Jadalicious 66/6 model, 2018 edition.

In this weird fucked up situation which is currently my life “Mon Capitaine” and I have had some equally weird conversations with some suggestions on if he needs to write an instruction manual for the “Pink Panther” I told My Captain that I thought this was a fucking awesome idea!!
I said that he if wrote the instruction manual I would make sure that the “Pink Panther” would see it via way of my blog.

Just another weird plot twist for what is going to be the most incredibly funny, heartbreaking, adventurous, heartwarming, fucked up batshit crazy romantically comically tragically ridiculous movie EVER made!!

The Pink Panther and Mon Capitaine know about each other, not only do they know about each other I suspect they have probably Facebook stalked each other!! I know I fucking Facebook stalked the “Teacher” it’s only normal for that level of curiosity!! In fact I would probably be very disappointed if they did not Facebook stalk each other just a little bit… The Pink Panther has already indicated that he would quite easily and happily enjoy getting to know “The Captain” even better as indicated by this conversation

Pink Panther – “Well, I’ve met Mon Capitaine. And I’d pay him the ultimate Aussie compliment- he’s welcome at my place anytime for a beer and a barbie.

(Assuming you’ve educated him that barbies are not just dolls over here) wouldn’t want him thinking I wanted to show him my Ken collection”

 

So I have to wonder though just how far this “connection” (AKA me) they have is going to extend….Aussie barbies? drinks at the bar? Facebook friends? Late night telephone calls sharing notes? Blog comment dialogues? The possibilities are endless and just another plot twist in this fucked up fairy tale!!

But for now let’s start with the first part of the Operation and owners manual for the
Jadalicious 66/6 model, 2018 edition.

Part one
Introduction

Welcome to your operators manual for the Jadalicious 66/6 psuedomechanical physiological pleasure machine! We hope you enjoy your newest acquisition! Just read the operators manual in great detail, and follow the instructions carefully! Feel free to keep the manual at your side during operation of your new unit! The pages are laminated to protect them from fluid damage, and accidental tearing, should your manual accidentally get caught up in the field of unit operations!

Continue on to owners manual…
Part two 
Safety first! –  Warnings and safety cautions

