Band aid’s are just a temporary solution!

Okay first I have to throw a couple of housekeeping things out there!!
1) While this blog post may seem like I lost focus again I have not!! I am very cognizant in my thinking and feel like I am in a healthy place in regards to this issue.
2) Mon Capitaine has told me many times that I can write what I want in this blog…I hope that he truly meant it because I need to resolve this in my own mind and my hope is that writing this blog will help!

Mon Capitaine and I had a huge fight a few days ago…our biggest one ever and interestingly enough every single fight that we have had in our relationship which requires makeup sex that we can’t have has been in some way related to MaM.

The Captain’s resolution to this issue is that he has taken the stance that from now until hell freezes he will not mention her again, he will not discuss anything about her period!! Work related or otherwise. His feeling is that I am obsessing over her and that it is making me become someone he is not enjoying.

Am I obsessing over her? Probably so!!

Sometimes I feel like I know why and other times I feel like it doesn’t make sense but you see that is the whole thing of it!!

Mon Capitaine’s behaviors and reactions to her have not made sense and I think this partially contributes to my feelings about her.
One thing I have always been able to depend 100% on is his honesty and let me stress I do not for a minute believe that My Captain has been dishonest with me BUT I do feel like his reactions have not been totally honest!!! I know, I know it makes no fucking sense but let me explain!!

It is like when you are in a funk and someone asks if you are okay and you say yes…But really you are not…You might not be intentionally dishonest, fuck you might not even know why you are in a funk but the easiest answer is to say “yes you are okay”

That similar type of situation has happened to us many times where MaM is involved.
His “reactions” to her “Actions” affected our “interactions” on many many occasions.

For example on one occasion where she had once again stood him up we talked about it and he said he was over it and that he had nothing invested in her…The following day he was moody and sullen, our text conversation was very one sided, I asked a couple of times through out the day if he was okay and I was assured he was fine and he was over it but our conversations continued to be awkward and distant to the point where I felt there was an issue with US…. When I finally told him I felt like our text conversations were one sided he asked me to go through our texts and tell him where he could have contributed differently so I did….It totally freaking pissed me off that he asked me to do that but I did it!!!…I went through our fucking texts and gave him examples of where he had plenty of opportunities to contribute further….Anyway to cut a long story short it turned out MaM’s actions affected him more than he initially “realized or let on” and his reactions to her actions affected our interactions.

Now I would like to say my current feelings towards MaM are totally altruistic and I feel this way because she hurt “My Captain” on many occasions… But unfortunately that would not be honest of me…Sure it pisses me off a great deal…Like a mother bear defending her cub type of pisses me off…. But mostly my feelings towards her is because when Mon Capitaine is engaging with her in whatever capacity he is not the man I know!!! He told me recently that petite blonde green eyed woman is his Kryptonite and I guess that must be true because he certainly does things and reacts in ways that are most certainly out of character for him when it comes to MaM..!!

So now why the fuck has this come up again!??

Well this morning he told me he was delayed at the site because he was going over the final clean with the contractor….Last I knew, before MaM was banned from our conversation she had bid for the final clean…I don’t know if she got it or not and to be totally honest with you I don’t give a fuck!!

I don’t give a rats fucking arse if they intermingle at work, shit!! I don’t give a rats fucking arse if they fuck each others brains out!!

But what I do care about is that once again…. MaM is intruding on our relationship because his update on “the contractor” this morning (regardless of if it is her or not) reminded me that we have this VERY BIG wedge between us!!

To be honest with you, the fact that we have gotten to a situation where Mon Capitaine has banned all discussion on this subject to the point where her name will never be mentioned again makes me feel like an errant child and I am deeply hurt by it.

I will work it out in my head so I can reconcile it….!
I have to because I have been left with no choice but it totally fucks me off that I am in this situation.

And once again MaM has fucked with our relationship without even knowing she is doing it!……And nope!!! I don’t feel better after writing this…I am still kinda pissed…Oh fucking well!!!

 

 

34 thoughts on “Band aid’s are just a temporary solution!

