Farts are fucking funny…..Or not!!!

I do not care what age you are there are times when a fart at an inappropriate time or inopportune moment is just fucking funny!!!
You would think we should grow out of being giggly kids laughing and making jokes about farts but alas we do not…..Heck, I even refer to my closest and dearest friends as being “friends you can fart in front of”
How many other people do you know who rank a friendship on if you feel comfortable enough to fart in front of them??? I know!!! I am just fucking weird that way!!

I have many fart stories that I have collected over the years that I could regale you with but I am pretty sure we all have fart stories and have heard them all before however as this blog is current and up to date and Y’all have not told me yet if ya wanna hear about my bucket list adventures I am running out of shit to write so I am going to regale you with my latest fart story!!!

Travelling from Texas to Kentucky I was a little perturbed to find my flight was on a puddle jumper, I mean seriously, the plane was so fucking small the rows were one seat on one side of the plane and 2 on the other with no room for roller bags. I have been on them many times before but that was for a short 20 minute flight, this was a two hour flight crammed into a sardine can!!

I decided the only decent thing to do was take a nap!! So I am in that zone where you are not quite asleep but not quite awake either when my nose is assaulted by a fart smell, I mean a serious fart smell!! I was on the single row of seats so it had to be someone in front, behind or opposite me. I kind of felt bad for the mystery farter because I have been that person before…If you have to fart in a public place it is hard to decide which is better, a loud noisy fart with no noxious gas or an SBD that can kill ten men with one sniff…..I usually would prefer the SBD because nobody needs to know it is you unless there are only 2 people in the room.

So anyway back to my mystery farter, the smell lingered for a little while and I used my hair across my nose as a filter for the smell, once the smell had dissipated I  drifted back into the nap zone only to be rudely awoken by another stinky fart, this one slightly worse than the first. I briefly looked around to see if I could identify the mystery farter and used my hair again as a filter but the smell was still lingering….Then a horrible thought hit me, maybe it was not a fart smell but bad breath…..my bad breath…Ugh!! I used my breath spray then put 2 Listerine sheets in my mouth and waited to see if the farty smell would return!! Again I drifted into the in-between zone….

Then it happened!!! I shifted slightly in the seat and as I did a small pffttt escaped from between my arse cheeks, my nose was instantly assaulted with the same fart smell……OMFG it was me!!! I was the mystery farter!!
Since I discovered the fart was mine I no longer felt the need to disguise the fart with the smell of my hair….fucking funny how we don’t mind the smell of our own farts isn’t it!! Anyway I was not going to filter the fart but then I thought if I did not, then those around me would be sure to know that I was the random farter so again I filtered.

I did have an upset tummy that morning which probably accounted for my funky farts however I did manage to maintain control of my flatulent arse for the remainder of the flight.

Later that afternoon………… Remember how I said it’s hard to know which type of fart you want to do if you cannot avoid it in public, well what you NEVER want to do is a SBD when there is only two people in the room, particularly if one of those people happens to be someone you just had sex with but here I am sitting on the sofa with RY formerly known as KY when I could feel a fart trying to escape. I was squeezing my arse cheeks together so hard but RY and I were talking and he said something that made me laugh and all hope was lost, the fart slipped out!! I prayed to the flying spaghetti monster that it was not stinky but alas my prayers went unheard and a noxious smell wafted  up between us….All I could do was laugh!!!

Fortunately RY finds farts and fart situations as hysterically funny as me and we spent the next 30 minutes or so joking about it, at one point I excused myself and said I was going to the bathroom to fart, he sent me a text message asking me what I was doing in there and if I needed help…….

So one thing I learnt from this situation, while I no longer pee my pants when I laugh I still have no control over my farts when laughing or coughing……I wonder if there is a surgery that can fix that???!!!!

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