When I was a kid I was fascinated with Enid Blyton books. One particular series “The magic faraway tree” was my escape from reality and my troubled childhood.
I so badly wanted to live there with Moonface, Silky and the Saucepan man and I would not have minded at all getting soaked by Mrswashalots laundry water……
Well I have finally found my Magic faraway tree…..I am not shitting you!! It is the truth!! I have a magical shower, let me tell you why….
My shower has 4 settings….Hot, fucking hot, cold and then there is a magical elusive absofuckinglutely so perfect you could die happy setting. The problem is this magical setting is hard to find and I am not often successful so I have to dodge around and settle for a HOT shower that is just seconds away from skin burning, at least I get to burn up a bunch of calories from ducking in and out of the water so fast in an attempt to get myself clean without inflicting 3rd degree burns.. Occasionally I am lucky enough to find the perfect setting but it is not easy, it is like a safe cracking adventure, a fraction to the right, a fraction to the left too far back to the right again, if I have time, which is not often in the mornings, I can play around for 5- 10 minutes trying to crack that fucking safe but most days I settle for the calorie burning dodge the 3rd degree burn shower…..This morning I hit the fucking jackpot, I have NO idea how I did it but when I turned the shower on instantly it was on the absofuckinglutely perfect you could die happy setting. I spent a magical 10 minutes in the shower just enjoying and luxuriating in its splendor because I know it will be days, weeks or possibly months before I hit that setting again.
My shower is also magical in another way…..It cleans itself!!! I swear to the flying spaghetti monster that I am telling the fucking truth!! My little rustic shower in the cabin in the woods is a completely tiled alcove. When I first moved in there were layers upon layers of dirt and dust that despite my efforts it has been impossible to bring my shower up to the “batshit crazy Jad standards” so I had to fucking deal with it in my head that my shower will always look dirty…..As time goes on my shower has begun to clean itself, all I ever have to do with my shower when cleaning is sweep up the dead ladybugs off my shower floor, the rest of it takes care of itself, I do not have to scrub soap scum, do not have to bleach or scrub the grouting, fuck I do not even wipe it out with a cloth….and guess what??…fuck me dead if my shower does not look cleaner and cleaner with each use…..Self cleaning fucking shower…..I love it!!
Now I know you are saying a magic shower does not equate to a magic faraway tree but wait there is more!!!
Right now my life is pretty stressful, mostly due to work but I have a few other things going on in my life that I am not ready to write about yet. One particular situation actually hurts my heart…..But my magical little cabin in the woods is a place of peace, tranquility and wonder. While my night last night was difficult and restless I still woke up to the wonderful sounds of nature and I have lingered here a little longer this morning because just being here soothes me…..And….. my magical fucking shower just knew how stressed and tense I was so it gave me the absofuckinglutely perfect temperature so I could bask in its wonder and ease my aching, weary body!!!
I now feel like I can face my day, I do have to wonder something though…..I have been told many times that I have a beautiful heart and I hope that is true…but one has to think, how many times can a heart be scarred before it turns ugly?
I promise I will write about what is hurting my heart but not yet, I need more time!!
In the meantime I am going use the peace and tranquility of my magical faraway tree to aid in the healing process……Oh and I am planning a bucket list adventure weekend!!! Stay tuned for those plans…..!!!!