Who is this impostor?!

Holy fuck!! How the freaking hell did this happen?!
In trying to analyse just what the fuck is going on in my batshit crazy brain…cause Y’all know I analyse the fuck out of EVERYTHING…I came to the realization that I just don’t recognize myself…who is this woman and where the fuck did Jad go?!!
I have been feeling my self confidence sliding on a downward spiral sometimes rather rapidly and it has been scaring the fuck out of me!!
And then I realized with absolute horror that I was slipping back into some OLD…very OLD thought patterns and coping mechanisms…I was slowly but surely slipping back into the “Susan” way of thinking and coping with shit!! I am not saying that it is wrong…I get it, I really do!! BUT it is NO longer right for me at this stage in my life… I have worked too fucking hard to go back there and this ends now!!

Below are changes I am making and some daily affirmations, some new and some which helped me on my journey this last year…I just lost the way for a little bit but now feel confident I can get back on track!! I need to get my batshit crazy brain back to a good mental space which will include these daily affirmations as well as making some minor and major changes to my life….Some of  which I have mentioned below and some of the bigger ones I will discuss in a blog post sometime later once I have it clear in my head.

  1. My worth is not defined by my career, I can lead a happy and productive life washing fucking dishes if it comes to it. As long as I give my all to whatever I am doing then I am doing it the “Jad” way!!
  2. I am 100% responsible for my own happiness. I will not and cannot rely on other people to contribute to my happiness.
  3. I have no control over the actions, inaction’s, feelings, reactions, honesty or integrity of other people. I can ONLY control my feelings and reactions and how I interact with others.
  4. I am fully responsible for every word I speak, every decision I make, every action I take. I will own it regardless of any consequences of said acts.
  5. My heart and soul is a beautiful place. If you get to experience a piece of my heart and soul either in personal, professional or social interactions then you have been to a beautiful place.!
  6. I am fucking amazing at my job..what ever that ends up being….If I apply for a job or go for an interview and I don’t end up with the job then it is a loss to the company because I fucking ROCK!!
  7. Anyone working in the Customer service industry in Adelaide that services me in a rude or inappropriate manner needs to “look out”!! I am no longer going meekly sit back and accept shitty service, I didn’t in America and I will no longer do it here. I will confront their attitude or behavior and politely suggest they might want to search for a job where they do not have to interact with people or alternatively suggest they leave their bad day at home!!! If I am feeling generous of nature at the time I might nicely ask if they are having a bad day and see if there is anything I can do to help them!!!
  8. Commit to 4 hours of exercise per week….Jad!! I do not give a fuck how you make it happen girl but make it happen!! Get your arse down the beach!! To the Gym!! Find some stairs…Do what ever the fuck you have got to do but get your butt back into gear and do the work!!
  9. No drinking alone!! A glass of wine with dinner for the pleasure and enjoyment of a glass of wine is quite okay but lets not make it a woe is me pity party, one glass of wine is the limit!!! Unless you are getting shit faced drunk with friends…then what the fuck!! Go for it girl!!
  10. If you want to eat fucking chocolate then freaking EAT the damned fucking chocolate…Stop beating yourself up over it…Go walk an extra 30 minutes if you insist on giving yourself a hard time!!!
  11. Start to eliminate unhealthy or toxic relationships…Firstly be the communicator, if their responses or reactions do not meet my needs I will either adjust my needs if I can do this and still feel confident the relationship is healthy or I will communicate that my needs are not being met or I will make changes to extract myself from the relationships and allow myself to go through a grieving process… I will accept that it is not me and that not ALL relationships are supposed to last forever!!
  12. Don’t ever be tempted to wear granny pants!!! Sexy knickers or no knickers at all times!!! Shave those legs, wear those heels, take care with hair and makeup and be the sexy arsed grandma that you know you are!!!

Okay…I think I am done for now!!

I have a few side issues that I need to work on internally but I am confident I can work on this in my usual batshit crazy JAD style!!

Back to Jad!!
Fun loving, slightly quirky, batshit crazy, self confessed nymphomaniac who fucking loves the shit out of life and living!!!

Every fucking day is an adventure!!! Live it!!!

Who wants to come on an adventure with me?!!

 

 

36 thoughts on “Who is this impostor?!

  1. Hugs. Big hugs. If it’s any consolation, several people are having mini eruptions and spin outs today. Something in the air?
    We might be grains of sand in an ocean of stars.
    Lead on Jadziel

    Liked by 3 people

      • I find it comforting to know that in the grand scheme of everything that me and my pain is not that important.
        I resigned from being CEO of the universe. It was an unpaid full time position 😂

        Liked by 3 people

      • Dang!!! I did not know you could resign from such a position!!! OMG does this mean I can resign from the cabinet of fucks to give….???
        I have never found this position very satisfying!!
        Thanks for the giggle to brighten my day!

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Your list of affirmations is great!! And repeating them daily will have an impact on your life! Fact—not fiction! But before you go off on service people with bad attitudes, I suggest you take your last approach mentioned. That keeps you a better person and might be enough to make them think and perhaps even change their behaviour. All the best!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comments Michael…I am always personably and non confrontational with service employees. If I comment it is always done as a gentle reminder that perhaps they are in the wrong profession…Often they respoond with an apology and the conversation ends with a smile…Sometimes there responses are rude and inappropriate but not often!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Starting over is difficult. I know. As do you. Let’s do this girl! I have a date Saturday night!!

    I WILL HAVE FUN. I WILL HAVE FUN. I WILL HAVE FUN. lather rinse repeat.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I just love you so much!! I dont comment much on your stuff, just like reading it BUT this time, it’s like you are saying this for me as well as you cuz baby, im going thru it!! YOUR FUCKING ROCK JAD!! Imiss you lady.
    A….

    Like

    • I love that you commented today I wish you would comment more often…Lets
      talk sometime on Facebook pm I want to catch up on what’s going on in your life.
      I miss you…I loved having you on my team and ANY employer would be lucky to have you!!

      Like

  5. Hey! That’s the lady I know and love, right there! I’m happy to see you emerging from the forest of despair! You, my friend have always been, and will always be, an amazing individual! I’m very happy you remembered that! Jadventures are always the best adventures! I’m looking forward to our next one! I’m glad I scheduled early! Sounds like you’re gonna get busy, bringing your wonderfulness to the world again! It will be a happier place for it…

    Miss your face…

    Like

    • I am finally glad I was able to push my way through the jungle and get out to the other end….I am sure there will still be some snags along the way but I feel like I am in a much better place!!
      I miss you My Captain!!

      Like

  6. I agree with the above comment, not only will they be rewarding physically but will give you a sense of power over something you can control and that will lead to confidence that permeates to all other areas of life. It will also give you energy for the day and help you sleep deeply at night. Wards off depression. There’s nothing not to love about exerciseXO

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree wholeheartedly but there is this little inner voice that said fuck that noise, lets not walk today and sometimes it wins!! I did spend ALL weekend doing a variation of activities and your right that active weekend was great for the mind and body!

      Like

  7. Pingback: How “Jad” got her groove back! | Sensuality, Sex & Something else

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s