Taking back the power!!

I realized with recent events that I give people WAY too much power to hurt me and ultimately at the end of the day the ONLY person who can fix that is me!!

But honestly how the fuck does one go about taking back that power?! Wait, what the fuck am I talking about?! Taking BACK the power….They have always fucking had it…Everyone in my life that I have cared about and even some people I have not given a shit about have had the power….How the fuck do I take something BACK that I don’t think I have ever had?!

Bloody hell people, you can google till the fucking cows come home on “how to take back the power” and still be none the wiser. I love reading shit like this “The only way we can truly be happy is to realize that our thoughts, emotions, actions, and decisions are our responsibility and no one else’s.” Because ya know what?! It is fucking 100% the truth but how the fuck does a person get to that point?!

When I first started this journey I adopted a couple of mantra’s, one of them was DILLIGAF…. “Do I look like I give a fuck?!” and when it comes to ME being 100% ME, I really don’t! BUT even so, at the end of the day I think deep down, we all want validation, recognition and acceptance and because of that we give power to others!!

Soooooooo……While I cannot take BACK the power because I never fucking had it in the first place I can take AWAY the power!! One step at a time!!

I know the biggest thing for me is that I have so many situations in my life where it is clear that people have made a conscious choice not to have a relationship with me or include me in an event, remember stuff in this blog post about me being dispensable….Well there is other stuff that I did not even get to mention in that post included things like ignored Facebook requests that I sent to old school friends, finding out later about activities or dinners that I did not get invited to, friends who have chosen not to catch up with me since my return to Australia, My recent experience with Mr No longer where it was clear I was just a “fuck” and as recently as last week finding out I was not included in an out of hours work activity as well as missing out on the opportunity to meet a fellow blogger!! All of these things fuck with my head, I take them personally even though people may have a genuine reason for their decisions I still take them personally and I have GOT stop doing that shit….I HAVE to take away the power!!!……So!! I have no fucking clue where to start, but I am going to start….I know that it starts with a conscious decision and it starts with me so it would seem I am on the right track!!

Okay moving on I figure I should give you a little update!!
Firstly this is the last time I will mention “The Captain” in a blog. He commented on this blog and I have chosen not to post the comment, mostly because I do not want to spark any kind of debate, further comments or recourse so I figured it was easier not to post it, right or wrong of me I decided this is MY blog and I do what I want!!
We have resumed what I would hazard to say is a very tenuous friendship, it will never be like it was before, it will never be the friendship I imagined we would have. Too much damage was done.

As for “Him” I am incredibly confused and not sure what to do. We have a very strong connection, I enjoy his company and we have amazing fun every time we get together (which is often) but there are some “for want of a better word” issues.
Firstly he is just a couple of short months out of his 30 or so year marriage. I do not know if I am a rebound relationship for him or filling in a gap in his life which has been missing for quite a few years while his marriage was falling apart. He certainly fills a gap for me but I am looking for a relationship with mileage and I am not sure you can get that from a rebound relationship!!
Also we have an elephant in the room “Mr Thursday” I told “Him” all about
“Mr Thursday” and also told “Him”  that we could not be intimate until “Mr Thursday” and I have finished which will not be until after Sydney. He seems okay with this and has said I am worth waiting for but we have gotten a little  hot and heavy and if we continue it is only a matter of time before we lose control so I either have to accept that “him” and I are going to move to the next level WHILE I am still tangled with “Mr Thursday” OR I am going to have to pull back with “Him” and tell him we cannot continue messing around because pretty soon we WILL lose control!!

While my crazy messed up life seems to give me a lot of blog fodder sometimes I think it is just too fucking complicated and I need to find some way to simplify it!!

Well that’s all for now, I will let y’all know how I go with taking AWAY the power!!!

 

22 thoughts on “Taking back the power!!

