Monkey sex and rubber tubes!!

The suck arse bitch universe decided that since “The Captain” was going to be moving to the middle of bumfuck and nowhere we would at least have opportunity for one last weekend filled with monkey sex, folly and fun!!.. Oh, and as an added bonus  Mon Capitaine also gets to stay with me an extra five days… Yup, you guessed it, “The Captain” and I are playing house again! Why the fuck not? Seriously, he is moving 13 fucking hours away, I want to soak up as much of “The Captain” as I can before he leaves. There is also this thing with the coupon (from Mon Capitaine) for unlimited orgasms,while it does not have an expiration date it also does not include provisions for travel etc so I need to redeem this as many times as possible before next Friday!

I know that my blog has been as boring as shit lately and the sex stories have become almost non existent so I figured it was about time you got some juicy details… Not too juicy though, fuck!! Most of you know me personally and I do not need any awkward moments with you over dinner of you picturing me bent over the bed getting a good ass spanking!!

So lets get back to the Monkey sex!! I am really not the fuck sure what monkey sex is except that I told “The Captain” that we needed to abstain for a couple of days just prior to our weekend away so that we had the energy and the built up sexual tension to spend all weekend having “monkey sex”… I think that kind of lasted maybe half a day before we were all over each other and I was redeeming a few of those coupon orgasms!!

Friday comes and we head for our weekend getaway to fulfill one of my bucket list adventures of tubing down the river. We did not hit the road till late however even a late dinner, a long drive and a late hotel check in did not quench our animalistic desire for each other and it was not long before we were testing the sturdiness of the hotel bed.

The next morning we needed to test the bed again… You know, just to be sure it could hold up to the planned evenings activities.

After testing the bed we headed off for our river adventure. We had an amazing time just floating on down the river, drinking beer, listening to music and  generally enjoying each others company.
I will point out that I did almost drown. “The Captain” most emphatically states that I did not, at anytime almost drown. So my readers I am going to tell you what the fuck happened and you can decided if I almost drowned or not.
At one point we seemed to have gotten stuck in some little eddy, for 20 minutes or more we just floated around in a circle so I decided to get down out of my tube and walk us out of the eddy… The only problem was when I got out of my tube and went to stand up, there was NO ground beneath my feet and I went all the way under the water… In the RIVER!! No ground!! My head went ALL the way under AND I had my mouth open.!! RIVER water went in my mouth along with who the fuck knows what else. What I do know is that drunk peoples pee went in my mouth because hundreds of people floating down the river drinking beer and NO bathrooms means hundreds of people were sinking their arses down into the water and pissing… and I got some in my mouth!! So pretty fucking sure I almost drowned in a river of piss, beer and who knows what the fuck else!!

Anyway, I digress, this blog is about monkey sex and I can assure you that our monkey sex did not involve any pissing of any kind!! I know I have a kink to me but I am not into golden showers and nor will I ever will be!!

Back in the shuttle on the way to the hotel “The Captain” and I began making plans for the evening, we had just spent 3 – 4 hours in the sun drinking beer, were a little buzzed, probably a little dehydrated and fucking starving so we ate some potato chips and snack mix while we shared an interesting conversation on how “The Captain” picked me up yesterday at the local Walmart, this was a little different to the standard scenario, usually the story goes that he found me a the Valero down the road. We played that story on for a bit and honestly I am not sure what our driver thought by the end although he did tell us a few times we were awesome. He was a cool dude and the least we could do was add a little amusement to his sometimes interesting, sometimes boring job of driving drunk people back from the river.

When we got back to the hotel “The Captain” took our bags and all our crap from the river up to our room while I went to get our valuables out of the hotel safe. He came back down to meet me, arms free of our burdens we walked hand in hand to the elevator but the moment the doors closed “The Captain” had me pinned facing the elevator wall, my hair in his hands being slightly pulled while he roughly kissed the back of my neck.

Elevator opened and the long walk all the way down the corridor to our room was filled with electricity and excitement, I knew I was going to get it a little rough which is one of the many ways I like to be fucked.

I will say that through the sexual excitement I did happen to mention that I needed to fart, but being the lady that I am I held back!!

Once in our hotel we got ready to shower, after all we had spent the last 3 – 4 hours floating down a river of pee!!
Our beer buzz, coupled with the sex talk, and our desire for each other did not even allow us to make it out of the shower and it was not long before “The Captain” was on his knees in the shower bringing me to my first orgasm. Mon Capitaine did manage to dry me off a little before we ended up on the bed and spent the next hour engaged in incredible “monkey sex” where I made full use of my endless orgasm coupon.

Once finished we were laying on the bed trying to catch our breath when “The Captain” made monkey noises, I cracked up laughing and that was enough… Y’all know that I can NOW hold my pee when I laugh  but what I CAN’T hold is my farts and that naughty little fart that was trying to escape earlier when we were heading back to the room decided to take revenge on being kept held captive in arse for so long and the little fucker ripped out of me like bleeding freight train on steroids… By this time we both completely lost it and the peaceful after sex aura was taken over by hysterical laughter… What the hell, we just fucked like Monkeys, why not spend the aftermath laughing like Hyenas!!

So there you have it, hope this has somewhat satisfied your need for me to get back on track a little with the “sex blog”… Oh and just in case it hasn’t, stay tuned! My next blog is about the most incredible sexual experience I have ever had in my life, just last night!! It was so fucking incredible by the time we finished I was boneless!! Do you want to know what the fuck “boneless” means?. Well you are just going to have to wait till my next post :)…Wont be too long, I promise, stay tuned!

10 thoughts on “Monkey sex and rubber tubes!!

  1. .000017489 parts per million of pee…thats It! You got more algae and fish excrement in your mouth than human pee!

    Ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah ah!

    Bahahaha ROFLMAO LSHIDMT

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am pretty sure your numbers are a little off, I think there are too many zeros. In fact I am almost certain I tasted pee and sure the river had a little yellow tinge to it!!
      Also you need to learn how to hold on to your Taco 😛

      Like

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