Seriously, I am not shitting you… Read at YOUR own risk!! I realize it has been a long time since my blogging has needed a disclaimer but I am warning you now this upcoming post really does cross some lines….You are about to embark on a journey of no return. Red hot pokers in your eyes will not undo what you are getting ready to read!!
Additionally I have also picked up some new followers… (Hi there, thanks for following me) But I gotta tell you… I know that a good percentage of you are “rule breakers!!!” Yeah, yeah, I know, it can be as boring as shit to go back to the beginning of a blog and read from the start! I get it, I really do, and you are forgiven for breaking the rules but here is the thing, since you broke the rules and you did not read my blog from the start you have not had the opportunity of being gently introduced to my NO filter, NO holds barred style of writing so this blog post has the potential to shock the fucking shit out of you!!!
Social conventions will be broken, taboo topics will be discussed and I also have a terrible potty mouth!! FUCK is my favorite word, I am a logophile and there is NO other word in the English language as versatile as FUCK. If you have not worked it out already I use it, a LOT!!
Final disclaimer: If you know me, know someone who knows me or think you might get to know me sometime in the future you might want to quit reading, hit the little X button now… You know, that little X up in the top right corner… Or if you are reading this from your email just delete the email and read no more!!
Are you still here? Are you absolutely certain? I know in previous posts I have came awfully close to crossing the line on things I write about but according to my friends I have never quite crossed the line. I am pretty sure I might be getting ready to cross the line in this post, fuck!! I am even blushing just thinking about what I am getting ready to write…Last chance to stop reading now!!
Damn that was a long fucking disclaimer!! Now that is out of the way lets move on to the rest of the story!!
If you remember from Smorgasbord of Sex only two things we visualized actually took place, the first was Mon Capitaine’s promise of giving me my first orgasm at our hello kiss. The second was that Mon Capitaine informed me that he wanted to cum in my arse. (damn I blush even writing that) I have no clue why because I can usually talk about fucking anything but for some reason anal sex while as enjoyable as fuck makes me a little uncomfortable to talk about. I am pretty sure it is because of my poop phobia!!!
Anyway “The Captain” and I talked about all kinds of things including some kinky fuckery, nipple clamps, spankings as well as some light bondage all of which I find incredibly exciting. As part of this discussion “The Captain” had said he was going to get me plied up with alcohol so he could cum in my arse. We have had anal sex a couple of times before but usually not for very long because while it feels fucking awesome I can only tolerate it for a short time.
Anyway, after spending a generous amount of time sucking and fucking I knew that Mon Capitaine was fairly close to blowing his load and I told him I wanted him in my arse. I had not had anywhere near enough alcohol but seriously I was on such a high from all the orgasmic endorphin’s I probably would have done anything at this point. A little lube and some gentle coercion was all it took until we were both riding a wave of ecstasy and it was not long before “The Captain” let forth on his 5 days worth of cum, I too exploded with and incredibly intense orgasm right along with him.
We had talked many times in the past about having anal sex with Mon Capitaine cumming in my arse and I was glad we had finally done it…Until…..!!!
A short time later I needed to go to the bathroom, now y’all know I have a poop phobia, If you don’t know then you have not read enough of my blog but let me tell you it is really bad at times and can cause me a lot of embarrassment… I am serious, there is not much that embarrasses me but POOP does. I generally cannot poop anywhere but my own toilet and absolutely cannot poop in front of someone, so imagine my horror when a short time after spending the last hour or so engaged in frantic and pleasurable sexual activity with Mon Capitaine I got a serious NEED, but unfortunately I was not sure if my need was to poop or fart. I had no choice but to take myself to the toilet. “The Captain” knows me too well and in his usual gentlemanly style he turned the TV volume up to try and make things easier for me. What then followed on the toilet was just horrific…I “sharted”!! I really fucking did!! I thought that shitty fart was going to last forever it was SO long and SO loud!!!… I have this terrible habit of laughing when I am uncomfortable or embarrassed so picture me sitting on the echoey hotel toilet sharting loudly and laughing uncontrollably…The more I laughed the more I sharted!! It was not a pretty sight!
While “The Captain” and I could laugh about it after and joke that my poop phobia was cured I still felt uncomfortable and the next day while walking around the State fair I had to keep going to the rest room to check for poop leakage
There was still some left over air from what Mon Capitaine pumped into me and I was not sure if the little pockets of gas escaping my arse were farts or sharts. I was wearing cute little denim shorts and I was commando. It got so that I was worrying so much about the possibility of a shit stain up my shorts that it was ruining my fun so I ended up going out to my car to get a pair of underwear, at least then there was another layer of protection. I am happy to report that at NO time did I shart on my shorts or my knickers!! Having said this the FEAR was REAL!!
As for the rest of the weekend? The sex was fucking incredible, morning sex on Saturday before the State fair and then some pretty intensive fucking on Saturday night which left me boneless.
My one regret for the weekend, It was so short and our fucking was so intense for the little time that we had together that there was no opportunity for lovemaking.