Warnings and safety cautions regarding your Jadalicious 66/6 pleasure unit! Read carefully!
1. Your unit is equipped with special sensor filled feet. To ensure optimum operation parameters, it is imperative that the units feet never come into contact with your person. Should this seem a likely possibility, make sure that the protective covers, that come with the unit (the socks) are on the feet of the unit. Even when the covers are in place, refrain from touching the sensor filled aperati!
2. Your unit is a highly moisture sensitive model. Should you get one side wet in spots, be sure to wet the matching opposing side to maintain proper balance, and ensure continued operation.
3. Your model has been equipped with failsafe mechanisms for your protection. Should the unit announce that you are exceeding standard levels of operation, follow the units instructions closely to regain balance and operational control of the unit.
4. This unit has been equipped with several turbo operation zones. While we encourage the user to utilize each of these zones for maximum unit functionality, it is necessary to familiarize yourself with each of the “T” zones, and test them individually, to learn their capabilities. Once familiar with each zone, we encourage you to activate multiple zones at once! Protective gear should be worn during these activities.
5. Occasionally, during the activation of multiple turbo zones, it is necessary to properly secure your pleasure unit to a stationary item of your choice. This will heighten the operating capabilities of your pleasure unit, and provide a minimal protection to your person during multiturbo usage functions.
6. Although we take great pride in the operational capabilities of the Jadalicious 66/6 pleasure model, it has a unique software quirk that we have been unable to eliminate through normal software updates. It has been reported, however, that many users find this quirk to not only improve their experience with the model, but have stated categorically, that the correction methods devised to occasional reset the unit, have in fact heightened the units operational parameters during use!
Should your unit become sullen, it is best to cover the ocular sensors, lean the unit over a sturdy structure (a bed, table, or the back of a sofa seem to work best), remove any protective coverings on the back side of the unit, and deliver a series of firm smacks to its back side, alternating sides. Do this until you feel the unit is operating at peak performance, and is ready to resume pleasure operations. NOTE: between the delivery of the percussive maintenance series, it is wise to check the fluid levels of your unit. You will find an access port between the support sanctions. Slip two fingers into the access port to ensure proper lubrication is being maintained. NOTE TWO: At the front side of the access port, you will find a turbo activation switch. Rub your fingers over this switch while checking lubrication. When the unit is ready to resume operations, the switch will enlarge and throb slightly. The unit may also give off verbal turbo activation sounds. Pay attention to these sounds to achieve optimum operational capabilities of your unit!
7.  Although your unit is equipped with multi functional access and pleasure ports, one port has decreased functionality due to the addition of new, highly sensitive verbal processors. It is important to note that, while the verbal port retains the majority of its functionality, your models verbal port does not accept fluid injections through this port. Attempting to do so will cause a complete systems failure and unit shutdown. Correction of this potential mishap is quite costly and lengthy. Additionally, it is highly possible that the user could incur extensive damage,  should the unit be thrown into circuit protection mode in a fluid intrusion situation. It is probable that a polished diamond conducting unit may have to be installed for the pleasure unit to resume normal operations.
To be continued…….
So as I am leading up to date 2 with the “Pink Panther tonight I am posting freaking operating instructions on my blog!! Now that is some funny shit right there!
Having said that…tonight is a “non sex date” despite the fact that I have been given instructions by Mon Capitaine to wear no panties under my dress or a G-string…not a suggestion but an instruction!! And y’all know how HOT I find that!! The instruction AND the G-string!!
I have been guaranteed kissing in the car park tonight which I find to be an absolutely delicious prospect but also filled with a little trepidation!!  I mean fuck, 45 days without orgasm or sex!! How the fuckity fuck fuck will I be able to stop at kissing when I am already on exploding point!!
Sooooooo in the wee hours of the morning after a combination of wearing a g-string all day yesterday, a restless nights sleep, reading a little about the Pink Panthers past sexual exploits and some suggestive text messages from Mon Capitaine….. Okay Kinky phone sext, we had kinky  phone SEXT!! The drought was FINALLY broken and I got my orgasm!! Only took fucking 45 days!! I then had probably the most restful ONE hour of sleep I have had since I left America!!

34 thoughts on “Jadalicious 66/6 model, 2018 edition.

  1. Bahahahaha maybe I better whip up a quick section on preventative maintenance, leak detection and stoppage, and “What to do in an unit operational functionality emergency” just for pre, mid, and post date referencing! Accidents happen…

    Fucked up it may be, but you’re still the most FUN on the planet!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. User Feedback Report, Day 1:

    Manual received. Appreciate the level of detail contained therein. Very thankful it is actually written in English, not some bastard hybrid of Chinese, Korean and something vaguely resembling English like every other fkn instruction manual I have received.
    As I am still on probation, I am unable at this time to access full functionality, but am excited at the prospect of reaching full utilisation at the earliest opportunity following successful completion of allocated training tasks.
    Hoping that, in time, I will be able to do justice to the careful and extensive research and development undertaken by writer of this manual.
    First assessment tonight, nervous, but quietly confident of passing Phase One.

    PP.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I know those bastard hybrid instructions!! That is what came with Bob JR, aka gusto!! fucking things!!
      Allocated training tasks…hahahahaha remember the first task…pre date requisite…eat garlic!!!

      Like

      • Pink Panther says:
        January 25, 2018 at 9:29 am

        User Feedback Report, Day 1:

        Manual received. Appreciate the level of detail contained therein. Very thankful it is actually written in English, not some bastard hybrid of Chinese, Korean and something vaguely resembling English like every other fkn instruction manual I have received.
        As I am still on probation, I am unable at this time to access full functionality, but am excited at the prospect of reaching full utilisation at the earliest opportunity following successful completion of allocated training tasks.
        Hoping that, in time, I will be able to do justice to the careful and extensive research and development undertaken by writer of this manual.
        First assessment tonight, nervous, but quietly confident of passing Phase One.

