Somebody mixed my medicine!
I don’t know what I’m on
Somebody mixed my medicine!
Somebody’s in my head again!!
Are you freaking confused yet?! I don’t blame ya, so the fuck am I!!
The above are some lyrics to a song by “The pretty reckless” and it is totally apt because that is exactly what it felt like as this last week spiraled downhill until I lost control yesterday.
Let’s start at the beginning, a very good place to start! OMG what the fuck is going on with all the song references, sorry haha!!
Anyway I had a weird week, emotionally I seemed okay but I kept feeling like there was something just a little off. I had a really tough time sleeping, woke frequently, had headaches and worst of all experienced the most horrific cramps in my legs and feet. I am not shitting you my leg cramps one night were so bad I was rolling around on my bedroom floor crying and was almost tempted to call an ambulance.
I ended up putting it down to lack of some kind of nutrients because I had a couple of days in a row were all I had eaten was some cheese, a couple of crackers and some fruit.
(sexual intermission) Thursday night I had a date with Mr Thursday, yep!! True to his name we are back to a Thursday date. We went to an incredible restaurant which was stupidly expensive however I did have the most amazing food adventure!!
After Mr Thursday delighted my taste-buds with magnificent food we sat in his car to “pash” for a little bit. Our kisses soon got hot and heavy which led to a mighty fine finger fucking where I happened to squirt several times all over the inside of his car!! By the time he finished my dress was soaked, as was my jacket and his car seat. Overall it was a delightful evening and I stuck true to my word of “no sex” until after Hawaii!! I know, I know I am being a little technical but my self imposed rules are “no intercourse” and a finger fucking doesn’t count!!
Friday morning I woke up feeling odd, I could not put my finger on the issue but the best way I could describe it is that I felt like something was wrong, very wrong. I went to work and as the day went on things got worse. There were some communication issues with My Captain which did not seem to make things any better. Things really started to escalate when my heart felt like it was beating really fast…I was terrified that I was maybe having a heart attack and did not know I was….This is exactly the inner dialogue my batshit crazy brain was having.
Maybe you are having a heart attack? Don’t be fucking stupid it doesn’t hurt and heart attacks are supposed to hurt, besides you would know if you are having a heart attack. That’t not true, you had a heart attack at the top of the stairs. You were going to die there and nobody was going to find you for weeks and when they did you were going to be half eaten by maggots. I am not having a heart attack, nothing hurts. It didn’t hurt last time. Shut the fuck up, I am not having a heart attack and no maggots are going to eat me.
In the end I realized I could not continue to stay at work, fortunately they are still trying to sort out my system access so it was no issue to just make arrangements to leave early.
Sitting on the train ride home was scary as fuck, I still was not entirely sure what the fuck was going on, what I was absolutely 100% certain of was that something really really bad was going to happen but I had no fucking clue what it was. My heart was still trying to leap out of my fucking chest and by now it was beating at 500 revs per minute. I am not usually agoraphobic but my sensory processing disorder can sometimes make crowds a little overwhelming particularly if there is a lot of other sensory input going on. There were only 9 people in the train carriage but it already felt like 8 too many and I wondered how the fuck I was possibly going to make it all the way home.
Mon Capitaine became my lifeline, despite the fact that he had a long arse day, was totally exhausted and ready for bed me had me call him on the phone where he managed keep me at a level enough to handle the train ride home. At one point I could not hold back the tears but in his usually style he took me from crying to hysterically laughing in 3.5 seconds. We talked about what the issue was and he felt it was possibly an Anxiety/panic attack. I had never experienced anything like it before and let me fucking tell you I never want to experience it again!!
We talked about the possible causes and I told My Captain I was concerned about my “anti-depressants” I filled the script the previous weekend and the pharmacy changed the generic brand, I was scared they may have given me the wrong thing.
Anyway after a fucking LONG arsed train ride home where The Captain managed to keep me level I finally arrived at my station. I said goodnight to Mon Capitaine, a short drive in my car and I was finally home.
It took me less than 5 minutes to work out what happened, 2 of my medications are in exactly the same packing, just one is slightly bigger than the other.
“Somebody mixed my medicine” Instead of putting my anti depressant in the PM slot of my pill box for the week they put one of my morning pills…..So in effect I have been double dosing on one of my morning pills for a different medical condition and NOT taking my anti depressant for almost a week!!! Somebody mixed my medicine……I am afraid to say that somebody was me!! What a fucking stupid thing to do!!!
The effects of this stupid mistake was painful leg craps possibly from too much of my other medication and a full on anxiety attack from stopping my anti depressants abruptly!!
Knowing all this did not help my anxiety, I was still convinced something really bad was going to happen. I really wanted to hide in my closet but it is just not big enough for me so I ended up crawling into bed and hiding under my covers where I promptly fell asleep and did not wake up till over 3 hours later.
Nothing bad happened, I did not have a heart attack, maggots did not eat me, My Captain did not cancel Hawaii, eventually my heart got back to a normal pace and while the feeling of dread is still there it is manageable.
I hope the fuck this gets sorted out before Hawaii….In 8 days time My Captain is going to be flat on his arse in the airport in Hawaii because I am going to leap into his arms so fucking hard he is going to go land flat on his backside!!