Go get a cup of coffee —–>

I am serious!! Go now and get a cup of coffee, hot chocolate, cup of tea, bonox, glass of wine!!! Whatever you need because Y’all are going to be sitting here for a minute!!

I mean for real, how fricken long has it been since I have written a blog post?! Eons right!!! And I have a whole bunch of shit to catch you up on so stop dilly dallying around and go and get yourself a cuppa then come on back here and get ready for a read!! Go on, I will wait for ya!!

Are you ready? Okay let’s go!!
Shit, now you are here I am not sure where to start!!

I know, I know, lemme start with my job….OMFG so far all I have done is training but I LOVE it!!! Seriously, most training is as exciting as watching paint dry BUT this training has been engaging, interesting and dare I say FUN!! I do have to say though that after 7 months of lollygagging around on my fat arse doing nothing it is fucking hard to get up at 5:45 am every morning and drag my tired arse out of bed and do what most of society does!!
Despite the fact that I seem to have a job that I so far love I also had a second interview for another job, this one is more in line with my skill set and is a similar industry to what I am familiar with, there is also likely more chances of progression. I was told that it has come down to 2 candidates, me and one other so and I should find out this week if I got the job….Hmmmmm if I do I have no fucking clue what to do!! Maybe the Universe will decided for me!!

Oh and I discovered I am an absolute fucking expert and can teach a class on how to piss your brand new team mates off in one easy lesson!! We are all contractors right, with different agencies. There are 7 of us, 3 with one agency, 3 with another and just me on my own with another. There was a discussion earlier in the week on time-sheets, I listened intently but kept my mouth shut. On Friday the conversation turned to time-sheets again and there was this one girl was telling the group we all had to be consistent and saying she was putting from 8:45 am to 5:pm with a 30 minute lunch….. I have not had to do fucking time-sheets for years but I have had enough contractors working for me in the past to know and understand the process so when this girl was talking about putting in hours NOT worked I was pissed!! We worked from 8:45 to 4:30 with a 45 minute lunch and THAT is the hours I was entering but that was not enough for me….Oh no!!….I had to go and tell them all that what they were doing was fraudulent, they are contractors who are paid for hours worked and if they put down hours NOT worked they are defrauding the company and emphatically stated I was having NO part in it!!….So the end result was 6 team mates who realized they would have to scramble and fix their time-sheets!

Okay job out of the way now let’s talk about sex…..Yes, really we must!! This is a kinda sorta sex blog after all and I am kinda sorta a nympho so it seems kinda sorta important that we talk about sex!!

Anyway….I am NOT getting enough of it….I mean fuck!!! Isn’t menopause supposed to turn you off sex or something!? I feel like it has flipped some fucking switch and increased my sex drive by triplicate if that is even fucking possible!! If I wasn’t already slightly nympho-maniacal I fucking am now!!

Okay so I hear you saying wait…what…what about the Pink Panther?! Well ya see, as much as I enjoy his company, the sex and the spankings the actual frequency of when we can get together is never enough… It is a little fucked up really and even harder now I am working….We talked a bit about it and his lifestyle is not going to change anytime soon….The Pink Panther is very aware of the journey that I am on via my blog so it is with his knowledge and support that I venture back into the world of “shock horror” online dating!!

Soooooo back into the murky ponds of PoF I waded and before I had even finished putting my profile together I had started getting messages!! I mean really, I was fresh bait in the pond!! It felt like every fish man in 50 mile radius threw in their line!!
Some of them were really fucking creative and started conversations with “hi”
I mean seriously dude, ya need to do a LOT better than that to catch my attention.
It got so fucking ridiculous that I started to respond exactly so conversations went something like this.
random fisherman – hi
Jad – Hi
random fisherman – how r u
Jad – How are you?
random fisherman – good
Jad – Good

In less than 1 day I had 72 messages, I mean for real, 72 fucking messages!!

Holy fucking hell how am I supposed to muddle through 72 fucking messages!!

To be continue!!
Yes really!!! You finished your coffee and I am tired, I am a working girl now and need to go to bed!!

 

 

24 thoughts on “Go get a cup of coffee —–>

    • Oh it will come back to you!! I am sure, the problem is once you hit my age men are not so virile and while their mind is willing often their body does not cooperate!!

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I am thrilled that you love your job! 😀

    OK, I’m curious…. what info are you putting in your online dating profile? Are you saying you’re looking for just sex because you’re in an open relationship or are you leaving it ambiguous?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Lauren, I copy pasted my dating profile for you here. I have not mentioned sex at all. My profile says I am looking for dating, nothing serious

      Oh Hello!!

      You are actually reading this! This is awesome, ummm now you are here I don’t quite know what to say!!

      Oh wait, let me start by telling you I am quirky, fun loving, adventurous and just slightly batsh*tcrazy!! But heck! There is a little batsh*tcrazy in all of us!! That’s what makes life so interesting.

      And life really is interesting isn’t it?
      Okay now let me get all philosophical for a minute….Oh I know… BORING but it will be just for a minute or two…I promise!!

      Carpe Momentum!! That is my motto, it is what I live by. Life is made up of moments and we never know how many moments we have left so I try to live my life enjoying every moment!! You will almost always see me smiling, thinking about smiling, or looking for an activity to make me smile….Sometimes I **** it up and have some miserable moments where I am not smiling but to be honest, don’t we all?

      So I am on an adventure, I have what most people call a bucket list but I call a “I am doing it list” It keeps growing and sometimes I just make sh*tup as I go along, I mean I have done stuff I did not even know was a bucket list item until I did it!!…Anyway some of my adventures need a cohort!! For real!! Some of this stuff is boring on your own.

      I really should clarify something right about now…when I say adventures I do not mean that I am climbing every mountain and fording every stream!! Seriously, not ALL adventures need to involve months of training and bags of money!!! Something as simple as making a lemon meringue pie for the first time in your life can be an adventure!!

      So!! Do you love life? do you smile easily? Are you adventurous? If so then why don’t you embark on your next potential adventure and send me a message!!

      Just as an FYI….If we do not make it past small talk on PoF then it is not likely that we will have a coffee shop or local pub adventure…I am just saying 😛

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Yay!!! So happy you’re loving your new job & that you even have another one lined up! I’m glad you didn’t go along with the crowd and commit fraud. I definitely would’ve done the same thing you did. I’m surprised things are over with the Pink Panther but it sounds like the break was mature and mutual soooo I’m super excited to start reading your online dating life stories!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Pink Panther has promised me if ever I need a good spanking he will be happy to comply!! Also I am seeing his this weekend but it is just dinner and a band. I will be happy to continue to have a sexual relationship with him for now but I am going to leave that in his ball court!!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Getting up at 5.45am – that is insane! I am with you on the fraudulent call-out – that’s some dodgy stuff they were cooking up and all wanting to be part of it! Hope you hear about the job soon – and so glad you’re liking this one. Who’d have thought?! Kik me when you hear 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Whew! So much to digest! Not enough training! Not enough sex! Too many online dating fucktards! Where does a smart ass begin to comment on such a humor rich environment!

    Fortunately, I know you have most of this worked out now, except for the sex part! And that gets fixed soon on the island of sore clitoriouses!

    Liked by 1 person

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