Fucked up Funk!!

So despite my attempt at a positive attitude and my daily affirmations blah blah blah… I still find myself in a “fucked up funk” that I am having a hard time pulling myself out of!!

I had an interview for a job yesterday… it was for an interesting job as an Executive Assistant. Not my usual thing but I figured what the fuck, I have  a lot of experience with the admin side of things and felt totally confident I could pull it off…At the interview I discovered the so called executives were glorified “relationship managers” and were a step or two below where I was in the US so once again the job would have been one or two steps down…Still I figured I would still go for it, I mean it sounded like an interesting role and is a government position so my foot would be in the door.

I felt like the interview started off well, my answers to their questions were thoughtful considered and professional…In fact there were times I got the impression I knocked their socks off!! Though truthfully speaking there was only one person in the interview room actually wearing socks…but you know what I mean!!!

Anyway a little over 1/2 way through the interview the entire demeanor and course of the interview changed….I am not shitting you it was like someone farted in the room and everyone was dying to get out!! The last couple of questions were rushed and I was almost literally pushed out of the door.! It was not like the interview went forever and we ran out of time. My interview was at 11:30 am I was pushed out of the door by 11:55 am.

I have gone over and over the interview trying to pin point what I could possibly have done or said to make such a drastic change and can come up with nothing, nada, zilch!! It was seriously fucking weird!! I swear to the flying spaghetti monster that I did not fart, I was wearing deodorant and my breathe was not garlicky…But it surely felt like there was a bad odor they needed out of the room as quickly as possible….My plans at stopping on the way home for a slice of lemon meringue pie and a cup of coffee went out the window…It was all I could do to hold myself together enough for the 40 minute train ride back to my car and when I finally got into “Jads Kitty” the damn busted and I cried buckets.!! Seriously buckets!!! My poor little car flooded and I almost had to call rescue!!

So here I am in a right old fucking funk what with the Mon Capitaine situation and this fucked up job situation and everything else that is piling on top of me when out of the blue I get a phone call….I had an interview last week for a job that was supposed to start on the 17th of April, I think I mentioned it before that I was a group interview and I was WAY over qualified and could probably do the job of their bosses bosses boss but I was also the only one there with ZERO industry experience..Anyway I was supposed to hear back by Friday, Monday at the latest and because I did not hear back I figured I did not get the job…Well fuck me dead it turns out I have been offered the position pending back ground checks..

So why oh fucking why could I not even muster enough enthusiasm to say woohoo!!?..This job is SO fucking far below where I was at in America I would not be surprised if they have me cleaning the fucking toilets on the first day!….Don’t get me wrong, it sounds like an interesting position or I would never have applied but I did not realize HOW entry level it is and also the fact that it is with a recruitment company means that for this government position I technically do not even have my foot in the door….So my friends I have a job…Hawaii accommodation is booked….Mon Capitaine and I are in a better place…. But try as I might I cannot seem to pull myself up out of this fucking awful FUNK!!

I feel so fucking “Bi polar” right now…my highs seem really high and my lows seem really low…I mean WHAT THE FUCK!!!
This is NOT the Jad I have come to know and love and I wish this bitch that has taken over my head would just fuck off!!! Enough already!

The Pink Panther is coming over after work tonight…We had a great weekend together last weekend..He slept over (2) nights with his cubs…Yeah really truly…TWO fucking nights!!..Or do I mean 2 nights fucking…. But anyway… He had his cubs with him so we did not get very much alone time. Tonight he is cubless so we will have plenty of ALONE time….I seriously hope he manages to SPANK this FUNK right out of me because I really need a damn good spanking!!!

33 thoughts on “Fucked up Funk!!