        PP.

        *THUD*

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Esteemed user PP!

    Although a multinational version of the user manual has been attempted, the translation from English to other foreign languages has been a daunting task, due to verb configuration, and split participle usage. It left operation gaps in the instructions that have thrown the units in the past into conclusive systems failures, resulting in damaged user flesh, loss of vision and hearing, and in rare cases, amputation. It is our current corporate plan only to utilize these units in English speaking countries.

    Great wishes for your successful training, and potential advancement to user status!

    The training staff…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dear Training Staff,

      Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I have it on very good authority that they are indeed genuine and heartfelt.
      I wish to publicly acknowledge the high quality control standards and Nobel prize worthy emotional intelligence software that have gone into the development of this 2018 model. I have researched the previous models, and while they were state of the art in their own right, this year’s version is going to be hard to upgrade.
      While this model is entirely self-suffucient (and thankfully self-cleaning , a feature not always guaranteed in the marketplace these days!), I will be relying heavily on you for after market support. The instruction manuals are comprehensive, but with such a complex AI code, there will be times that your intimate knowledge of the product will be required. I am more than happy for you to interface directly with this unit for ongoing maintenance and upgrades, and to download user logs to ensure that I am complying with the terms and conditions of use.
      I am looking forward to a long and fruitful working relationship with you.

      PP

      Liked by 2 people

  4. This is some seriously funny, fucked up shit right here. Interesting stuff happening, can’t wait for the next installment. and best of luck on your date with Pink Panther

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks G, yes they are both awesome fellas, I feel incredibly lucky to have The Captain in my life and to find someone in Australia who has similar values, self awareness and philosophies as both myself and The Captain is incredibly fortunate, I am hoping it is not too good to be true!!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Pingback: Jadalicious 66/6 model, 2018 edition. Familiarization chapter! | Sensuality, Sex & Something else

  6. 1. Your unit is equipped with special sensor filled feet. To ensure optimum operation parameters, it is imperative that the units feet never come into contact with your person. Should this seem a likely possibility, make sure that the protective covers, that come with the unit (the socks) are on the feet of the unit. Even when the covers are in place, refrain from touching the sensor filled aperati! <–I couldn't BREATHE for laughing!!!!

    Protective gear should be worn during these activities.<–no surprise THERE!!

    The unit may also give off verbal turbo activation sounds. Pay attention to these sounds to achieve optimum operational capabilities of your unit! <–falls down giggling!!

    It is probable that a polished diamond conducting unit may have to be installed for the pleasure unit to resume normal operations. <—loses it. I'm done. Stick a fork in me. I need AIR!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Esteemed user PP,

    Our marketing staff has been passed your very kind comments regarding the pleasure units “self cleaning” feature, something we are very proud about here at Pleasure Party, International! We do, in fact, has special advertisements coming out for the Americans Superbowl weekend on February 4th. Our marketing staff may contact you by phone, with your approve, to secure any needed last minute sound bites to include in the commercials!

    As with all end users (whichever end you choose to use) our dedicated training staff is always available to answer questions, provide tips for use in upgraded models (items that dont always make it into the manual), and help with software interface issues. Feel free to contact our staff at the training website http://www.wherethefuckdoiputthatnow.com. All email inquiries will be responded to within 24-48 hours. In case of emergency operational failure, we suggest using the techniques to reset the factory defaults, as described in “Turbo Port 1: Troubleshooting for fisrt time users.”

    Thanks for your patronage!

    The training staff

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Pingback: Mr. Grey meets Mr. Grey in “30 shades”….The movie!! | Sensuality, Sex & Something else

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