Holy Heck!! I am such a lazy arse!! It has been like forever since I have written and I realize I have all left you hanging and wondering just what the fuck Jad is up to now… AND what is even worse I have 305 emails which means I have 305 blog posts to read. Holy cripes on a fucking crumpet, just when the fuck I am going to get to read them I have no clue but what I can do right now is give Y’all an update!
My job was supposed to finish on October 27th and y’all know I was in the final stages of wrapping up and let me tell you when I say it was as boring as shit I fucking mean it was AS BORING AS SHIT. Seriously me and my one sole remaining staff member just sat there all day doing sweet fuck all!!
Sure I blogged, read blogs, searched for jobs in Australia, shopped online…But fuck there is only so much of that you can do in a day before you get to a point you are so fucking bored you can no longer move or even utter a word and you just sit trance like at your desk.
So after discussions with HR I sent an email to my Boss explaining the situation ” we had nothing to fucking do” and advised that HR suggested that while we will still be employed until the 27th we will no longer need to come into the office YAfuckingHOO!!
So after 11 years and 11 days with my job it came to an end..It’s funny but I did not for a second imagine it would be this way. I had imagined that on my last day there would be a bon voyage party, I would say goodbye to all of my staff, hand my team over to their new boss and then take my little arse home to Australia!!!
The reality was that over the last few months I have slowly said goodbye to my staff in stages as their jobs transitioned over to the new office in Kentucky. On Wednesday I said goodbye to my last staff member. After he left I packed up my personal belongings, handed in my phone and laptop, turned the lights out and walked out the door!!!
Saying goodbye to an amazing team of staff this way was brutal and something I hope never to do again.
On Wednesday evening sitting alone in my cabin trying not to cry, unsuccessfully I might add I received the following text from Mon Capitaine. “How are you holding up? And whats wrong? Something is bothering you.
Sometimes I cannot get over just how fucking observant he is even over text which honestly is hard as fuck to do!! But anyway, I told him that I was not excited about going to Vegas on my own. So he said ” Ditch all your plans, cancel your flights and come here instead.”
What!! Ummm wait, fuck!! Yes, there is nothing forcing me to go to Vegas and here is the thing…I always thought that Vegas was “my happy place” but all I could think about was getting to Vegas and getting that trip over and done with so that I could get back and start my road trip to Chicago which included stopping on the way to spend some time with Mon Capitaine in St Louis. It was all so fucking simple really and I had no idea why I did not think of it!!
So I cancelled my Vegas flights, cancelled all my hotels and made plans to pack up my shit and hit the road early Thursday morning.
Oh, let me back track a little to Wednesday morning. I had gone to the doctor because I suspected I may have a UTI, after going to the loo I would still get the feeling I would need to pee even though I had just been. It was not constant and just happened occasionally but it was as annoying as fuck!! Anyway tests show no infection but some blood in my urine. Doc said she could prescribe me some antibiotics or we can just wait. Well I am not one for taking shit for no reason so I said I would wait. Holy fuck, what a mistake that was!!
All night Wednesday I had a constant urge to pee, it NEVER let up!! I would go sit on the loo and piss droplets. Honestly I have never cursed so fucking much on the toilet in all my life. Picture this, 2 am me sitting on the toilet screaming ” Is that it?? make me get out of fucking bed and all you can piss is 3 fucking drops!!! What kind of shit is this!!?
By 3:30 am I fucking gave up, got out of bed and began packing up all my shit to leave early on my road trip stopping every five fucking seconds to go piss a few drops!!
My first stop was a COMP room in Oklahoma, I know, I know, it was not technically the shortest route to take but fuck the room was FREE and I like Casinos!! The 5 hour drive was closer to 6 because I had to stop every hour to piss which again I cannot stress enough was annoying as fuck!!
I did manage to have some fun in the Casino between pointless trips to the toilet but then had another restless night involving many trips to the loo before again giving up on the idea of sleep. I once again got up at 3:30 am, packed up my shit and got ready to hit the road!
What a total fucking nightmare that drive was!!! This leg of the trip was supposed to be 7 hours and 40 minutes. Now, I do not do well with long road trips at the best of times and 5- 6 hours of driving is usually my limit but hey, Mon Capitaine was at the end of this leg and I was going to get some hot steamy sex so I was motivated!!
Let me tell you that sex motivation lasted till around the 5th toilet stop! I have seen more gas station bathrooms between Oklahoma and Missouri than I ever wanted to see and have bought enough packs of gum or soda to last me a fucking lifetime!! I know, I know but I feel rude if I just stop and use a gas station without buying something though I have to admit after the 9th or 10th gas station I fucking gave up on buying pointless shit!!
Almost 11 hours later, yes!!! My 7 hour and 40 minute road trip was 24 gas station bathrooms and almost 11 fucking hours LONG.
So almost 11 hours later I finally made it to Mon Capitaine’s house!!
Okay time for a break, I will write another post sometime in the next few days!
I know right, you wasted all your fucking time reading my boring shit about my bladder problems and no sexy details!! I know!! I am sorry but I kinda sorta got distracted when I was writing this so I kinda sorta had to stop for a bit and now I have run out of time!! So now you have to wait for my next blog post for all the juicy details!!
Stay tuned for my next blog to find out just how Mon Capitaine made me eat my words!!
Mon Capitaine: “Ok… you come here…I’ll make sure you get sex every night…Not 3 times a week. You done know I can wear your ass out, and Imma make you eat your interview words….:)