Butterfly kisses and practice goodbyes!

After writing this post I realized I needed to come back to the beginning and post a “read at your own risk” warning!! No No, nothing like that, it is not about poop, vomit, kinky fuckery or sex,…or any  other topic of interest for that matter!!
The warning is because this post is possibly so freaking boring you may fall asleep while reading it!! I am serious, it is as boring as fuck!! So if you have insomnia and you need a bedtime story, read away!!
If you do decide to continue to read and you up and die from boredom, don’t blame me!!
You were forewarned!!

So it has take me a couple of days to write this blog post because I needed some time to myself to digest it. I am not sure I have fully digested it and I really don’t know if my writing of this post will do justice to the depth of all the feelings and emotions involved but what the fuck!! I am going to give it a try and see what happens!!

As I get one step closer to Australia it gets harder and harder dealing with and accepting that there are things, food, places and people that I am buying, tasting, visiting or seeing for the last time.

I am currently on a road trip to Chicago where I am saying goodbye to my Stepchildren and step grand-kiddies and it is very possible that I will not see some of them again for many, many years. We went out to dinner last night and one of my step children tagged me in a Facebook post and so appropriately called it “The last supper”

I know it is coming, 5 weeks tomorrow and I will be getting on a plane with my 8 suitcases, destination Australia!! A one way ticket home!

I cannot even begin to try and explain to y’all, let alone myself the overwhelming emotions involved in making such a move…for not the first but 3rd fucking time in my life…I am not shitting you!! This will be the 3rd time in my life that I have packed up my shit and moved across the globe to another country!!

Saying goodbye to my family in Australia almost 12 years ago was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life but what made it easier and more bearable was that I thought it was going to be for 6 – 12 months. I never, for a hot fucking minute imagined I would be in America for nearly 12 years!!

And now I find myself saying goodbye all over again except this time I know that for many of the people that I am saying goodbye to it is going to be years and years before I see them again… If ever!

How do you do that? How does a person reconcile that in there head? More specifically how the fuck does a batshit crazy fubar cope with all these forever goodbyes!!

I know this is not the first post that I have bored y’all with my woes about saying goodbye to people so I bet you are wondering what the fuck prompted yet another “pity party post” well let me tell ya!!

“The Captain” and I have been practicing saying goodbye to each other for a couple of months now, you would think by the 4th fucking time we would be experts at it!! Wrong!! Honestly, it just gets fucking harder and harder!

Thursday morning Mon Capitaine was leaving  for an early morning appointment and I would be leaving later that morning to continue on with my road trip to Chicago where I was going to be away from “The Captain” for 4 days. Count them… FOUR whole fucking days!!!

In the wee hours of the morning I was woken to tender butterfly kisses all over my face.
Please tell me, how the fuck can something as simple as butterfly kisses be so fucking complicated!!
I mean seriously, butterfly kisses, such a simple gesture. Honestly it takes NO effort to lay gentle kisses on someones face… So why the fuck in my 51 years of life has nobody ever placed butterfly kisses on my face and why did this simple gesture undo me!!



27 thoughts on “Butterfly kisses and practice goodbyes!

  1. Goodbyes are never an easy thing to do, and while it’s not an ideal situation, Facebook does prove great for communication so at least you’ll have that. Butterfly kisses, I’ve never truly understood them. Reminds me of poodles, like a poodle actually trying to kiss. Just seems strange.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Reading this piece makes me want to turn it into a happy ending where you guys end up together. Hugs to you Jad.
    I’m not great with good byes ever. My sister has moved over there for a few years now. Not sure when she wants to come back here.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Goodbyes are hard. I said goodbye to my stepchildren and my step grandchildren today and that was brutal.
      It’s simply not possible for “The Captain” and I to be together but it does not mean we cannot have our happy ending. I have every confidence that even after I got back to Australia there will be more adventures of Captain Kirk and Jadzia Dax

      Liked by 4 people

  3. I feel for you Jad. Life moves on and always changes. Change is the only constant – a cliché of motherhood – and channelling your inner zen might help you to be at peace with the nature of what this change means. A new phase of life? A new chapter? That’s an optimistic way to look at loss, but recognising your grief (that’s what it is, at heart) is also important

    Liked by 4 people

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