At the end of this post if you are pissed off that you actually even got to the end and all you achieved was to read the ramblings of a Batshit crazy person then please call 1800Idontgiveafuck… You are forewarned, the title say’s it all and quite honestly I don’t have two fucks left to give!!
Please also be warned there is no sex involved…Unless you consider me feeling that I may have screwed myself in the arse as some form of foreplay!! Then sure, there is sex!!
So if you are still here despite the warning and and if you are even remotely interested in what is going on in my fucked up FUBAR mind today, then by all means please continue to read!
I had a phone interview this afternoon with a dude in Australia who I am paying a shit ton of money to for him to put together my Curriculum Vitae. Let me tell you that was one of the most depressing fucking things I have done in a long time!! FUCK!! Things have changed in the 12 years since I left Australia and now this fucker has left me feeling like I just committed some major fucking career suicide!
I had the opportunity for a great promotion within my Company, granted it would have meant relocating but seriously, I have relocated many times in my life, twice globally so what the fuck is it to relocate between US States.
This was the job that I had been previously identified for through succession planning so when this role moved to the new Corporate office and when my current boss chose not to relocate and instead moved to another department it would have been a very easy step for me… Instead what did I do?!?
I said no thank you very much I am going home to Australia to be homeless and jobless at the age of fucking 51!!
I know, I fucking know!! I am going home to be with my family, my children, my grandchildren, my mother, my sister, my nephew… I fucking get it!! But sweet fucking flying spaghetti monster is it okay that I am absofuckinglutely terrified that I have made the WRONG decision!!? Can I please have a little meltdown here?!
How the fuck does one prepare themselves to go from having a GREAT career, a cute cabin in the woods, money in the bank, a shit ton of shoes and clothes to being homeless and jobless with their life packed into 8 suitcases!!
I think I am a fairly fucking intelligent person, I also think I am a fucking rock star at my job, so why the fuck did I leave that interview this afternoon feeling absolutely fucking stupid? I don’t mind telling y’all that I am scared of what my future in Australia is going to hold for me career wise and only someone who has truly started from the beginning again will fully understand my fear.!!
When I moved to America 12 years ago I left a great company in Australia with a career that was blossoming very quickly to all of a sudden being jobless. I could not work for 8 months due to immigration procedures and when I finally could work my first job was for $9 per hour filing papers in a fucking file cabinet. I am s e r i o u s l y not shitting you!!! I went from handling million dollar clients through their telecommunication needs to filing fucking flower orders in a fucking stupid file cabinet!
It took 3 jobs and almost 2 years to rebuild my career and to get anywhere near close to the level I was when I left Australia. I don’t have 2 fucking years, I am no longer 38 I am fucking 51 and I will be fucked if I am going to file any papers in any stupid file cabinet, I am out of fucks and out of patience and I would likely tell them to shove their rotten papers up their stinking arse!!
At the end of the day I know that I made the right decision. My soul is crying to go home!! I have lost too many people I love while I have lived 10,000 miles away. I have made too many urgent flights home for sick or dying loved ones. I have missed too many funerals for those I loved. I have had to fly 17 hours on a fucking plane knowing I did not make it to my sisters deathbed. I have had to watch my grandchildren grow up from afar and I have had to watch my children go through various struggles from a distance and feel absolutely helpless that I cannot even reach out and hug them… My soul bleeds from being so far away from my family so yes, it really is time to go home…!!
Knowing and believing that it is time to go home does not stop me from being absofuckinglutely terrified!!