Hopefully y’all have read Implosion and After the implosion….If not, then you will have no fucking clue what the first part of this post is about, you can either skip down a few paragraphs or go back and read those missed blogs, up to you!! If I were you though I would go read them, pretty juicy stuff!! I’m just saying!
So…My Captain had sex with another woman and he did it for me!! I know right!! But truly, he really fucking did!!
That is some weird arse fucked up shit right there!!
But I do feel that based on some comments and private messages I received that I need to add clarity for some of Y’all as to the how and why “My Captain” fucked another woman for me!!
Those of you who have followed my blog from the beginning or have taken the time to go back and read some of the early posts will know that for the first 50 years of my life sex played a very different role ranging from pedophilia to abuse to total disinterest.
It was not until I turned 50 that I discovered sex in all its wonder and found that Chocolate was not better than sex after all!!
Mon Capitaine knows this about me, he knows how important sex has become to me. He knows of my sensuality, my sensory needs to touch and be touched, my need to give and be given. He also knows how my batshit crazy mind works, and he knew that for me to be able to open myself up to the possibility of having sex with someone other than “My Captain” he would need to clear the way by going first and having sex with another woman.
So when I tell you that “My Captain” had sex with another woman for me, he did it out of love for me, because he knows that at some point, in the not so distant future I am going to have to give in to the needs of my body and my mind and find someone to have sex with, not just any sex…… Sensual sex with substance!! And “My Captain also knew that I would not be the first one of us to make that move to have sex with some one other than each other!! So he went first!!
I have to tell you, it is a fucking incredible feeling to have someone know you so intimately they often know you better than you know yourself…
So I hear you asking “what the fuck does this have to do with Pre Romantic possibilities!!
So as y’all know I have not had any dates since I have been back in Australia… only “pre romantic possibilities”
Okay, okay, I admit it, I have been pretty much sabotaging them from the get go but not intentionally, well okay maybe a little bit but not purposefully…well maybe just slightly…Okay fuck it!! Yes I have been sabotaging them!!! But…. After what Mon Capitaine did for me, out the love he has for me I realized I cannot continue with my sabotaging efforts!!
So let it be known from this moment forward I am going to be very careful NOT to sabotage any future pre romantic possibilities!!
I am going to try very hard to be completely open to possibilities and allow fate the the suck arse bitch universe to do its thing!!
If something is meant to happen it will happen…Oh…Errm… Funnily enough speaking of which!! I only went and told a pre romantic possibility about my blog!! I know, I really fucking did!!
I honestly do not know why I told him about my blog except maybe to say that just in our text conversations I felt some connection and sure, maybe there was a little bit of sabotage in there somewhere too!!
I told Mon Capitaine what I had done, I also explained I had not given him ANY information on how to find my blog, just that if he could find it he could read it.
The Captain laughed and said that is what you did to me….And then said probably one of the most beautiful things to me that anyone has ever said….
“Your blog is an instruction book on how to love you? Everything in there is so openly, honestly you, that any man worth his salt could easily fall in love with you just reading it…that’s partly how I know you so well, Jad. You put so much of yourself into the words of it”
God I cannot tell you how that made me melt!!
Sooooooooo!! Anyway!! He found It!! And this pre romantic possibility will be forever known as “Pink Panther” unless he decides he does not like that title and wants to come up with something else!! Yep!! He read my blog so he gets to have a say in his own name!! And when I say read my blog he really fucking did!! He did a blog binge and read the entire thing in less than 2 days!!
I am now in a situation where I have a PRP (pre romantic possibility “remember”) with someone who has just spent a good portion of the last couple of days reading not only ALL of the details of my personal growth of the last 2 years which is really the foundation of my blog but also ALL of the details of my sexual experiences AND the details of my experiences with “Mon Capitaine” and our challenge to move forward and transcend our relationship from lovers to friends….So, is this just another big fucking twist in the plot? Is the the suck arse bitch universe messing with my batshit crazy head? Or has fate stepped in and put someone in my path who I can look at and NOT make comparisons to “My Captain” but see him for who he is and what he may bring into my life?
Only time will tell….actually just a little bit of fucking time because I have a morning PRP with the “Pink Panther” in 3 short hours!!
Some weird arse shit getting ready to go on a date knowing they have been through your knicker drawer!!!
But also incredibly freeing because he HAS been through my knicker drawer, he knows me now, warts and all!! I can go on this date and BE exactly who I am!! Jad!!
Just one last thing!! I think I have finally destroyed that fucking green eyed monster!! I smacked it repeatedly over the head with a shovel until it was completed fucking dead and shoved and pushed and heaved it over the cliff into the abyss of “never fucking come back here again”
I did not bury it because burying things doesn’t do shit, they have a habit of digging themselves up from their graves and coming back and I never want that monster here again.
The Captain has a date tonight with “The Teacher” which is almost certain to lead to sex, when we talked about it I feel no jealousy, no deep pang in my stomach, I am no longer angry and hurt. What I am left with is what I should have always felt and no more…..Sadness and longing…. Sad that it is not me, and longing for it to be me!! Those are the healthy emotions to feel in this situation and ones that sit comfortably with me.
Stay tuned for another episode into the fucked up crazy life of a slightly quirky, fun loving, batshit crazy self confessed nymphomaniac who has not had sex or orgasm for 44 days!!
In the next exciting episode you will get to read all the details of “Jad’s” (6) SIX pre romantic possibilities since arriving in Australia!!!