I’m all out of sorts!!

Do you ever get that way? Do other people get into a funk and don’t know why or what the cause is, or is it just batshit crazy fubar’s like me?
This is a serious question I have? I often wonder if the shit that goes on in my head is normal or if everyone thinks and feels this way but they just don’t talk about it!!
I like to think it is the latter and that I am not totally off my rocker!!

So why am I all out of sorts I hear you ask? Good fucking question, I wish I knew the answer!! You all know how I like to analyze absofuckinglutely everything but I have analyzed the shit out of this funk and I am still no closer to understanding the whys of it!! And let me tell you it is some fucking funk I am in…

So let’s talk about what is going on in my life right now and see if Y’all can help me analyze it considering Y’all are such great listeners!! But wait…what the fuck, Y’all really are great listeners but most of you are silent lurkers who hardly ever, if at all comment…Do me a favor…Take that first step, be brave, suck it up and comment on this post please!!… Help me understand my FUNK, or at the VERY least tell me if you have FUNKS too so I at least know I am not one step away from the loony bin!!

I guess the first thing I should do is define what the fuck I mean by FUNK… Let’s see, I feel blah!! I feel like I have little or no energy, I do not feel like I am smiling like I usually do, I am not depressed, I do not feel sad although I have cried more this last week than I have in months. I just feel testy!! I guess a great description that woman would understand is that I feel “Premenstrual”… Been a long fucking time since I have felt Premenstrual but its like riding a bike, you don’t forget that shit!! Okay now we have described the FUNK lets talk about possible causes.

  1. My job has gone from critically busy, no time for anything to boring as shit. Additionally to this I had to say goodbye to almost all of my staff some of whom have been with me since the conception of the Image center over 4 years ago.
  2. I have booked my flight home and I am excited about finally going home but I recognize I am nervous, scared and worried about a LOT of things. I will be going from a career minded financially independent woman who gave up a great promotion to a homeless jobless person… Fuck, that’s enough to put anyone in a FUNK!!
  3. I feel like my bucket list items are at a standstill, I want to get motivated and book some trips and events but I feel like I have not been able to commit to any of my big ticket items or make a booking so I have been wasting my time on petty shit which irritates me. I don’t know why I am having problems booking those items, I mean fuck, I want to do these things I just cannot seem to get motivated to actually book them.
  4. My magical mystery shower is no more 😦 Truly, it has gone away and I stupidly feel a great sense of loss for that rotten stinking shower… And Rotten is was!! The fucking floor gave away!! I am not shitting you it really did… Picture this, I was minding my own business taking a shower (yes I was naked but don’t picture that part) anyway… Minding my own business taking a shower I felt the earth move and fuck me if a floor tile did not just crumble. I told Mon Capitaine about it (we were playing house at the time) and he said he felt the floor move too. The very next day Mon Capitaine was taking his shower (he was naked too and a very nice image so go ahead, picture away) anyway I heard him say “oh crap” I go take a look and fuck me dead if the floor had not collapsed, you could see daylight though it!! Honestly!! If we were not being careful and had not expected it to happen “The Captain” would have ended up with his might fine ass firmly planted 3 feet down on the ground!! So the end result is the entire shower had to be pulled down and surprise, surprise, the fucking shower was standing on cinder blocks, honestly, I am not shitting you!! So now I am currently in the process of a new shower being attached to the side of my “cabin in the woods” This 3 day job has turned into it’s 6th day and that is about how long my bowels have clammed up fucking tight since I no longer have access to my toilet!!
  5. I have spent the last 5 nights staying at Mon Capitaine’s hotel while my shower is being built and let me tell you his hotel bed is not a “Hampton Inn” bed… In fact I am convinced the fucking thing is evil. The hotel very generously supplies you with a sheet and a slippery bedspread that slides right off the bed onto the floor, not a fucking blanket in sight… I know, I know, its Texas in middle of summer who the fuck needs blankets but let me tell you, when the air conditioner is set to 68 degrees you need a fucking blanket. I woke up during that first night with my nipples so hard I almost stabbed myself and to my chagrin it was not caused by sexual excitement!!! Not that there wasn’t plenty of sexual excitement, in fact the first morning we woke up to very delicious morning sex only to have it interrupted by the neighbor banging on the extremely paper thin walls… Oopsey!!! Anyway, I digress, the bed is fucking evil and my back has suffered the consequences of the evil bed!! Enough said!
  6. I made a decision to pack the entire last 12 years of my life into 8 suitcases, I feel some sense of loss with that because I know I am going to have to leave behind some stuff I wanted to take home but I just cannot justify the insane cost to ship old crap across the country and then pay ridiculous custom fees in Australia. So in the next few months I am going to be purging a whole load of crap… But it is my crap and I am kind of pissed that once again for the 5 time in my life I have to start from scratch yet again!!
  7. I guess the last thing is the waiting to find out where “The Captain” is going to be working next. We thought it was 9 hours away but that has changed and we do not know where he will be at this time. I think the not knowing is the shittiest part. The other thing is the fact that when I thought he was moving 9 hours away it made me face some truths about our relationship that I had been avoiding and I would be wrong to not recognize some of that contributes to my funk. I struggle with the boundaries of our Semi Quasi relationship… Boundaries which I set… and for a very good reason!!! I know in my soul that I NEED to go home. It is not a want, or a desire, it is a deep aching NEED to be home with my family. I do not regret the Semi Quasi relationship that I am having with “The Captain”, I am grateful that he came into my life. I just need to squeeze a lifetime of  “Mon Capitaine” into the next five months!!

So what the fuck has me feeling “all out of sorts” well take your pick from any of the above!! But listen to this, below is a list of the top 5 most stressful life events according to experts

Death of a loved one – lost my Bella, Dad, Sister and Terry in last 4 years
Divorce – Divorced Terry just before he died
Moving – Moved 3 times in last 12 months and getting ready to move 10,000 miles
Major Illness – Does a sore fucking back count!!! HAHAHAHA
Job Loss – October 27th is my last day

No wonder I am a fucking FUBAR!!!

 

2 thoughts on “I’m all out of sorts!!

  1. I think your time spent identifying those things, and going through the motions of putting them in print has already answered your self imposed question! It’s all of those things together, consuming your thoughts, that are creating your funk! Go through them one by one. The things you have the power or control to change, make the necessary changes! The things you have no control over, let go of the worry. Go back to your core beliefs of “Carpet Momentum” and “DILLIGAF”, and lean on those two things! Don’t let the things you cannot change destroy your calm! Let them go!

    Liked by 1 person

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