There are just some things you should never ask your 77 year old mother!!

So, here I am at 50, after a wonderful trip home and an amazing birthday party in which I got shit faced drunk (without sex) I am  back in the United States and back to the reality of how the heck does someone at 50 who has never even had a date before go looking for sex…I am serious, I honestly have never, ever had a date! Check the about me section and you will see why.
Ah but again I digress, sex..we were talking about how can I get some??
I had this smart idea…or so I thought, about talking to my Mum, I mean really, if us girls can’t talk to our Mums about this kind of stuff who can we talk to..wrong!!…never ever, ever, don’t do it… talk to your elderly mother about sex!! You will hear things you just cannot “un-hear”. This is how the telephone conversation went.
Me: “Mum, when did you and Dad stop having sex”
Mum “Oh, about 5 or 6 years ago”
Me ” Really?? you were in your seventies”
Mum ” Yeah something like that”
Me ” Did you talk about stopping or did you just stop doing it or what?”
Mum “We didn’t talk about it, it just became less and less then it stopped, sleep became more important” Why are you asking all this?
Me ” Because I want sex”
Mum ” So go out and have sex then”
Me ” At 50 with no partner its not that easy”
Mum ” Then buy a dildo”
See what I mean….Shit!! I never wanted to hear the word dildo come out of my mothers mouth especially my 77 year old mothers mouth and now I can never NOT have heard it!! My only hope is that one day…when I am in my seventies my daughter will ask me questions about sex and I will tell her all about my purple vibrator, being sure to mention that it’s purple because after all purple is my favorite color!

So at the end of the day my Mum was not really very helpful to my current situation except to say that I could still have 20 more years of wanting sex so it felt even more important to find someone to have sex with, and soon… I mean at 50  bits and pieces of me that should be perking up are falling down, there are battle scars and just the thought of candy bar is destined to send pounds straight to my hips so Imagine what it would be like if I was looking for sex at 60 or even worse 70!!

Well it would seem I have no other options, I am going to have to look on the internet!!