  1. 20 minutes a day for you. Switch off phone etc… Meditate. Just breathe.
    Your breath. Your space. Give this to yourself.
    If you need help find a local teacher of some sort. Someone in real time and space that does not involve a sexual or romantic relationship. Must be a life coach where you are

    Liked by 4 people

    • True story if I was doing it for either of them but actually it is more about me….Having sex with more than one person at the same time is something that has never sit comfortably with me….Having said that recent events did not quite turn out that way….But that is for my next blog post 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You can do this, Jad. Take away the power! You are in control of you. ♡

    It seems “he” really likes you– I hate that he just got out of a marriage! I honestly think it wouldn’t be so bad if you two were intimate before Sydney but, if it’s not what you want, don’t do it!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Rule Number One of taking back (or establishing) power:
    Say something and mean it. If you made a rule,stick to it- even when it’s you who changes their mind mid-way.
    You have no Power when people know they can wear you down and get their way. It then becomes a precedent and you gave it away without noticing. Sticking to it shows you are a woman of your word: that’s Power.
    One of the reasons I second others’s advice of not sharing your blog to potential men goes back to the same reason: Power. You are giving ammunition to people who could use it next week or 20 years from now, bring it up in arguments. Why do it? We never have the same relationship with people, they all bring out a different part of us, aspire and inspire us in different ways. Should they know the “former you” or the one another man inspired in you?

    LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD- Pat Benatar

    About the friendships: as we get older we want more meaningful, deep relationships with others, we begin to look for our Tribe. Many times these are not old friends, otherwise they would be no need to find them again. Find your tribe- who has time for superficial connections? Don’t think badly of them nor you, it’s Life pushing you to find it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Sophia you comments are always so very insightful and wise, you have no idea how much I appreciate your input into my blog.
      I agree with you on all fronts but the blog thingy is kind of a big one for me. I have spent all of my life living with deception and dishonesty so the one thing that is integral to me and the core of who I am is honesty in ALL things so not disclosing my blog to someone who could be a significant person in my life seems deceptive particularly if I write about that person. I know some bloggers wait until the relationship is not current before they blog about it but my blog is my “therapy” for want of a better word and I write in the here and now. Having said this after reading everyone’s opinions and thinking on them I decided to hold off showing “him” my blog and with the most recent events I am SO very glad I did.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Good comments here Jad- for me, I enjoy NOT giving new lovers access to my blog immediately (or ever)- that’s one way I keep the power. My past and thoughts are none of their business.
    I also listen to ME very deeply- not what I ‘should’ do, or what others want me to do, but what do my heart and mind and body really want to do? That’s power Babe!

    And lastly, I hope I wasn’t the blogger you couldn’t meet up with? Next time I’m in Adelaide we will for sure… G

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am just learning to listen to ME, its all very unusual and new for me. A lot of people thought I was listening to ME when I ran away to America 13 years ago, they saw it as a selfish move on my part, especially leaving my kids behind but what most people did not realize was that it was an act of survival but then went much deeper than that. It is a hard thing to get used to “living your life for yourself” but I am getting better at it!!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Good on you Jad- as women of a certain age, we have often not been brought up to be truly ‘liberated’; it takes a lifetime to practice listening to yourself and being honest about what you really want, especially if it’s a bit ‘selfish’. You’re doing a great job Babe, keep it up xx 👍🏼💪🏼💃

        Liked by 2 people

      • Thanks G, Despite how rough the last few months have been I still feel they have been a tremendous growth and learning experience all aimed towards being the best person I can be!!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s a hard road for sure, the one you are travelling in this life. Personally I don’t believe that future or potential or present lovers have any business with my blog or my writing unless I choose to share it. I also think of it as something that can be misunderstood or even be ‘too much too soon’. I know you have a desire to bare it all and tell the world your feelings and experiences, and that is all fine unless someone is deciding whether or not to become invested in you. Then it becomes a matter of prudence and judgement – sometimes communicating face to face can prevent misunderstandings or other problematic feelings that might emerge when just reading text on a screen. You see your blog as a vehicle to understand you, but others might see it quite differently, especially as they don’t see inside your head and all the contextual information that creates meaning. My opinion is to be careful who you reveal it to 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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