    • Hi Lauren, I agree, I don’t think I am being unreasonable given what has transpired between MaM, Mon Capitaine and myself. This blog post touches a minute fraction of it….But at the end of the day there were times where I was a little obsessive about MaM and I recognize that.
      I have tried to analyze to see if my feelings come from jealousy and I am comfortable in that they really do not….Where I feel they come from is more how it has affected the interactions between Mon Capitaine and myself and also how I don’t recognize some of his actions, responses and behaviors in regards to her.
      I am not raged by her, this situation, or anything that has transpired in regards to her….What I am is incredibly SAD that it has come to this point!
      Mon Capitaine believes she is in his life for a purpose, he does not know yet what purpose but it is what his gut tells him…..I sometimes wonder if that purpose is to break us so he can move on and find a relationship he can touch….AND that makes me even sadder. I know at some point our relationship needs to transcend into the deep and meaningful friendship it was always supposed to be…I am just not ready for that yet and I a surely do not want MaM to be the cause of a need to transcend earlier than either of us are ready!!

      Liked by 3 people

      • I can completely understand that it’s not jealousy, but that she’s driving a wedge between you two. And that’s not okay!

        Your concerns are completely justified and understandable. It sounds like MC wants whatever he can get with MaM, even if it threatens what the you have with him. 😦 But that may not be true at all… just what I piece together from what you’ve shared here.

        Hugs! I think you’ll both get through this and came out the other side stronger. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks Lauren… I certainly felt and kind feel like MaM is a wedge between us and I do hope we can resolve that.
        MC read my blog and he will be making his own comments but wants to put some thought into them before he responds.
        So for now I will not comment on where we are at with this but I will be sure to post an update within the next couple of days.
        Thanks for your comments and support

        Liked by 1 person

  1. ️WAO. I can’t imagine one person regardless of gender or age that would like to be told their “Kryptonite” is someone who doesn’t look like them. That’s bad form. As far as how he is with her to me there’s no mystery about it: she turned him down. Apparently repeatedly. That’s why he’s obsessed with her.
    My advice to you is you let whatever’s gonna happen, happen because there’s nothing you can do about it (except not to elevate her status by renting her a room in your head). Men may not be kids in age but they still like two women angling for them and just like a kid also the more you tell them not to do something the more they want to do it.
    There’s nothing special about MaM other than she’s making him chase her. I don’t think any woman deserves to be told a “rival” is their Kryptonite. That’s a sucker punch. He needs to be taken down the pedestal a couple of notches for that. This is straight manipulation.
    I’m so focking sorry this has happened to you. You can make it how away, you know – you’ve got the winning card, JadXO

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You said some very interesting points Sophia, firstly yes I guess it did feel like a bit of a sucker punch for me when he said his Kryptonite was blond, green eyed and petite. My response to him was “interesting that I am none of them” and he replied that I was his heart and soul and could not hurt him….I recognize I am probably not his “type” but at the end of the day I am the one he fell in love with and that is enough for me. I am comfortable in our love that I don’t feel threatened by not being his usual “type”!

    I am not sure if him being obsessed with her is the right word but yes there certainly did feel like there was an element of that.

    I love your comment in regards to her not renting a room in my head….YES…she took out a LONG term lease and I KNOW that I NEED to evict her from my head space!!!

    I do not believe there is any manipulation involved, I know Mon Capitaine intimately in my soul and he is not about manipulation…I think this issue is mostly because of our totally and completely fucked up situation in that we fell in love with each other and then had to separate by an ocean. We are both sexual beings who need intimacy, sex and touch. If we were in the same country we would be monogamous to each other but we are not so we are trying to make this work the best way we know how but with causing as little pain as possible but it is challenging to say the least!!

