Misplaced or Displaced?

This is another fucked up blog post!!
I know seriously, it is not what y’all signed up for!!
Some of y’all were eagerly waiting for me to begin my dating adventures in Australia, regaling you charming and witty stories about my sometimes serious but mostly hilarious antics….And instead y’all have ended up with these boringly depressing long arsed blog posts!

Waaaaa waaaa waaaaa BIG fail Jad!!!

I don’t know what to tell you except to say things are pretty fucked up in the life and times of Batshit crazy Jad right now and y’all have a choice of riding along on this fucked up ride with me for a little while or jumping ship!! You have a choice!!

Just like I had a choice!! Give up my career, my lifestyle, my friends and My Captain to return home to Australia homeless, jobless and sexless to be with my family and long time friends…. Y’all know I chose the latter!! Do I regret my choice?….

NOT FOR ONE SECOND!!… I still firmly believe in my heart and my soul that HERE with my family is exactly where I NEED to be….But knowing it and believing it does not make the struggles and the challenges any easier.!!

The title of this blog post is misplaced or displaced, I googled both because y’all know I fucking love google and these are the two definitions that are most apt… I thought I should just chose one, once again a choice!! And fuck it all if I did not decide to choose both!! Ahhhh Freedom of choice!!

Definition of misplaced – incorrectly positioned, temporarily lost
Definition of displaced–  to put something in a different place from where it should be

So I hear you asking what is the fucking purpose of all this shit and you are wondering if I temporarily have lost my fucking mind, maybe I put it in a different place from where it should be such as, ummmm my arse!!!

But we are not talking about my batshit crazy mind, we are talking about me!! Oh yeah well… I guess we ARE talking about my batshit crazy mind then!!

But at the end of the day (literally) I should be fucking sleeping now, but I digress, at the end of the day this blog post is about my challenges and how I find myself feeling somewhat Misplaced or Displaced…!

Let me explain, I left Australia 13 years ago, and even those who lived here the entire 13 years I was gone will tell you there have been a LOT of changes in Australia during the past 13 years, some good, some shitty but THEY were here slowly adjust to the progression of changes!!
Coming back after 13 years is like waking up from a fucking coma to some degree, I mean honestly, there are some things I am like how the fuck did that happen or why the fuck did that happen?

I pissed and moaned about the American health system for the entire 13 years I was in the US and praised the Australian system under socialized health care only to get home and find out it is actually a pretty fucked up system right now!!

I struggle daily with things that most Australians are used to, I struggle with the cost of living, I struggle emotionally with not having employment,  I struggle with the loss of things, people places and foods that I miss in America!!

But most of all I struggle with a feeling that ME, myself, my identity has been
Misplaced or Displaced!!

I left Australia 13 years ago a completely and totally different person, I mean for fucking real. Just check out my featured photo!! From left to right, aged 40, 50 then 51
I wish you could see the faces in the pictures because the change is even more stark!! But fuck it, this is an anonymous blog so nanny nanny boo boo!!

Even without the faces you can be forgiven for thinking the person on the left is my Grandmother, I mean seriously, what the fuck was I thinking…But that person is “ME” , I left Australia 13 years ago and very slowly began a transformation culminating in some MAJOR changes in the last two years until we reach the ME of today!!

And while I have returned to Australia every year, sometimes twice a year for the past 13 years I still have a sense of feeling Misplaced or Displaced!!

I am NOT the person that left 13 years ago, that person was a victim of circumstance, living her life the best she knew how but not really LIVING her life.
She no longer exists!!

All of my friends and family are thrilled and excited to have me back, and almost ALL the time they have embraced the person that I am today… I say almost all the time because sometimes old habits die hard!!

One of the challenges (besides my fucked up love story with The Captain) is trying to incorporate my new identity into old relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, I have not had any specific situation which has caused me upset or pain, it is just a culmination of many things but I guess the hardest adjustment for others is my name change.

It is fucking stupid really, I mean whats in a name, but honestly my name is a VERY big part of my identity and I went to a LOT of trouble and expense to legally change it.
Most everyone is very cognizant and corrects themselves, others make apologies but continue to call me by my old name, then are some who refuse to call me by my current legal name, they have always known me as my previous name and have made a conscious choice to keep calling me it for various of their own personal reasons.
My Mother is one of them, but she gets a pass!! As for anyone else, I accept that some people may feel that way and at the end of the day it is ultimately THEIR choice!!!

