So begins my journey back into online dating, cripes on a crumpet why the fuck do I do this shit to myself!!
I had barely put my profile together before I started to get slammed with messages!! Honestly you would have thought my profile said “free sex, come and get it” I promise it doesn’t but most of the men who messaged me did not even bother their arses to read my profile anyway!!
72 fucking men/scammers/idiots/perverts and wankers messaged me, truly!! I am not shitting you….And my stupid fucking OCD combined with my manners made me answer every single one of them!
So let’s start with Cyclist!!
He seemed like a really nice guy but I just was not getting a “zing” with him, I was however chatting about my weekend plans and saying that all my friends and family are pikers and nobody wanted to go hiking or cycling with me so he offered to go bike riding. By this time, whilst I had told The Pink Panther I was going to go online dating again I had not really discussed with him in detail what this meant for him and me so I was not ready to go on a date with anyone just yet… I made it clear to the cyclist that if we went on a bike ride together it was not a date!! He tried to buy me coffee before and after the ride and both times I told him that would then constitute a date and this was not a date….I know I am such a bitch and I gave him such a hard time but what can I tell you!! Anyway he was a nice dude but in the flesh but still no “zing” so I later sent him a text saying I enjoyed our bike ride but got very much a friend vibe for him and that neither of us are on PoF looking for friends and wished him the best of luck…He texted me back very surprised saying he felt chemistry and attraction but thanked me for my honesty….Oh well!! He was pretty fucking cute and I do not know why no zing but them’s the breaks!!
Next up was Tall dark and scary!!
We chatted online for a few days and eventually exchanged numbers so we could text, we had set a tentative date for the weekend, I was going to have a conversation with the Pink Panther before then but did not want to set a confirmed date until I had the conversation….OMG, I dodged a fucking bullet there. Way too long of a story to go into it here but let’s just say this dude was JEALOUS as fuck, we had not even met and he was questioning where I was going, what I was doing, who I was doing it with, who I was talking to and so many times he said things that clearly showed his self confidence was in the toilet!! UGH, I do not need to mess with that shit!!
Next in line was Elvis.
Really intelligent guy, high profile job, interesting conversations!! We exchanged phone numbers and fuck me dead if Facebook did not send him a fucking friend suggestion based on my phone number. Despite my reservations I approved his friends request and within a day our texting went from multiple times a day to a big fat ZERO. I suspected he had seen photos of me and Mon Capitaine and came to his own conclusions so I texted him and said you are awfully quiet did your Facebook stalking of my profile scare you off?
He responded that he was really busy and that he would chat later….Later never came, I ended up sending him a long message in PoF basically saying that what he did was shitty, I have enough confidence within myself to not give a flying fuck what he thinks of me but not all woman have that self confidence and he should have the balls to be honest and respectful and just let them know in a polite way if he is no longer interested.
I deleted him from my Facebook and I have not messed with him again!!
Lastly for now “he who is yet to be named”
I know right!!! but it is possible he may be around for a bit and I just can’t come up with a name that fits yet!!
Anyway we have been on 3 dates so far and fuck me dead but I just do not know how to keep my big mouth shut!!! While on the 3rd date I told him all about Mon Capitaine….Well not ALL about My Captain but enough for him to know I was going to Hawaii with someone I consider my best friend and someone I was in an intimate relationship with before leaving America. I told “he who is yet to be named” that I did not want to start an intimate relationship with him until after Hawaii, he seemed understanding of this and was happy to continue the way that we were going.
Our goodnight kisses have become a little bit of a joke between us.
The first date he walked me to my car and we kissed in the street, it was a quiet side road however an oncoming car decided to flash its lights at us.
Second date he walked me to the train station and we kissed on the side of probably the busiest street in the city while cars flew past us.
Date three he drove me to the train station and parked in a no parking zone for me to quickly jump out however our quick kiss goodnight turned into a passionate succession of kisses until I broke away and told him he was going to get a ticket. He decided to drive around the block and parked his car in front of the river. We kissed some more and he was ever so polite and asked if he could touch my breasts, I said he could, he then got braver and braver and before I knew it he was finger fucking me to orgasm in the front seat of his car parked by the river in the middle of a busy fucking city!!….So much for no intimacy before Hawaii!!
He has invited me to stay in hotel with him one night this week, dinner, dessert, kisses and cuddles…No sex!!! What the fuck, I am pretty sure if I stay in a hotel with him we are going to be fucking….I have not yet agreed to the hotel and I am undecided on what to do.
Stay tuned for more adventures of the slightly quirky, fun loving, batshit crazy slightly quirky, indecisive nympho!!!