    Thanks for your insightful comments as always…!!
    Everyone’s comments are appreciated, they are helping me work through this even more!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. How is unilaterally banning all discussion supposed to make things better? All it means is he can do what he wants without having to account for it! That’s so far beyond acceptable you’ll need oxygen to get there!
    As for the kryptonite remark? At best it was crass. Who couldn’t realise that was hurtful…
    Shall I make him a chocolate cake?!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am sure that when he got to the point of banning all discussion was because his brain exploded and this is his way of resolving that…I don’t have to like his decision but I love him enough that I respect his decision and I will not bring her up again in conversation with him….Honestly if I had someway from blocking him from reading this blog I would because a part of me feels like I am not honoring his decision but at the end of the day he can read this post, see her name and choose to stop reading….
      As for accounting…that is kind of tricky because realistically we are not accountable to each other..he can choose whatever course of action he chooses to take with MaM….just another example of how fucked up our situation is really!!…What I want to know is why isn’t this a fucking movie yet!!
      Chocolate cake hey…lol…I read all about your famous chocolate cake!!
      Thanks for your insightful and supportive comments!!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m thinking, cause I’m so good at thinking, that you’re more pissed about the situation than you want to be, because you KNOW how incredible he is. His treatment of you in all aspects does it for you. But this woman, has the opportunity to experience all of these great things with him, but she chooses to blow him off. Whether it be a game to her or not, it’s wrong of her. Be with him, or send him down the road. I’d be pissed. This man craves attention and he wants it from her and in your absence, she should do it. In my opinion, on your behalf. Although she doesn’t know that! I understand your feelings. I understand his too. It’s hard to explain why you want something that you know is bad for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Mon Capitaine is awesome!! And true enough any woman would be lucky to experience his awesomeness and I would be totally lying if I said there was not some level of envy when another woman gets to experience his touch, taste, tongue and sexual prowess. Also true I don’t understand why any woman is not jumping his bones 5 minutes after sitting next to him and inhaling his scent…but I am WAY passed the point of being pissed at her for her constant toying with him….I am left with SAD at the damage that was done to our relationship and yeah maybe a little pissed…But hey!! I am working through it!
      Thanks for you supportive comments…some interesting points to ponder!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. The last few blogs have left me questioning, When do you know that a healthy, mature, relationship has turned into something toxic, and needs to expire before damage is done. I am only saying this because you have come a LOOOOONG way in finding yourself and developing a healthy self esteem and am worried the stresses, fights and shut downs between you and the captain will take that all away. I can only imagine how difficult it is to love someone soooo much but can’t be with them and also don’t understand open relationships so I am no expert on the matter. But something seems like it is shifting and it seems to be causing a great deal of hurt on your part and more than likely the captains part too. I just hope these negative feelings and struggles don’t end your relationship on a sour note. You have had amazing times together and have made each other very happy it would be a shame to let these issues ruin it. Please at least make it til June (Hawaii) and if you decide to continue the raltionship after I wish you both all the best in the world and if you decide it is the end of the relationship but the beginning of a friendship then at least leave each other on a good note and have a week to remember. Please, please don’t feel this is me saying you should call it quits as I would love for you two to live happily ever after with each other. Just sadly that’s not the way the suck arse universe wants it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You have some very interesting and insightful points, let me try to respond to each of them.
      I will be honest..I am struggling right now BUT I do feel like I am in a better place emotionally. I lost myself for a little while and some of my latest blog posts might reflect that but feel like I am back on track…As for my self esteem!!! The relationship I have with Mon Capitaine and the situation with MaM or any of his other fuck buddies has no bearing on my self esteem. I am confident enough in my own worth and in his love for me that his actions, words, reactions, feelings or interactions will have no bearing on my self esteem and even if he ends up loving another I know that he will always love me on some level…It may not always be that of “lovers” but he will always have a piece of my heart as I will always have a piece of his…..!!!
      What is affecting my self esteem and pissing me off immensely because I am allowing it to affect my self esteem is my inability to find a job…I feel my confidence slipping with each rejection or each bad interview and I don’t know how to stop it!!
      I know my worth!! I know I am fucking awesome at what I do!! But constant rejections and then interviews like the one I had today are just messing with my head….I will continue with my affirmations and plod along and hopefully the Universe will find balance and send the right job my way soon!!!
      As for loving someone so much and not being able to be with them….. Honey I feel like this is my life!! I spent the last 13 years away from my children, grandchildren and family…I love them all so very much and sometimes it tore me apart inside because I could not be with them…There were times when one of my children was experiencing something in their life that needed the reassurances and hugs that can only come from a mother and I was not there to do that….It is soul destroying when that happens….This is why Mon Capitaine let me go….He knew that for my SOUL I had to come home to be with my family..!!
      What I don’t think either of us realized is what it would do for our souls to be apart and there are times for sure where I feel like my soul is weeping for My Captain but at the end of the day coming home was the right thing to do. The Captain and I are still finding balance, this is a unique and shitty situation with a whole lot of plot twists and while I know there is a happy ending out there somewhere we are still trying to find out what that is… The Captain and I are both emotionally mature enough and grounded enough to not let something like this end on a sour note… We may struggle at times but I am confident enough that our love and respect for each other will win out whatever the situation and if there does come a point in time when our long distance relationship is just too hurtful or painful then we will find the way to transcend to a friendship. I know with absolute confidence that we will ALWAYS have our friendship built on love and respect because “My Captain” made me this promise right in our early days and I believe for ever and always that he will keep that promise…
      I think Hawaii is critical for both of us…We only spoke words of love to each other on our last weekend together in Dallas and then we were both so cavalier and blase when I got on the plane thinking ” We’ve got this” neither of us realized just how much of an impact we had on each others lives and how much we would feel the loss… Hawaii will involve a lot of sex and fun but it will also involve some healing of souls!!
      Thanks for your lovely supportive and insightful comments

