It’s all good, I am “A” OooooKaaay!!
Oh wait? Y’all have no freaking clue what I am talking about!! Doh, sorry it was my Facebook world that was bombarded with posts about my suitcase and shopping adventures!!
Well the least I can do now is give y’all an update…Damn I just LOVE the fuck out of that word, Y’all!! I am going to use it SO MUCH when I get home to Australia they are all gonna think I am a Yank!!
Anyway, suitcases, so here is a story!! I called the airline because I decided there was no fucking way I was going to be able to make 27 pounds weight 9 pounds despite the fact that I do have a “for REAL magic wand” so I asked them how much it would cost if I go overweight with each suitcase, instead of 50 pounds they weigh 70 pounds and the dude told me $75 and my little brain was thinking 20 more pounds for $75 bucks shit I can live with that!! So I said to the dude I have 8 suitcases and if I make them all 70 pounds that is like what $600 bucks or something right and he said why don’t you just pay for more additional suitcases and I am like Chris, I already have 8, I bought the maximum you would let me have. He said you can have more and I am like Chris, your website only let me buy 5 cases and he was like yeah that is online but I can sell you as many as you want!! What, wait, HOW, OMFG!!!
Okay so then Chris had to go “ma’am, Ma’am, Ma’am!! Are you there Ma’am? Well he didn’t really yell Ma’am because they don’t say Ma’am in Australia but he repeatedly called me by my last name MS XXX. I did not answer him right away because I was trying to pick myself up of the floor!! I was like OMG Chris, did you just tell me I can buy as many cases as I want?? Holy crapola he probably should not have told me that!!
I then told Chris that while he was personally responsible for what I was about to do he did in fact make my day so it was all good and I was going to see just how many suitcases can fit into a Rav4 so I would know how many more I can buy.
Before I could TEST load suitcases into my vehicle I had to unpack all those suckers first, no bloody way I was pushing around 50 pound suitcases, besides I decided I really should take a good look at what I packed to make sure I really did need the crap I was packing. After everything was unpacked I loaded up my car and Voila, 9 suitcases all snug as a bug in a rug…!! LOOK!!
Plenty of room for at least Ummm 5 or 6 more… Cripes on a crumpet!!! I was already going to be THAT batshit crazy AusTexican trying to maneuver 8 suitcases through Customs to the transfer gate in Sydney and now I am seriously considering making it 13 or 14 cases, honestly, what the fuck is wrong with me!!!
After unpacking 8 suitcases I had to pack those suckers again and that task required wine and plenty of it. My neighbor came over to help me
drink the wine pack, I meant help me pack, but between the two of us we did manage to drink 3 bottles of wine… Oh and someone (not mentioning any names) in her rush to get rid of all her crap gave away ALL of her corkscrews so we had to get creative and hammer the cork into the bottle which meant we actually had to drink the entire bottle after we opened it…True story!!
3 bottles of shared wine and 8 suitcases repacked I fell into bed exhausted!!
Woke up super duper early this morning excited to embark on my adventure… You guessed it SHOPPING!!! I mean fuck!! I have suitcases to fill 😛
But its okay, I am OKAY… Really truly I am “A” OooooKaaay!!
I have to admit I wasn’t okay for a little bit!! You know the saying “Like a kid in a candy store” Well multiply that by a factor of 20 and that might be somewhat close to the shopping frenzy mode I went into.
It was the most bizarre thing ever, it was like I was possessed, all of a sudden I could buy whatever the fuck I wanted and I did not have to worry about damned suitcase space so I bought fucking EVERYTHING, I am not shitting you I BOUGHT every damned thing I picked up, there is NOTHING left in any store within a 10 miles radius of where I shopped… Okay, alright, maybe I am exaggerating just a little bit but I did go a little crazy, well more batshit crazy that I already am!! I even shopped at Macy’s for fucks sake, I freaking HATE Macy’s overpriced crap!! Actually when I think back to how the shopping frenzy started I was in Macy’s, picture this, I was walking through Macy’s to head to the Fossil store in the mall because that was the fastest route when my eye spotted a SALE sign $9.95, what the fuck, this is MACY’s you cannot get a roll of fucking toilet paper for less than $10 so imagine my surprise to discover a cute top, then another sale rack and another cute top, then a cute dress, and then, oh I love them pants, and what the fuck 70% off holy crap… I fucking spent $180 in Macy’s without even trying!! And thus the madness began, every freaking store I stopped at was a shopping frenzy, I mean seriously I bought shit I just know I am NEVER going to fucking wear… Total damage was just over $700. I did manage to leave the absolutely deliciously sexy Michael Kors heels in the store but fuck it all I am going back tomorrow to take some of this shit back that I am never going to wear and buy those damned $70 sexy arse heels!!