Most people simply because old habits die hard are struggling to adapt and still introduce me incorrectly to someone, or they call me my old name, apologize then do it again 30 seconds later, or still have me in their phone contacts under my old name.
Most is unintentional but some is intentional BUT I have to stress NONE of it is done with malice or with intent to hurt me.

Through life we have choices, most people are lucky enough to have freedom of choice

Some choose to not adapt, my choice is to not accept!!

I would never demand anyone call me by my correct name, but from now on and for my own self I will stop saying to people “It’s okay, it doesn’t bother me”

Because it does bother me!! AND its not Okay!!




23 thoughts on “Misplaced or Displaced?

  1. Don’t apologize for writing what you need to write. If I did know you I would still have zero need to talk outside of the blog about your business. Actually good timing and very helpful to hear someone say that about the health system.
    Blessed be sister xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Coyote, I am more concerned about hurting friends or family members!
      Yeah I am shocked at the demise of the health system in Australia, the changes while may not be as apparent for many Australians is pretty stark for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your name is one of the things people can’t take from you. Feel free to correct them till he’ll freezes over! But be patient as well. 40 plus years of calling you by your old name trains their brain anagrams. It’s chiseled in stone in their heads! It will take them time! In the meantime…where a name tag! “Hello! My fucking name is Jad! I won’t answer to anything else!”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It really takes TIME to adjust to a new city, never mind a new country (even if it’s a familiar one). I agree: Australia has changed a lot in the last ten years (I mostly blame the politicians), but you will settle in again.

    Re the name change: I personally would have zero tolerance for people not respecting my choice to change my name. I would politely but firmly just repeat EVERY TIME what my new name was: it’s YOUR DAMN LIFE, and you can call yourself whatever you like! I have friends who’ve changed names and/or even changed genders, and it’s disrespectful to not make the effort to treat them as they ask (Mums probably do get a pass on this, but it’s nice if they join in).

    Have you found somewhere to live yet? That will be a good new beginning… it really does take time honey; I’ve moved countries and cities several times, and I reckon it’s 18months-2 years… xOOO G

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks G, I knew it was going to an adjustment, I knew it was not going to easy…But I did not know it was going to be THIS hard!!
      I am getting better at correcting people, I felt very uncomfortable doing it at first but it got so that it was really starting to wear one me.
      I found an awesome place, you may have missed a post with pictures, her is the link. I love it, only renting for 12 months but would love to buy it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for the link Jad: looks great!! I must have missed that when I had my two weeks off blogging : ) I can even kinda guess which area of the city you are in… if you’re near beaches etc… but I won’t say anything. And I’m glad you’re speaking up about the name thing : )

        Liked by 1 person

  4. One of my closest friends changed her name and for a while I thought of her as new name-hyphen-old name – many of that would actually say it. It kind of worked as a transition. Now, about 8 years later, I never (or rarely) think of her as the old name, and never make a mistake when saying it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s not quite but kind of a similar situation I am having with my daughter. She has a beautiful name and we shortened it like most people do with names ie Elizabeth – Lizzy, Samantha – Sam, Jessica – Jess etc. But for the past 8 months she has asked her school, family and friends to call her by her proper name. Now, I have been calling her by her shortened name for over 11 years and I am finding it a hard habit to break. Having to break the habit for a name that someone has had for 50 years and has changed it completely would be even more difficult. Calling by your original name by accident is different to people doing it intentionally. I understand with parents it can be harder seeing as they chose the name for you, they gave you life and I guess in a way it can be seen as disrespectful to your parents ( I don’t think it is), but others feel differently. Luckily I don’t have to break the habit of calling you by a different name as I have a special name I call you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally get it and understand which is why I have been very patient and continually say it’s okay but I realized that there are some people who do not even try, they have decided it is just too hard so they don’t even bother.
      I accept it is their choice, I just am no longer going to say “it’s okay”

      Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t really force people to do something they don’t want to do. Whatever their reasons, I will just have no problems going forward correcting them if they introduce me as my old name etc

      Liked by 1 person

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