      Liked by 2 people

  6. We say yes because we aren’t and we are built tough… and we would hope that if they asked that they might sit a few seconds and just be… but it is like we self incriminate and they barge on ahead etc…
    Yep I get it.
    And people wonder why victims of sexual assault rarely come forward or if they do it is decades after. Sometimes the professional help of recovering from a trauma is more humiliating and degrading that the actual crime in the first place. At least our tormentors knew what they were doing.
    Yeah Jadzia… I know all too well the are you ok routine and they don’t actually pause to feel.
    Keep on trucking lady xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I hope the job comes along soon because I think you have too much time to think and worry. I also suspect that you both need a little breathing space. Maybe cut The Captain some slack when he’s not feeling that great and give him long distance empathy without him needing to explain every tiny action or inaction. I know it’s not ideal, but there’s not much about being apart (or not working when you want to be) that is ideal. Hugs x

    Liked by 3 people

    • You are right about the job is important..I do have way too much time on my hands. I have not worked since October…. this is the longest in my life that I have been without employment and the first couple of months it was fun…. It’s no longer fun!!
      Your also right… I probably need to do a better job at reading the signs if I sense that The Captain wants to be alone I should just leave him alone….Thanks for your comments!!

      Liked by 4 people

  8. You sound like you have heaps more also valuable to maybe redirect elsewhere or by different manners. If it comes back by way of paid employment…. GREAT.
    Watch some Deep Space 9? I am watching Stargate Atlantis now that I am through SG1.
    A lot of people annoy me lately though funnily enough the universe has been upgrading xx

    Liked by 2 people

      • My brother was a big trek fan. I couldn’t really get it other than Deep Space 9. I loved the Cisco character. The mood of DS9 was good.
        William Shatner was hilarious in some legal show I saw a few times. He’s actually a bit Johnny Carson like these days or has a hint of what Downey Jr might be like as an elder statesman. Both are brilliant in their own right. Downey Jr could probably do Star Trek if given the job.
        Watching one of the Twilight films now. Obviously pitched toward a particular demographic though they are fairly impressive productions. I was involved with the White Wolf publishing IP back in the 90’s and I still like tracking it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • He was great as Professor X in X Men. I really loved Magneto though who was Gandalf in The Lord of the rings.
        DS9 is good because it’s a space station. They are a hub that others are coming to. My first encounter with a Ferenghi was when I first saw Ross Perot.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. There is nothing you can do about Mam. So let her go. Focus on building your relationship with the Capitaine or allowing it to continue as is. Look forward to Hawaii but long long distant relationships are incredibly difficult.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Take it easy on him hon……….it is just as hard for him to be without you as it is for you to be without him. I know, easier said than done.

    I have a second date tonight meself!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Time for some input from the co-founder of the Jadmiratipn Society.

    Foxxxy, incredibly insightful amd mature thoughts there. I think you are spot on in your evaluation of the situation. And also to our favourite Unleashed Cougar, you’re on the money there as well.

