Yep!! I am not shitting you!! I am currently playing house with “Mon Capitaine”
Bet you never thought you would see that happen did ya!! Well to tell you the truth neither did I however circumstances led to “My Captain” asking me how I would feel about him staying with me for 4 days….Let me see, it took me about…..ummmm 3 seconds to think about it before the portion of my brain controlled by my nymphomaniac sex hormones kicked in and thought FUCK YES!!! Sex on demand!!! Where do I sign up???
So here I am playing house with Mon Capitaine and for the most part it has been an extremely pleasurable experience……and I mean PLEASURABLE!!!
But I do have to say for the MOST part because, as so often in my life there are a couple of poop stories to discuss…..Not the sure why the fuck my life is so filled with crap stories but here ya have it!!!
Poop story number (1)
We all know what coffee does to a lot of people, first cup in the morning is an indicator for your bowels to “get to work”…Mon Capitaine, finished with his coffee heads to the bathroom but comes back out a short time later saying his body fooled him.
He then happens to mention to me about going for my shower and I tell him I need to wait for him to leave first so that I can do my morning routine in the right order….Ya know Shit, shower and shave…..I guess he took that as a cue that he needed to leave…..Turns out that he probably should have hung around just a little longer because on his way to work his bowels decided no more fooling and he had to go IMMEDIATELY!! He ducked into McDonald’s only to discover the cubicle was in use……To cut a long story short “My Captain” had to resort to threatening its occupant with severe bodily harm if they did not cut their phone conversation short and get the hell out of the crapper!!!
While not fair of me to find it funny Mon Capitaine did brighten my day with his text about his poop problem!!
Poop story number (2)
My own attempt at my morning ablutions was rather feeble and resulted in possibly the smallest poop known to mankind, despite it’s minuscule size the fucking thing still would not flush and I ended up having to leave that fucker in the toilet and head to work. “My Captain was due to arrive home before me so I texted and asked him to drain the septic and flush the toilet without looking……A little later in the day the Indian food I consumed for lunch began taking revenge and I realized I had a serious predicament… I cannot poop at work, The Captain was at my house so no pooping at home…What the fuck is a girl with a poop phobia supposed to do??? Turns out the decision was taken out of my control! While driving home from work I realized I needed to poop IMMEDIATELY and ducked into….You guessed it McDonald’s!!! Seventeen minutes later, with my bowels completely purged I finally felt safe to leave my porcelain throne and head on home, not before texting Mon Capitaine to regale him with my own poopie tale!!
Poop story number (3)
So ya know I live in a cabin in the woods, seems my recently installed, brand new septic tank is actually vacationer sized and cannot handle more than one shower and one toilet flush before it quits working….SO…..The fucking thing does NOT work for 1 person showering and pooping let alone 2!!! This morning, after his morning coffee Mon Capitaine once again headed to the bathroom, while successful in his bowel clearing endeavors the flushing of the evidence away was not so successful. He plugged in the pump to drain the septic tank but by then my coffee had begun to take affect and I knew it was only a matter of time before my bowels realized “The Captain” was leaving for work and I was going to be alone in the house and free to crap….I knew I would not have time to wait for the tank to drain so I could flush his poop before I would need to go…..Mon Capitaine left for work with a cheeky grin and full of mirth knowing that this morning…..Our poop was going to be commingled!!!
If all this shit is not enough for me to get over my Poop phobia honestly I don’t know what the fuck is!!!
Enough talk about shit, I am going to end on a positive note in regards to playing house with “Mon Capitaine” Sure, the ready sex is a fucking huge bonus but at the end of the day and surprisingly to me the best part has been in sharing the preparation and cooking of food, easy and relaxed conversations over dinner, snuggling up while sitting on the sofa watching TV and the piece de resistance…….The Capitaine was given a choice of me cooking him breakfast or 10 minutes of snuggle time and he chose snuggle time!! Who the fuck doesn’t like to snuggle!!!