Hey Y’all… See, I am living down under now but I can still use y’all!! Anyway, hey y’all… I guess I should start by saying if you signed up to follow my blog because of the “sex stuff” then you may want to stop following me for a bit!! Come back in about ummm 3 – 6 months, or more and check if I am having sex again. Actually I am thinking of become celibate? Oh wait!! I was celibate for over 8 years and that sucked, fuck that shit!!! I am sure sometime in the future I will need a fuck buddy but not just yet… Right now I need time to regroup and sort my shit out, as much as my batshit crazy brain will let me sort my shit out.
Fuck, I sound like I am ranting hey? But this is not a rant, whew, Jad, relax, take a breath, slow down!! There thats better, lets try this again!!
So as y’all know I just moved back to Australia after living in America for 13 years, if ya don’t know this then you either don’t read my shit or you are new here, either case “hi” thanks for stopping by!! Anyway, here I am exactly one week since I landed and it feels like a fucking lifetime!!
Not only have I been battling the worse case of jetlag I have EVER had I have also had to contend with a whole bunch of other shit which I am about to tell ya’ll about… Once again a warning, if you here for sex there is none, nada, zilch!! There is a lot of fucking but none of it is the sexy fun fucking!!
So lets start first with me buying my first ever “brand spanking new” car!! Now you would think that buying a brand NEW car would be fun right!! Well let me tell you, when you are jetlagged and want to buy the car in a hurry!! it is NOT!
I had already done research when I was in the US and had pretty much decided I was going to buy a KIA Picanto, I love the KIA Soul but honestly did not want to spend that much on a car. Fuck I am already struggling with the cost of things in Australia without dropping another 10k on a freaking car, so anyway I love the Picanto, it is the next best thing to a Soul.
The day that I got off the plane after over 24 hours of travelling time I thought it would be a good idea to go test drive the Picanto, I really fucking did!! Who does that shit? Anyway, I took the car for a drive and fell in love with it, honestly I would have bought it right on the spot except my brain said “what the fuck?! don’t be such an idiot? You CANNOT buy the first and ONLY car you test drive”!
Now I would love to blame my inner bitch for that conversation but I cannot, it was my brains fault…and my brain and I are no longer friends!! You see I spent the next 3 days driving around in cars and battling pushy fucking salesman when really my heart and soul told me I wanted the Kia Picanto.
Now I hear ya’ll saying my brain was being smart test driving a load of other stinking cars but it wasn’t, it was dumb dumb dumb!! I have spent the better part of the last year travelling for business and pleasure and have rented a
gazillion maybe 20 compact cars and driven them all around America so I have test driven almost every model a LOT of compact cars, it does not make a lick of difference between cars in the US and cars in Australia except where the steering wheel is located so I did not need to do all that shit!!
After 3 fucking torturous days I went back and bought the first freaking car I looked at!! Honestly, my hardest fucking choice on that first day should have been “what color do I want”?
I LOVE my new car, it is SO me!! Here is a picture for your viewing pleasure, I have named her Lolita, lolly for short!!
Moving on let’s talk about house hunting in the “rental market”, what a fucking FARCE this has been!!
In America realtors and landlords are falling all over you to get your business, some places even offer the first months rent free or no deposit, all kind of incentives to lure you in. You can also engage a realtor (for free) to spend a couple of hours with you taking you around to a whole range of homes to look at until you find that perfect one.
In Australia, well Adelaide anyway, I cannot speak for the rest of Australia, but in Adelaide it is a fucking “cut throat” market and freaking EXPENSIVE!! Honestly, why the fuckity fuck fuck would I want to pay 380 per week….YES per WEEK for a tiny little shit box that smells like dogs arse!!!
I have walked into more stinky smelly houses that I ever wanted to in my lifetime, I need to bleach the insides of my nostrils to purge all the stinky arse smells that seem to have lingered. Honestly, if you are trying to rent your house out at least invest in some fucking room freshener at $2 a can, I promise you might have more success!! Oh but wait!! They don’t give a fuck, because for every home available for rent there are 20 applicants fighting for the opportunity to live in that stinky arsed house!!! I feel like I am doomed to live in my Mums house forever!!! I may have to move into my adorable new car….Oh wait, I have 12 suitcases, I cannot even fit one of those suckers in my new car let alone twelve!!
I did put in applications 4 houses in the last 24 hours, I also put in an offer on one house for reduced rent because honestly what she was asking for was ridiculous, it was an adorable house but VERY small, the biggest benefit was that is was 3 houses down from my daughter and after living oceans away from her and my grandchildren I am SO ready for being that close however she has not responded and my feeling is she will not accept my offer and I am okay with that because I found the most absofuckinglutely perfect (two) houses, yes!! After looking at a
gazillion maybe 20 stinky houses I found two houses just perfect for me. One is just slightly more favorable than the other but honestly I would be totally fucking tickeled with either of them. I submitted applications for them both but honestly it was hard not to get down on my knees and offer my first born if they would just let me move in right then and there!!!
I just want to get moved into my own space and start to do what I love best!! !! YES!! you guessed it…Shopping!!! OKAY OKAY SECOND BEST!! but sex is off the table now so I have to settle for shopping!!! I will have an entire house to fill with furniture, thingamebobs and knickknacks!! I just do not need clothes, shoes or purses..I have not seen a single house with enough closet space to hold my wardrobe of clothes so I am guessing I will be doing the Winter/summer storage thing!!
Well that is for now, I have another 8 houses to look at today…If you see on the news in Australia some batshit crazy person was arrested for beating on a realtor with a can of room freshener that would be me and that would mean it was another stinky arse house that assualted my nostrils!!