  1. Congrats on the job. Although it may not be what you really want at least it is something and will help lift your spirits even just by getting out of the house and having your mind a bit occupied. Good to hear things are better with the captain. And biggest yay that you’ll be seeing the Pink Panther. That will hopefully snap you out of it. I totally relate to the fucked up funk and it’s not easy to beat that bitch at all. Good luck and have fun tonight!! 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks CC…I think the only reason I am taking the job is because I know I have way too much time on my hands.
      The Captain and I are working through it, long distance relationships suck fucking arse!!
      Had a great night with the PP my arse was a lovely shade of hot pink by time he finished with the adjustment!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lol glad PP helped you out. I’m looking forward to some adjustment myself. Lol. And yes hon, I don’t know how you guys do LDR and over such a distance too. All strength and hugs to you. xx

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Yay! That is amazing news! It is the start of a new life in a new country and that’s what matters – not the level, or whether or not it’s technically with government. You will find that just by being in the workplace you will get to find out about jobs going, and with any luck you will climb the ladder again! Congratulations 🙂 – you will soon have NO time to yourself!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks my friend!!
      I am not sure about climbing the ladder again…I had to do it all over when I first moved to America…My first job there was filing freaking papers but I did it, I worked my way back up and surpassed where I was in Australia when I left…But I was 38 at the time!!! Now I am 51, almost 52…I really have to face the fact that I very likely committed career suicide and that going forward I just have a job….no longer a career and that makes me incredibly sad.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s been my observation that funks are like the 24-hr flu- it takes a night’s rest to break the spell. That said, Congratulations on your new job!!!!! Like Eve said above, so much good is gonna come out from it, many times it takes just one thing to bring forth other good things, we are all hoping for themXO
    I know I know I know I said this before but I’m like the squeaky wheel sometimes when I see something clearly and things keep happening again and again without resolution👹: I’ve been reading your blog practically since it started (I’m always shy about commenting the first time and then shyness goes away🙈) but I hope you’re kind to yourself, dear Jad! Don’t blame yourself for the ups and downs in mood, I really think it’s the hormone patch that’s making it seem you “don’t know yourself”- that’s a powerful statement and such a textbook side effect it shouldn’t be overlooked even if you still want to take it. Let me reiterate: I’m not telling you to reconsider it!!!, I just want you to have a little peace of mind. One glance at the blog entries since you started it seems to confirm my suspicion. (I have a friend who went through it when she turned 50 and took hormone pills). We just never know how we’re gonna react to any medication, body is our boss😃. Good things are coming, good things are already arriving, enjoy the daydreams!XO

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ever so wise Sophia!! I do think that either the hormone patch or menopause is a great contributor to my emotional roller coaster and my ability to see or analyze things as clearly as I usually do.
      Hard to tell if it is the patch causing the swings or the menopause and that I need a higher dose…For now I am going to put on my pretty dresses, do my hair and makeup and go work in the real world again and see if doing something productive with my time helps my equilibrium!!
      I am glad that you started commenting on my blog as I always appreciate and enjoy your insights.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. It is helpful to be employed. You can’t allow yourself to belittle this job. It will allow you to move in directions previously denied to you. At the same time, you have the freedom to search for another job that is more to your liking. 51 isn’t too old to restart. Have confidence. In my business, you can always request feedback on your interview. Why not call the company with the apparent stink to get a sense for what turned them off of you? You may learn something that will help in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes true it is helpful to be employed but it is demoralizing to have to go into a very entry level position after spending years working up to senior management. I am going to try to make the best of things though because right now that is all I can do.
      I wish 51 was not too old to restart however despite age discrimination laws it does happen ALL too frequently.
      I will ask for feedback on interview, I generally do.

      Liked by 1 person

      • A couple of times I had fabulous interviews. I was surprised they didn’t offer me the job right then. In both cases I failed to get the position—and was told I came in “second”. But the feedback was so obviously bogus, I couldn’t believe any of it. I also had two fairly poor interviews that resulted in my being hired. So I don’t really think you can always know what is going to happen. Sometimes it comes out of left field. That being said, I also understand restarting. I’ve done that a few times. You build something up and then you’re back to square one. That was frustrating. But I’m still kicking! All the best Jad. This position may become more—or something else might become available elsewhere. In the meantime, be ready to step up onto the next rung.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. That’s so cute that you call PP’s children his cubs! Congrats on the new job! & maybe they rushed you out because they couldn’t wait to talk about how much they all liked you?! I hope you get out of this funk soon, Jad. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Hunida, yeah he has cute cubs too!! I love spending time with them.
      I feel on the upward spiral again so hopefully I am on my way out of the funk…So far it has been a lot of highs and lows and I just want to level out!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • It is very strange being the interviewee rather than the interviewer. I have been in senior management for so many years I am usually the one conducting the interviews…It was even more bizarre being in a group interview.

      Like

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