Sometimes I miss the old days where there was not so much instant gratification, I mean really I think it was probably easier to maneuver through life when your wants were not just instantly met.!!
Feeling nostalgic and want to watch reruns of a beloved TV show from your childhood? No need to wait until it comes on TV again you can Netflix!! Got a song stuck in your head but cannot remember the name of it? The fucking thing is on the tip of your tongue and irritating the shit out of you, no need to be irritated anymore JFGI (just fucking google it) So many other ways that advancement and technology has made instant gratification much easier to obtain.! Credit cards, food, online shopping just to name a few… The one that is a problem for me and has been a problem since online dating is “Texting.!!”
Prior to online dating and replacing my business phone with a personal phone I barely sent or received text message and would not have been stressed if I left my phone behind for a short time while I popped in the shops, got a manicure, went to the movies!!! Now heaven fucking forbid if I go to the flipping bathroom without it!!
I also have a MAJOR problem with texting etiquette, I am trying to get a handle on it really I am, but sometimes it just fucks me off!! Mostly the reason I get so pissed is because there does not seem to be any type of etiquette…! Actually, that is not entirely true, it would seem that there are a different set of etiquette rules for men than there is for woman, and there is no rule book to refer to!!
Last month, out of the blue I get a text from MPrime, I still keep in touch with some of my earlier “dates” (for want of a better word) and I like to consider that some of them became friends. MPrime got back from a recent trip and I was excited to hear all about it and suggested lunch, he responded of his availability the following week so I said I would get back to him in a couple of days with a proposed date/time…I did get back to him a few days later, giving him a couple of options. No response, nothing, nada, not a word!! What gives!??!
I also have another “date” friend, one whom I never had sex with amazingly enough and it seems with him I am always the first one to text, we can go for weeks and weeks without texting. Eventually I will send him a text to just say hi and after some text conversation we always end up arranging to meet for lunch or dinner and when we do meet we have a great time but I am at the point now with this friendship where I question if the desire to maintain the friendship is reciprocal. This is where my FUBAR brain and my issues with rejection come into play and my inner bitch has a field day!!!
“Stop pestering him he doesn’t care less if you are friends or not”
“Then why do we have so much fun when we go out”
“He likes to have a good time, he has fun with anyone”
“If he wanted to still be friends he would text you first”
“He is a man, they don’t text first unless they want something…like sex!!”
See how my head conversations go, they are usually pretty fucked up that way!!
Another major issue I have with texting is that I always kind of thought of them as having a phone or an in person conversation. So I will be texting back and forth with someone like a conversation and I will make a statement or ask a question and then nothing!! I mean seriously it is like mid fucking sentence and the person just walked out of the room or hung up the phone, who the fuck does that?!?!.. It seems that MOST people do and it seems that it is perfectly acceptable to be mid conversation and then just stop responding…!! What the fuck happened to manners when it comes to texting.? I mean seriously, I really want to know?! It only takes a second to let someone know that you can no longer respond in a timely manner.
I remember the days of MSN chat rooms if you were having a conversation with someone and you had to leave for ANY length of time you typed BRB (be right back) or AKF (away from keyboard) How hard is it to do that with a text?
Surprisingly this lack of manners is not unique to just men. I received a text message the other day from a female asking me for some information, I responded almost immediately with the information they asked for and then nothing, nada, not even a thank you!!
What I want to know is who made up the texting rules and why the fuck did they forget to include simple manners in rule book!!
Do you remember the “the date with no name”? I ended up going on a pretty awful “friend”date with him where I had to get Louise to rescue me. Since then he has invited me out a couple of times and I have basically told him that I am in a temporary “exclusive” relationship and cannot go out with him. I have always been nothing but polite with him however he has not gotten the polite message and he still texts me from time to time and while it would be SO much easier for me if I just ignored his text messages my upbringing and my manners will not allow me to so I always politely respond.
Throughout my online dating experiences texting has probably been the one thing I have not been able to get a good handle on. Many times texting, or the lack of texts has caused feelings of pain and rejection. I cannot count the number of situations where texting between potential dates was frequent and intense but the moment after the “sex date” texts became less frequent or even non existent. This kind of shit does screwy things to your self esteem and it is not just me and my FUBAR brain that feels this way… There are others!!
I follow and subscribe to many blogs for a wide range of different topics and the one thing that seems very consistent in the blogs related to online dating is the same “texting phenomena” and how texts are fast and furious pre-sex dates and non existent after!!
At the end of the day I think the thing I dislike the most about texting is how it makes me feel internally. It is a pretty shitty state of affairs when a text message or lack of text message can change the entire course of my day or evening. I know that these are MY issues and something that only “I” can fix and many are related to my issues with rejection but I wonder how much worse it would have been for me as a child being tortured and bullied if we had the technology of today.
There have been many studies done around texts, twitter and social media and how they increase your dopamine levels … Texts, Facebook likes, Re-tweets, etc…Its all about validation and to not get that validation is like a form of rejection for most people, even those with a great sense of self… So imagine what it would be like for someone who does not have a good sense of self, or struggles with feelings of rejection or a child being bullied in today’s society. Imagine what a devastating effect these feelings of rejection or lack of validation can have on them!!
I just think my life would be a lot simpler right now if social media, in particularly texting did not play such an important role… But then again, I live in a cabin in the middle of bumfuck and nowhere, without social medial my life would be as boring us FUCK!!