I have been thinking about writing this blog for a LONG time now but then I have to wonder just when does it become TMI!!
I know, I know, I have no fucking filter and I passed the point of TMI when I started talking about poop or swallowing my own vomit but the things I want to talk about are a little different and I have to wonder if y’all really want to know this crap about me!!
What finally made me decide to write this next blog was a couple of recent comments I have had from readers regarding how much they appreciate or admire my courage and ability to talk about shit that many people think of, but just don’t say……But lets fucking face it, there is a reason we don’t talk about some of this shit!!….It is socially unacceptable!!!! Fuck it!! Being socially accepted or politically correct is so boring at times and honestly, it might have made my journey a little fucking easier if I knew some of this shit before I started!!
Anyway I better add a disclaimer, this blog absolutely will contain more things about me than you ever fucking wanted to know but it will be honest and possibly detailed!! Read at your own risk! Oh…and if you want to try out any of this stuff please do not use me as a reference, everything I learned came from inexperience and Google!!
So let’s see, where to start? Hmmm I think I am going to start with squirting!! Now I know in my last blog, ya know the boring one where I talked about vegetables I mentioned that my goal is to squirt people with corn juice while eating corn on the cob….Well I am not talking about that type of squirting. Believe it or not there is a type of squirting associated with sex…seriously!! I am not fucking kidding you!!
My first experience with squirting probably was probably NOT the most pleasurable experience I have had, in fact it was down right fucking embarrassing!! So picture this, I am totally naked leaning forward with my hands resting on my kitchen counter…..No no, don’t fucking picture it for real! Yeash!! So I am leaning forward on my kitchen counter and “E” is doing delicious things with his fingers….Yes…E, this situation was THAT long ago, back in September!! See I told you, I have thought about this for a LONG time….Anyway, E is doing delicious things to me and I feel a really strong orgasm building when all of a sudden I pissed on the kitchen floor!! I mean really there was a puddle of pee on the kitchen floor. This was before my bladder surgery and this type of situation was always a morbid fear of mine and I was totally fucking humiliated that it actually happened but “E” kept assuring me that it was not pee and that I had NOT in fact pissed on my kitchen floor!! I thought he was just trying to placate me but we were still in the throes of sex so we moved to the bedroom and he had me in a similar position on the bed doing the same delicious thing with is fingers (please don’t picture it) and fuck me if the same thing did not happen except this time there was a huge wet patch down the side of the sheets on the bed. Again I started freaking out and “E” assured me once again that it was not pee. He even got me to smell it on the sheets and I had to admit it did not smell like pee. “E” told me that I was a squirter and he had just proved that I was…..Seriously!! What the fuck does that even mean?? Someone had mentioned this to me once before and gave me a website to look at but when I bought up the website it did not look like anything I wanted to explore so I closed it again and left the site none the wiser for what squirting was. However……The moment that “E” left my apartment…and I mean the fucking second he did I was sitting at my computer googling about squirting, I was still convinced that I had pissed my self…..Let me tell you ladies, Google is a fucking smorgasbord of squirting videos, stories, and pictures…fuck!!! There are even tutorials that will teach someone how to make a girl squirt….fuck me dead!! Who knew???
I still was not totally convinced it was not piss but the next day when I went to change the bed sheets the wet patch had dried and it definitely did not resemble the color of dried urine………Over time I had several more experiences similar to this and have found that many guys actually associate making a girl squirt very highly in regards to their ego and they find that wet soggy mess hot!! Personally speaking I have had amazing orgasms and sex without squirting and honestly, it is just fucking messy so while it is something I have experienced I do not feel like I am missing out if it does not happen during sex or if it never happens again……There is just one curiosity….. I have not experienced squirting since I had my surgery so I decided to do more research on “You guessed it!! Google!!” and have discovered that some scientific tests were done and they claim that squirting is actually diluted urine…So if true, since I now have total control of my bladder it looks like my squirting days are over but hey…..At least when I pissed myself during sex before I had the surgery it actually turned men on and not in a kinky (please piss on me way)! Hmmmmm…..now this has me thinking!!! Maybe squirting was something a female concocted to make men think they were absofuckinglutely amazing in the sack when truly the woman had just lost control of her bladder…..Now that would be as funny as fuck!!!
Okay enough about squirting, lets move on to Anal sex (oh no taboo!! don’t talk about that) What I want to know is why the fuck NOT??? Seriously? Why does nobody want to talk about Anal sex let alone admit they that they have tried it?
Now Y’all know that I do not believe in god but if there was a god this is what I think….When the human body was being created and the act of procreating was decided by a man sticking his penis in a woman’s vagina and voila!!! Wham bam your preggers! God realized it was going to take many years before contraceptives were invented so he realized he needed an alternative…….So he made the ass tight so it feels good for the man and he put some fucking erogenous zones in there so it feels good for the woman…..See!!!! If were were not supposed to have anal sex why the fuck does it feel SO fucking good??? God also realized the added benefit was that sex would feel great for gay men both ways so it was a win win situation!!
Now I am probably going to get comments from some people that I am going to burn in hell for suggesting that God condones anal sex or gay men but guess what??? DILLIGAF!!! Why would I believe in something that does not accept EVERY single human being regardless of their sexual orientation… Okay I am off my high horse lets move on!!!
Let’s talk about boogers…..Oh my god yes I am taking this blog down THAT path!! Why the fuck not, I have talked about poop, vomit, pissing….why not boogers!!
It confuses me how people are so fucking offended if you pick your nose, I mean really!! Sometimes I have a hard booger stuck up there which is irritating as fuck and I would love nothing more than to pick that sucker out of there and provide myself some comfort but social convention does not allow this….If you are lucky enough and have a tissue you can try to discreetly pick it out with a tissue OR you just have to suck it up and wait until you can get to a restroom and pick away……But lets say I have some wax in my ear causing me some discomfort or to not hear very well, I can pick away and nobody gives a shit if ram my fingers in my ear hole!! Or an eye booger, I can pick them suckers out of my eyes all day long and nobody cares……The 2 things I cannot do in public is pick a booger out of my nose or scratch my arsehole!!! Who the fuck decided these two things were socially unacceptable?!!
Okay, that’s it, I am all out of taboo topics for now!! But if anyone has a taboo subject that would like me to talk about let me know, you have probably guessed by now that there is probably nothing that I would not openly talk about so all ya have to do is leave me a comment here or be completely anonymous and send me an email from a fake email account…..email@example.com
One final thing, if you found my taboo talk offensive there is a VERY easy way for you to resolve that situation…..don’t read my blog 🙂 see all fixed!!!