    This whole situation is beyond any normal relationship, and any advice is simply guesswork.
    You miss the fuck out of MC, just as he misses the fuck out of you. You have the “advantage” of being back with your family and friends, and the start of a new life, and of course, me 😁. But you also have the grief of losing your old life in the States, your job, your friends, and of course MC. You have been dealing with this grief, trying to find your feet and your new identity here, and the cumulative stresses have impacted your outlook. Quite understandably, the negatives are noticed more than the positives. And none more so than in your relationship with MC.
    From his perspective, he is trying to reestablish his life without the person who was central to it. MaM was never going to be long term, only a fill in, but no one would have anticipated the headfuck she would turn out to be. From MC’s perspective, I would think that a combination of his own grief and a healthy serve of our unhealthy male pride kept him going along for much longer than he otherwise would have. Now he has the prospect of an ongoing work relationship with someone who has treated him poorly. In itself that will not be easy for him.
    To be honest, I can see that a purely objective and analytical person would see that both of you are still grieving heavily, and that you are both capable of saying things, and interpreting things, that perhaps don’t merit the depth of response that follows. Instead of seeing the worst case interpretation of things said, take time to seek out the best case interpretation before responding.
    This whole fucked up situation is bad enough without letting inner bitches or bastards, as the case may be, create friction were none is deserved.
    MaM is taking up emotional energy and head space in your relationship that she really does not warrant. Let her go.
    Peace, love and orgasms for all
    PP

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so right that the negatives are noticed more than the positives and that in itself fucks me off!!
      That is not my usual style!! One of the things that was a great strength of mine particularly in my career is that I have always been able to make the best out tough situations and often turn negatives into positives so I am not sure why I seem to have fallen so far off the way.
      Your right, MaM takes up way too much head space and I do need to put that puppy to bed once and for all!! I am not sure how but I am working on it that’s a fact!!
      I have never regretted meeting and loving Mon Capitaine but fuck it all… I did not expect to feel this way after being separated from him and I hope that at some point we can find some happy medium to make this (whatever this is or ends up being) work because this ache is my soul sometimes consumes me and that is not a healthy place to be.
      PS..or should that be PP…..thanks for the adjustment and the orgasms!! I needed that 😛

      Like

  12. Wow! I guess its time for me to ring in, here. This will be short and sweet. All of these comments are made in good faith, and with concern for our host blogger. In that respect, i’m so happy to see the overwhelming, care filled responses on Jads behalf, and in a few instances, for the ME in this equation as well.

    I know that, out of all of these responses, theres really only 3 or 4 people that commented, that truly know and understand Jad well enough to comprehend this relationship we have going on here. Oh sure, you hear and feel her frustration and pain and confusion. But you lack the depth of knowledge to help the situation. Instead, you take what few facts you do know, overlay them over your life experiences, and then respond according to how you would respond. And thats ok! Everybody does that!

    Truthfully, this issue isn’t about MaM, or responses, or time communicating, or triangle love affairs and their relational complexities. This issue is about potential loss, and the despair of perceived losing. Jad, I think, is starting to realize this.

    Let me say that, after reading all of your comments, as well as Jads post, we talked and I amended the moratorium on speaking of MaM. My intent was to temporarily curb the obsessing over every little tiny detail that she couldn’t make sense of. And, in this situation and relationship, there is sooo much that doesn’t make sense, that you have to put trust in the person, and not the situation. Its never going to make sense. What I forgot was that she needs to work through situations to put her bat shit crazy brain at ease, and I removed that opportunity for her to use that mechanism. That’s been fixed.

    The real issue is that her beautiful brain, that I love and understand, has been telling her since she got on the plane, thats shes losing me. Anything that remotely resembles further distancing, just compounds the situation more. And even when she says shes happy for me having an outing with another woman, and she truly tries to be, her brain steps on the gas of the crazy train and gets her going even more, compounding the compounding of the compounding of the shit situation even further. And 95% of that is because she has no job to distract her brain from all of the shit thats happening to us. So her brain sits up in her head saying “Hmmm…what can we fuck with next!?!”

    I love my Jad. And she loves me. And we’re apart. And we cant change that. It sucks. But she and I are solid at the heart and soul level…and always will be!

    And now we get to have makeup sex in Hawaii! Score!!!!!

    Like

  13. Pingback: Captain My Captain!! | Sensuality, Sex & Something else

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