Yes, that’s right….Put fucking glitter on my ice-cream!!!
Are you totally confused….I don’t blame you!! Welcome to my world, I spend a good percentage of my life being confused but let me clarify some shit for y’all!!
“Him” now has a name….sadly it is ” Vanilla kisses”!!
Okay let me back track a little bit. I listened to y’all…I truly fucking did!! From all of your wonderful opinions and insight I decided to hold off from giving “Vanilla kisses” my blog and let me tell you I am so fucking relieved!!
I also listened to y’all and thought fuck it, I am horny, he is horny, Sydney is a long fucking time away, we are both grown arse adults why the freaking heck shouldn’t we fuck if we both want it?!!…..So we did!!
All of this has made me realize that I have to make some serious changes to my “game plan”
Firstly there is NO fucking way I am ever going to give a man my blog to read unless we have fucked first, so my “Open letter to Mr Impossible” has become null and void and I have hidden the post….I wish I could delete it but honestly it would be like deleting part of myself so I have to be satisfied with it being hidden!!
I also think y’all had some great advice so I probably will not show my blog to anyone I am dating unless we become serious with feelings involved and then I will consider it!!. One of the things I was scared of with showing my blog to someone after feelings got all tangled up was the possibility of them deciding after reading it that I was not the person for them….But you know what?!! I am taking AWAY that power!! If and when I choose to show someone my blog regardless if feelings are involved or not if they do not see my blog for what it is and accept me…batshit crazy quirks and all…then they are not the right person for me!! I also realized from all y’all’s advice that I am not being dishonest by not showing my blog to people, they are my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences and MY choice to share or not!!!
So what of “Vanilla Kisses”?!!
OMG so we have a great connection when it comes to a lot of interests and lifestyle choices, we can spend hours and hours talking and NOT get bored….But in the bedroom….I got bored!!! I am serious, I really fucking did!!? Me?!! The fun loving, slightly quirky, batshit crazy nympho got freaking bored during sex!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I had my share of orgasms but there was no toe curling, fingernail scratching, back arching passion!!
At first I thought the lack of passion was because he was tentative and apprehensive in respecting my wishes of not being intimate until after Sydney but after spending a night together I realized that while he is a careful, considerate and gentle lover he is Vanilla…And fuck damn I need chocolate, I need hot fudge, and strawberries and glitter, throw me some fucking glitter…I need passion and fire, hard and soft, and wall sex, I fucking need toe curling back scratching wall sex!!
But because we are so compatible in so many other ways I really considered if I could continue a relationship with him for now….Then I realized “crazy bitch” I am not prepared to be anybodies “dofer” and it would be really shitty of me to expect him to be a “dofer” so I am going to have to break it off with him… I want my Mr. Impossible and I am not going to settle for anything less!!
So I am
a little bit a lot nervous about breaking it to him because I am trying to navigate this shit arsed crazy online dating while trying to keep my self esteem in tact and I certainly do not want to fuck with anyone else’s self esteem so I have to find some way of breaking it off with him in a way that he understands it is about sexual compatibility and not anything about him directly!!
I fucking hate this shit!!
I am staying off the dating sites until after Sydney so I am going to have PLENTY of time to catch up on y’all blogs 🙂