah!!! Maybe I am, who the fuck knows…I seriously fucking don’t….I just know I liked the sex and I want more of it!!……

As for Sir and I…..Well, all I can do is hope he understands and if he does not then we will just have to cross the bridge…..Sir has read all of my blogs and we have discussed in detail my sexual urges….At some point Sir and I are going to need to really discuss where we are going, what our expectations are of each other and at what point if any do we need to say okay I have reached critical point and we need to stop….

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