I know fuck!! With the absence of “Mon Capitaine” BoB had to come out of retirement and let me tell you what a poor fucking substitute he was.
I find it absolutely incredible that BoB kept me quite happy and satisfied for ten or more years and now that I have experienced sensual, exhilarating, joyful sex BoB is just a dismal failure…!!
I have a story about BoB, I named my purple vibrator BoB after 2 horrible dates, remember R & R here!! So, forever I thought I made up the name BoB for my vibrator. I thought it was pretty cool because I heard other woman refer to their vibrators as BoB and I was like “oh, its as cool as shit that the name BoB is catching on” Seriously, I honestly thought it was something I fucking made up and everyone else was following suit. It was not until having a conversation with Mon Capitaine that he set me straight, woman have been using the term BoB for years (battery operated boyfriend) doh!!! After some laughter at my naivety we then came up with the name HOG, hand operated girlfriend. Not really sure if we made it up or if it already existed but anyway the fact of the matter is that Mon Capitaine and I have gone from very frequent mutually satisfying sex to the use of BoB and HOG and it truly honestly sucks fucking arse!!
What of BoB, well I put him back in his little black bag and zipped it shut…probably for a very long time!! It was such an empty unsatisfying experience that I just don’t want to deal with him anymore… BoB is a Boring old Bastard!!
So here is what I am left with… I feel like such a shit for feeling this way and I hate that I do but honestly I feel totally fucking ripped off!! It was not supposed to happen like this..! I knew “The Captain” and I were getting more and more entwined but surprisingly enough I was okay with it. We were supposed to have a load of adventures and a shit ton of sex and then in December we were supposed to hug and kiss goodbye and be forever more friends. I was going home to my family and I would have the distraction of my family and the joy and happiness of finally going home to help me get over missing Mon Capitaine and I actually felt a little bad that “The Captain” would not have that distraction… But in reality it has ended up the other way around… Mon Capitaine left and he has the distraction of his new and exciting job and I am left here alone doing a suck arse, boring, slit my throat type job with nothing to help distract me from the emptiness he left behind and I feel like such a shitty person that I feel so pissed and so ripped off that I am the one left lonely and miserable instead of “The Captain”
On top of all this I am really struggling at the moment with all the changes going on in my life. It is stupid really, because in my job I am extremely flexible and actually handle change incredibly well, it is one of the things that makes me so good at my job… But in my personal life I do not deal with change well at all, in fact I suck arse at it!!
When plans get changed or cancelled I have a hard time adjusting. For example my dinner plans got cancelled for last night, no big deal right?? I mean seriously it really was NO big deal but for me it ended up so overwhelming on top of everything else that was going on that the simple act of then having to decide what I was going to eat for dinner became too hard and I ended up eating nothing just because I had no backup plan.
I have so many changes going on right now that I am finding it just so incredibly overwhelming and small changes which I could usually cope with are pushing me over my limit and I feel like I am being crushed.
I know right!! I feel like such a rambling idiot but hey, y’all know I am batshit crazy and this is one element of that batshit craziness that y’all have come to know and love!!
I fully realize that I need to accept that life cannot be scheduled and everything doesn’t always go according to plan… I also know that I am made of stronger stuff than this and my feelings of being so overwhelmed is only a temporary set back so I know that I am going to be OKAY!! I just need a little time and patience to meander my way along this path on my journey that just happens to be filled with brambles and rocks… Somewhere at the end of this dark lonely path there is sunshine!!