Will someone please tell me….How the holy heck did I end up being a serial dater again…without even knowing it?!…Oh wait, they were not dates they were PRPs…Okay then, how the fuck did I end up being a PRPer without even knowing it?!
I told the “Pink Panther” today that he was my 6th date since I got back to Australia and I really fucking believed he was!!
Turns out he was not!! How the fuckity fuck fuck did I lose track?!
Okay so let’s go through them.
- Chockie boy – I met this dude in the supermarket on my visit to Australia a year ago, I smiled, he smiled as we passed down the aisles. The next aisle I was filling up my cart with chocolates to take home to America and he stopped to make a cheeky comment, we got to chatting and 45 minutes later we added each other to Facebook. So I went out with him for a beer just over a week after I got home, I was not thinking of anyone but My Captain at that time so technically it was more 2 friends having a chat however it was pretty clear that for him he was hoping for something more now that I was home for good, nothing happened and I have not heard from him since…The weird thing is he is still a friend on Facebook!!
- Bald Casino dude – AKA Shrek!! – Y’all already know about him, if not you can read all about this married dude right here!!
- The traffic guy – Where the fuck did he come from?? Yeah yeah I know but ya see I met him last year too and he also ended up on my Facebook page and then when I got home I met him in the bank and he invited me to meet him at the local pub, we did not set a date because he said he was there every night at 6 pm so one night I thought WTF and headed up there. This was a TWOFT, I honestly do not know why he bothered asking, he did not even offer to buy me a drink!! But again weirdly enough he is still a friend on Facebook and I know he Facebook stalks me from some of the things he commented on.
- My sisterwife!! So I met this dude on Oasis, and from the types of things he was saying I probably usually would have moved him across to the loser pile but there was something about him which intrigued me. He was Dom and Y’all know I played around a little with 30 shades of grey so I figured that had something to do with it. Anyway we arranged a dinner date but I felt awkward about dinner for a first date so I suggested we meet for coffee the day before the dinner date. He gave me instructions on what to wear for the coffee date and I told him I would wear 30% of that, he laughed and said “I thought you would” Damn!! why did he have to sound like My Sir!! Anyway I went on the coffee date and he was nothing like Sir, I do not mean in looks etc I mean in how you would normally expect a Dom to act. He was nervous and edgy and lacking any type of confidence, not the behaviors you would expect from a Dom. There was zero chemistry or connection so I sent him a polite text when I got home letting him know there was no chemistry and cancelled the dinner date. It was a bloody good thing I did, turned out he was looking for a sisterwife… I mean seriously, what the fuck dude!! After my experience with the married dude I flat out asked him if he had another sub and he said no. Some people!! Oh well moving on!
5) Hair guy!! Sorry for the name, after all the bald guys it just seemed appropriate. Not much to say really. He turned up 10 minutes late despite the fact that he had texted me 15 minutes earlier to say he was there. Turned out he walked up to a random dark haired girl in the bar, said hi, offered to buy her a drink and then realized that she was not me!! Once we finally got together within 5 minute of taking he was going on about about meeting the love of his life getting out of the granny flat he is living in and moving in with them and kept referring to “me” in that context!! OMG, not just no but FUCK no!!
6) Pokemon aka another bald casino dude – This was the Casino worker remember!!? So we met in the city for dinner, then went across to the Casino to play roulette. He was incredibly touchy feely in fact he touched me so much and so often I said ” You are very tactile aren’t you?” he said “yes, do you mind” So I asked him to put his head down, when he did I rubbed my hands all over his head and then said nope, fair payment!! The date seemed to change it’s course when during the conversation I slipped in that I do not do anything less than 4th or 5th date sex, within 5 minutes of that conversation he was walking me to my car. We kissed at my car and the kisses fell flat, combination of closed mouth kisses and he was a smoker. So no chemistry… Oh well back to the drawing board…or dating site or whatever!!
7) The player – So I knew this guy was a player, his texts always made some comments in that trend, for example he asked how I slept, I said rough, it was humid. His response “hot girl, hot bed”…now occasionally this is okay but WTF dude it was ALL the time!! So why did I go on date with him, well I was heading in that direction anyway and thought it would be interesting blog material but it turned out he was not even interesting at all, neither of us even bothered to send polite thank you for the date texts… I did not have to say anything but I knew he knew I had him pegged for a player!!
8) Big Red – Based on his very detailed, interesting and thoughtful profile “The Captain” had high hopes for “Big Red” I must admit I did initially too but as we got closer towards the date I started feeling that our text exchanges were just too polite, I mean we exchanged pleasantries every morning and every night but that is EXACTLY what they were. Pleasantries!! Really nice guy, had an enjoyable conversation but there was no chemistry and I kind of sort of felt like I was on a date with my mother!! Honestly!! I could not be myself, at all, I had to watch my Ps and Qs all the time and I let go of an F-bomb kind of sort of accidentally and it was incredibly clear that he did not like it at all.
So after all of those dating disasters I had a conversation with Mon Capitaine this morning and told him I was done, done, done, stick a fork in me I am done. I was in the process of getting ready for my date with the Pink Panther and I told My Captain if this date did not work out I was not going on anymore and Mon Capitaine said “I know hon, I know!!”
So we both had REALLY high hopes for the Pink Panther….what fucking pressure hey!! I mean seriously first off he is meeting me knowing my situation with Mon Capitaine, secondly he read my entire blog, I mean shit that is enough to make anyone think what the fuck am I getting myself into… And on top of all that he is totally aware that I am a slightly quirky, fun loving, batshit crazy, self confessed nymphomaniac who is 44 days without sex or orgasm!!…Enough to make anyone run to to the hills screaming!!
DATE (9) Seriously, I am not fucking kidding, date NINE!!
So, I know y’all are just dying to find out how the date went…!! Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of the life and times of………what? wait?? NOW? You want details now?? But it is fucking late and I am tired!! what the heck!!…Alright!! details!!
It turns out that the “Pink Panther’s” name is MORE appropriate to him that we originally thought, the reasoning behind it was the detective work he would have to do to locate my blog, I know, I know, the detective is inspector Clouseau and the Pink Panther is the diamond BUT the Inspector is a bumbling nincompoop and the Pink Panther is FAR from that, in fact he is witty, intelligent, thoughtful and sexy in his lean Pink Panther type way…. In fact he IS the diamond!! “A diamond in the rough!!”
After almost 3 hours of stimulating, interesting, intense conversation during which time I never once made a comparison to Mon Capitaine (dang y’all!! aren’t you fucking proud of me?) I finally had to break away due to a promise to my granddaughter but I honestly could have talked for another 3 hours!!
I eagerly await our next date on Thursday evening as I am sure y’all eagerly await details!!