My stepdaughter and her hubby came all the way from Chicago to visit me and guess what… They got to experience “real time” a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad hostess!! ME!! I am serious, I fucking sucked at being a hostess to my lovely guests!!
So I thought I had it all planned and then I got hit by the bug invasion so I texted my stepdaughter and gave her forewarning that she maybe sharing her bed with bugs. She took my warning and booked a hotel however as it became clear the bug situation was pretty much resolved I told her to cancel the hotel. Turns out she did not have enough notice and was going to have to pay so we rearranged the plans for the entire weekend so that she would still stay in the hotel on the Friday night and moved the night she would stay with me to Saturday night.
Saturday morning rolls around and I have our days activities planned. They drive the 2 hours from Austin to my little cabin in the woods and once they finally arrive they are instantly charmed. I mean seriously, despite the fact that the toilet only flushes occasionally and there are bugs “fucking” on my front door it is hard for anyone not to be charmed by my cabin!!
A grand tour of the place and we then get ready for a visit to the lake followed by a hike. It is a 45 minute drive to the lake and it was around noon when we were ready to leave so I did offer them a snack or lunch before we left but they said they were not ready to eat. We made it to the lake only to find it was closed until further notice. Seriously, what the fuck!! How do you close a fucking lake?? We decided to go get some ice cream and while slurping them up I used my phone to check the hiking trail and fuck me dead if that was not closed too?? I mean damn, I know that Horrible Harvey did a lot of damage in Houston but a fucking lake and hiking trail FOR REAL!!!
I did try to research another hiking trail but that was an hour drive in the opposite direction to my house so that would have been almost 2 hours to get back to my place to get ready for dinner so we decided to go to another lake in the town where I work. BUT that drive ended up being a LOT longer than I imagined so….My Stepdaughter and her husband flew all the way from Chicago to visit me and their day spent with me ended up being this…
2 hours to drive from their airport hotel to my cabin
45 minutes to drive to a closed lake
1.5 hours to drive to alternate lake
1 hour to drive back to cabin
45 minutes to drive to dinner
45 minutes to drive back to cabin
2 hours to drive back to airport hotel next day
Total – 8 hours and 45 minutes they spent in the fucking car for a one day one night visit.
To make matters even worse I did not feed them LUNCH, we had ice cream but then did not eat again until dinner which was almost 8 pm, my stepdaughter is an itty bitty little thing that eats like a sparrow, but because she eats so little she generally eats small amounts often so by dinner time she was actually nauseous while driving (45) fucking minutes to the restaurant!!
I suck arse at being a hostess!!
Although… I did give up my lovely soft comfy bed for them but let me tell you that fucking Karma bitch paid me back..again!! She surely fucking did!!
The Captain and I had a text conversation that went something like this
Jad: I am frightfully sorry for every time I made you sleep on my sofa-bed. I received my Karma last night”
Mon Capitaine: You don’t have to apologize for the bed… I got you out of the Deal! It was worth it!
Jad: My back is on fire!
Mon Capitaine: Yeah… that hideabed sucks ass
Hide a bed!!! Someone should have hidden that fucker in the bottom of the fucking lake that was CLOSED!!