This is another fucked up blog post!!
I know seriously, it is not what y’all signed up for!!
Some of y’all were eagerly waiting for me to begin my dating adventures in Australia, regaling you charming and witty stories about my sometimes serious but mostly hilarious antics….And instead y’all have ended up with these boringly depressing long arsed blog posts!
Waaaaa waaaa waaaaa BIG fail Jad!!!
I don’t know what to tell you except to say things are pretty fucked up in the life and times of Batshit crazy Jad right now and y’all have a choice of riding along on this fucked up ride with me for a little while or jumping ship!! You have a choice!!
Just like I had a choice!! Give up my career, my lifestyle, my friends and My Captain to return home to Australia homeless, jobless and sexless to be with my family and long time friends…. Y’all know I chose the latter!! Do I regret my choice?….
NOT FOR ONE SECOND!!… I still firmly believe in my heart and my soul that HERE with my family is exactly where I NEED to be….But knowing it and believing it does not make the struggles and the challenges any easier.!!
The title of this blog post is misplaced or displaced, I googled both because y’all know I fucking love google and these are the two definitions that are most apt… I thought I should just chose one, once again a choice!! And fuck it all if I did not decide to choose both!! Ahhhh Freedom of choice!!
Definition of misplaced – incorrectly positioned, temporarily lost
Definition of displaced– to put something in a different place from where it should be
So I hear you asking what is the fucking purpose of all this shit and you are wondering if I temporarily have lost my fucking mind, maybe I put it in a different place from where it should be such as, ummmm my arse!!!
But we are not talking about my batshit crazy mind, we are talking about me!! Oh yeah well… I guess we ARE talking about my batshit crazy mind then!!
But at the end of the day (literally) I should be fucking sleeping now, but I digress, at the end of the day this blog post is about my challenges and how I find myself feeling somewhat Misplaced or Displaced…!
Let me explain, I left Australia 13 years ago, and even those who lived here the entire 13 years I was gone will tell you there have been a LOT of changes in Australia during the past 13 years, some good, some shitty but THEY were here slowly adjust to the progression of changes!!
Coming back after 13 years is like waking up from a fucking coma to some degree, I mean honestly, there are some things I am like how the fuck did that happen or why the fuck did that happen?
I pissed and moaned about the American health system for the entire 13 years I was in the US and praised the Australian system under socialized health care only to get home and find out it is actually a pretty fucked up system right now!!
I struggle daily with things that most Australians are used to, I struggle with the cost of living, I struggle emotionally with not having employment, I struggle with the loss of things, people places and foods that I miss in America!!
But most of all I struggle with a feeling that ME, myself, my identity has been
Misplaced or Displaced!!
I left Australia 13 years ago a completely and totally different person, I mean for fucking real. Just check out my featured photo!! From left to right, aged 40, 50 then 51
I wish you could see the faces in the pictures because the change is even more stark!! But fuck it, this is an anonymous blog so nanny nanny boo boo!!
Even without the faces you can be forgiven for thinking the person on the left is my Grandmother, I mean seriously, what the fuck was I thinking…But that person is “ME” , I left Australia 13 years ago and very slowly began a transformation culminating in some MAJOR changes in the last two years until we reach the ME of today!!
And while I have returned to Australia every year, sometimes twice a year for the past 13 years I still have a sense of feeling Misplaced or Displaced!!
I am NOT the person that left 13 years ago, that person was a victim of circumstance, living her life the best she knew how but not really LIVING her life.
She no longer exists!!
All of my friends and family are thrilled and excited to have me back, and almost ALL the time they have embraced the person that I am today… I say almost all the time because sometimes old habits die hard!!
One of the challenges (besides my fucked up love story with The Captain) is trying to incorporate my new identity into old relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, I have not had any specific situation which has caused me upset or pain, it is just a culmination of many things but I guess the hardest adjustment for others is my name change.
It is fucking stupid really, I mean whats in a name, but honestly my name is a VERY big part of my identity and I went to a LOT of trouble and expense to legally change it.
Most everyone is very cognizant and corrects themselves, others make apologies but continue to call me by my old name, then are some who refuse to call me by my current legal name, they have always known me as my previous name and have made a conscious choice to keep calling me it for various of their own personal reasons.
My Mother is one of them, but she gets a pass!! As for anyone else, I accept that some people may feel that way and at the end of the day it is ultimately THEIR choice!!!
Most people simply because old habits die hard are struggling to adapt and still introduce me incorrectly to someone, or they call me my old name, apologize then do it again 30 seconds later, or still have me in their phone contacts under my old name.
Most is unintentional but some is intentional BUT I have to stress NONE of it is done with malice or with intent to hurt me.
Through life we have choices, most people are lucky enough to have freedom of choice
Some choose to not adapt, my choice is to not accept!!
I would never demand anyone call me by my correct name, but from now on and for my own self I will stop saying to people “It’s okay, it doesn’t bother me”
Because it does bother me!! AND its not Okay!!