Wait!! No he didn’t! That’s not what he said…Go have sex, that is what he said, go forth and have sex!! So I’m gonna!! I am, really! I am gonna!!… Just as soon as I can find Mon Capitaine’s Aussie double!!
Alright! Alright, I am gonna!!
I met this dude at the pokies, no no, not jail, the pokies!! See, where I live now all the bars and pubs have these rooms they call the pokies, it comes from “poker machines”don’t ask me why but Aussies like to add shit to the end of words. Anyway it is basically a mini casino but they only have slot machines. So I went there with my Mum a few nights back and one of the staff members came over a few times to chat with me, I just thought he was being friendly.
Fast forward a couple of days and I go back to the pokies, this time I am alone, he is working again and pretty much came over to talk to me as soon as he saw me, he then spent the next hour or so coming over to talk to me every time he had a free moment between customers. We talked about my travels in America and I mentioned going to Chicago to say goodbye to my grandchildren and he seemed truly shocked. He said “There is no way you are old enough to have grandchildren” I did not tell him my age but I assured him I was and he said “no way, not with legs like those!! Hello…booty shorts, high heels =equals, legs that look amazingly long even on short arses like me!! having said this I do think my legs are my nicest feature besides my smile and I have to confess I like to show them off!!
So I told Mon Capitaine all about this dude especially the fact that he is bald, god I just want to rub his head!! The dudes head, not Mon Capitaine’s…WAIT!! yes, of course I want to rub Mon Captaine’s head too but its impossible so I will settle for the dude… Fuck it I will rub both their heads!!
Anyway The Captain has a “Help Jad get laid plan” It all feels kind of surreal, the conversations we are having are actually quite bizarre!! Lemme expand on this a little and tell you the tomato soup story…No, there is no sex involved and yeah it may be a little bit of a boring story but just suck it up and read on anyway because then you will get the gist of what I am saying!!
The Captain and I discovered this Tomato soup in city which I won’t name and a restaurant also not to be named…The soup is absofuckinglutely THE best soup we have ever had, we went back there many times to partake, often we would forgo any other food and just order soup it was THAT good!! Every single time we went we joked around with our server asking for the recipe but to no avail, then this one time we had a new server whom we had never seen before, again we joked around and asked for the recipe and fuck me dead if she did not go out to the kitchen and then bring it back to us. I quickly hid it in my purse because I am so sure this girl would have been in serious trouble or even fired if they knew she was giving us the recipe, we gave her a HUGE tip and then The Captain and I made a pact that we would NEVER share the recipe with anyone else, we could share the soup after we had made it but but not the recipe!!!
So what the fuck does this have to do with my conversations with The Captain and his plan to help me get laid…well let me tell ya!! I made the soup today, I took pictures through each stage of the process to send to Mon Capitaine, it was nice, like he was there with me in the kitchen encouraging me. Part way through the soup making process this is what Mon Capitaine said to me…You can fuck the bald Casino guy and I’m ok. But you getting to eat the soup makes me jealous.”… SEE, it is just fucking BIZARRE… The Captain and I continued to talk about the possibility of the “Bald Casino guy” with Mon Capitaine even giving me pointers on possible things to do!! At one point he said “God this is such an odd conversation” and it really was!!
So with “The Captains” support, prodding and cheering from the sidelines I am embarking on an adventure to “get laid”
At Mon Capitaine’s urging I went Commando today, the first time since I moved back here, unfortunately the only purpose it served was to make me horny as fuck and I really did not need any help in that area because I was already there!!
I did experiment a little with some online dating sites in Australia but that’s a story for another day!!
Heading to bed now, still horny and still without sex or an orgasm… 25 fuckless days!!
Oh…. and the tomato soup, absofuckinglutely AMAZING!! tasted exactly like the restaurant soup!!