In this weird fucked up situation which is currently my life “Mon Capitaine” and I have had some equally weird conversations with some suggestions on if he needs to write an instruction manual for the “Pink Panther” I told My Captain that I thought this was a fucking awesome idea!!
I said that he if wrote the instruction manual I would make sure that the “Pink Panther” would see it via way of my blog.
Just another weird plot twist for what is going to be the most incredibly funny, heartbreaking, adventurous, heartwarming, fucked up batshit crazy romantically comically tragically ridiculous movie EVER made!!
The Pink Panther and Mon Capitaine know about each other, not only do they know about each other I suspect they have probably Facebook stalked each other!! I know I fucking Facebook stalked the “Teacher” it’s only normal for that level of curiosity!! In fact I would probably be very disappointed if they did not Facebook stalk each other just a little bit… The Pink Panther has already indicated that he would quite easily and happily enjoy getting to know “The Captain” even better as indicated by this conversation
Pink Panther – “Well, I’ve met Mon Capitaine. And I’d pay him the ultimate Aussie compliment- he’s welcome at my place anytime for a beer and a barbie.
(Assuming you’ve educated him that barbies are not just dolls over here) wouldn’t want him thinking I wanted to show him my Ken collection”
So I have to wonder though just how far this “connection” (AKA me) they have is going to extend….Aussie barbies? drinks at the bar? Facebook friends? Late night telephone calls sharing notes? Blog comment dialogues? The possibilities are endless and just another plot twist in this fucked up fairy tale!!
But for now let’s start with the first part of the Operation and owners manual for the
Jadalicious 66/6 model, 2018 edition.
Welcome to your operators manual for the Jadalicious 66/6 psuedomechanical physiological pleasure machine! We hope you enjoy your newest acquisition! Just read the operators manual in great detail, and follow the instructions carefully! Feel free to keep the manual at your side during operation of your new unit! The pages are laminated to protect them from fluid damage, and accidental tearing, should your manual accidentally get caught up in the field of unit operations!
Continue on to owners manual…
Safety first! – Warnings and safety cautions
Warnings and safety cautions regarding your Jadalicious 66/6 pleasure unit! Read carefully!
1. Your unit is equipped with special sensor filled feet. To ensure optimum operation parameters, it is imperative that the units feet never come into contact with your person. Should this seem a likely possibility, make sure that the protective covers, that come with the unit (the socks) are on the feet of the unit. Even when the covers are in place, refrain from touching the sensor filled aperati!
2. Your unit is a highly moisture sensitive model. Should you get one side wet in spots, be sure to wet the matching opposing side to maintain proper balance, and ensure continued operation.
3. Your model has been equipped with failsafe mechanisms for your protection. Should the unit announce that you are exceeding standard levels of operation, follow the units instructions closely to regain balance and operational control of the unit.
4. This unit has been equipped with several turbo operation zones. While we encourage the user to utilize each of these zones for maximum unit functionality, it is necessary to familiarize yourself with each of the “T” zones, and test them individually, to learn their capabilities. Once familiar with each zone, we encourage you to activate multiple zones at once! Protective gear should be worn during these activities.
5. Occasionally, during the activation of multiple turbo zones, it is necessary to properly secure your pleasure unit to a stationary item of your choice. This will heighten the operating capabilities of your pleasure unit, and provide a minimal protection to your person during multiturbo usage functions.
6. Although we take great pride in the operational capabilities of the Jadalicious 66/6 pleasure model, it has a unique software quirk that we have been unable to eliminate through normal software updates. It has been reported, however, that many users find this quirk to not only improve their experience with the model, but have stated categorically, that the correction methods devised to occasional reset the unit, have in fact heightened the units operational parameters during use!
Should your unit become sullen, it is best to cover the ocular sensors, lean the unit over a sturdy structure (a bed, table, or the back of a sofa seem to work best), remove any protective coverings on the back side of the unit, and deliver a series of firm smacks to its back side, alternating sides. Do this until you feel the unit is operating at peak performance, and is ready to resume pleasure operations. NOTE: between the delivery of the percussive maintenance series, it is wise to check the fluid levels of your unit. You will find an access port between the support sanctions. Slip two fingers into the access port to ensure proper lubrication is being maintained. NOTE TWO: At the front side of the access port, you will find a turbo activation switch. Rub your fingers over this switch while checking lubrication. When the unit is ready to resume operations, the switch will enlarge and throb slightly. The unit may also give off verbal turbo activation sounds. Pay attention to these sounds to achieve optimum operational capabilities of your unit!
7. Although your unit is equipped with multi functional access and pleasure ports, one port has decreased functionality due to the addition of new, highly sensitive verbal processors. It is important to note that, while the verbal port retains the majority of its functionality, your models verbal port does not accept fluid injections through this port. Attempting to do so will cause a complete systems failure and unit shutdown. Correction of this potential mishap is quite costly and lengthy. Additionally, it is highly possible that the user could incur extensive damage, should the unit be thrown into circuit protection mode in a fluid intrusion situation. It is probable that a polished diamond conducting unit may have to be installed for the pleasure unit to resume normal operations.
To be continued…….
So as I am leading up to date 2 with the “Pink Panther tonight I am posting freaking operating instructions on my blog!! Now that is some funny shit right there!
Having said that…tonight is a “non sex date” despite the fact that I have been given instructions by Mon Capitaine to wear no panties under my dress or a G-string…not a suggestion but an instruction!! And y’all know how HOT I find that!! The instruction AND the G-string!!
I have been guaranteed kissing in the car park tonight which I find to be an absolutely delicious prospect but also filled with a little trepidation!! I mean fuck, 45 days without orgasm or sex!! How the fuckity fuck fuck will I be able to stop at kissing when I am already on exploding point!!
Sooooooo in the wee hours of the morning after a combination of wearing a g-string all day yesterday, a restless nights sleep, reading a little about the Pink Panthers past sexual exploits and some suggestive text messages from Mon Capitaine….. Okay Kinky phone sext, we had kinky phone SEXT!! The drought was FINALLY broken and I got my orgasm!! Only took fucking 45 days!! I then had probably the most restful ONE hour of sleep I have had since I left America!!