My Captain!! You truly know me and understand me like no other…!
It is funny ya know…. I have seen people that I know have fights
with friends or family members on Facebook and I think damn….! Why would they do that?! I have never understood the concept of people making their relationship issues public and it was not until after posting this blog post and seeing the outpouring of care, support and advice from my fellow bloggers that I realized I had unknowingly and unwittingly done just that!!
I guess I have always seen my blog as my semi quasi journal and I have freely posted my thoughts, feelings, ideas, personal growth, sexual experiences and whatever else my batshit crazy brain feels the need to write about and it has always felt special to me…!! Particularly as along the way I have picked up some wonderful people (fellow bloggers) who have shared my story and my experiences with me…It has also been pretty special that some of my friends, family and former staff members have gotten to see a glimpse of ME…I mean the REAL inside ME that they probably would never have experienced if not for my blog.
Also had it not been for my blog I honestly do not think that you “My Captain” and I would have gotten together!!
At this point I also need to mention the “Pink Panther” I do not think we would have gotten together if not for my blog and I consider myself very lucky that I have two men in my life that know me so well and that through my blog have kinda sorta bonded with each.
There is something special about the connection with someone when they get to know your mind intimately before you are intimate!!
Anyway….I have often commented that I wonder if I will ever reach a point in my blog where I feel it is TMI or if I need to deploy my filter….I mean fuck, I have talked about piss and poop, vomit, anal sex, spankings, orgasms, dildo’s, farts and fantasies and much much more!!..nothing has been sacred and all manner of taboo topics have been discussed, dissected and digested….Nothing was off limits…Until now!!
My blog about MaM is one time I should have deployed my filter!!
I have thought about deleting the blog post but that does not take back the fact that I wrote it and there would be no purpose in deleting it so it will stay as a reminder to myself.
Everything that I wrote in the blog post was 100% honest, open and ME as I am understanding it at the time of writing…Just like everything that I write…But what is not realized or is forgotten is that I am writing a one sided version of something that I am feeling anxious, upset and passionate about so of course it is going to be MY story and a VERY one sided version of MY story!!…And that My Captain was not fair to you!!
But Mon Capitaine…You know me so very well and you took it in your stride!! You understood the why’s of it, you lovingly and compassionately responded to me on the phone and then left me a detailed blog comment which again shows just how well you know me…..It is scary how often I feel like you know me better than I know me!!
Your right ya know…I feel a deep sense of loss..though you reassure me that I have not lost you and that you are still here I can’t see you, feel you, smell you, hug you, kiss you…Often I feel that all I have that is REAL is the sound of your voice and it sometimes feels so surreal!!.
A public apology for the very public “MaM” blog post does not quite seem appropriate because then I would have to be sorry and if I am being honest I am not totally 100% percent sorry I wrote it…Sure there is a huge part of me that wishes I had not written it but I did write it and at the end of the day there were some real positives to the post ranging from somewhat resolution to the MaM issue and some wonderful, caring supportive comments from my readers…..So instead of a public apology I hope you will accept a public “Thank you”
Thank you for understanding me…Thank you for loving me… And above all else Thank you for always encouraging me to be who I am “JAD”…..Slightly quirky, fun loving, batshit crazy, menopausal, self confessed nymphomaniac who is stupid in love with you!!
Countdown to makeup sex!!!